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NPR::: Bridesmaid Question
This is my first time being a bridesmaid and I need a little help here.
Do I have to go to the Bachelorette Party?
My "problem" is that the MOH came up to me today while we were trying on dresses and told me to start saving money because the bach party was going to be from Fri-Sun in Ocean City, MD.
#1, I am not at all interested in going away for a whole weekend anywhere, let alone OC, MD.
#2, I don't know for sure that I can afford it. We are trying to sell our house and are forking out $$ left and right for repairs and upgrades including replacing the whole front proch. I can't start saving now -- I have nothing to save.
#3, for my bachelorette party (which the bride to be was a part of) we went to a wine tasting & dinner. I don't think it's "fair" to have something this .... I don't know... extrevagant, and expect everyone to be OK with it.
Is it just me or is this normal?
I know I'm not going, I already made up my mind, but we are still a year out from the wedding -- does this mean I don't deserve to be a bridesmaid?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NPR::: Bridesmaid Question
I don't think it's not deserved to be a bridesmaid because you can't afford (or don't want to go) to do a weekend away bachelorette party. In fact, I think it's rude to expect that of people. If you can go, great, if not, it should be understood.
Being ina wedding is supposed to be more about how close you are to the bride and being there to support them on their big day, but if you cannot do all of the things involved, which are out of the norm (weekends away, etc) that shouldn't be held against you.
But take my advice with a grain of salt, because from my post below, I obviously didn't know it was now etiquette to demand your family be invited to the bride's wedding. LOL
I would just talk with the bride and let her know how you feel and say "if you don't think I should be part of the wedding because I can't do this and this, I understand" If she's the type of friend she should be, she will understand.
Good luck!
No, you definitely don't have to go, but it would be nice. Since you are fairly close could you maybe just go for part of the weekend if funds are an issue?
For the record, I would be very put off if the MOH "told me" what the plans for the Bachelorette party were. Every wedding that I have been in the BP was planned by all the bridesmaids, not just the MOH.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
I don't think you are obliged to go, if you "really" can't, but in my experience with being a Matron of Honor it is a lot of work and a lot of money on just a few people if other bridesmaids aren't contributing in some way towards the shower and bachelorette party. I am out of work and ended up having to pay 75% of the shower and bachelorette party for a girlfriend of mine that just had her wedding this past June. It was a lot for me to have to deal and there were 6 girls, so you would have thought I would have at least received some help.
If you are not going, I would at least contact the Matron/Maid of Honor (who is normally the one in charge of the details) and offer to help (whether it be your time, money, sending out invites, whatever).
You are under no obligation to go, but I have to admit that 2 of your 3 reasons seem a little crotchety (for lack of a better word) to me. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it and that is 100% a reasonable and adequate reason - you don't need another. However, the fact that you "just don't want to go away for a weekend" and that you are comparing it to your bachelorette party don't hold as much water for me, and as a bride those two reasons would hurt my feelings. What you did for yours is of no relevance. Most bachelorette parties I have been to have been 2 day or more events, and a lot involved travel (not all due to being "destination" parties, but some because I now live across the country from a lot of my friends and would fly for the bachelorette weekend and the wedding). I always enjoy a weekend away with my closest friends (since you are a bridesmaid I am assuming you are close). Just my 2 cents, but again not being able to afford it makes all of this moot. Let the MOH know you are sorry that you can't go due to finances, and take the bride out to dinner on your own to celebrate,.
We are very close, we've been bffs since 6th grade. I just don't see myself leaving my family for a weekend if it is with anyone other than my husband. I'm sure it sounds b!tchy, but if I am taking off on a Friday and spending over $500 for a weekend away, then I better be there with my DH go I can get some lovin' -- hehe. Having a "girls weekend" it not at all on my radar of things to do right now.
I should add that 4 BM (out of 8) have kids and I don't know that the other 3 will be going. My guess is no, but I could be wrong. I was the only mom who showed up for dress shopping, the others couldn't get away.
i guess i should give my reasons why I would go. I only said yes to being a bridesmaids to my very best girlfriends and my sister. We all 'did it all' for each other. yes, it was a lot of money, but it was worth it. we are all still very close and those are really special memories for me. and it was the same thing with our babies too -- we all went all out. I feel very lucky to have these girls in my life and I would have spent whatever it took -- it wasn't about the money, it was about being with them during a special, unique time in their lives.
Out of the four times I've been a bridesmaid (3 girlfriends and my sister), twice I was definitely in not the best financial situation, but I managed. GL with your decision.
you're not obligated to go if you can't afford it. but if this is really your bff i would do what i could to make it. you said it's a year out, so you would have plenty of time to save up even if money is tight. i would do whatever i could to go to my best friends. which we actually did something similar...we went to the jersey shore for the weekend. and b/c there was a big group of us, it wasn't expensive at all. i don't know though, sounds like there's more going on with this... are you sure you're really best friends?
This is where I was coming from. The 3 times I have been a bridesmaid have been for my best friends and sister - these are some of the people I feel closest with and wanted to make sure I was with them in whatever they wanted to do.