Community› The Bump Message Boards› Adoption
Adoption
New Discussion

adoption views question from newbie

makmamamakmama
in Adoption
I'm thinking of international adoption (china). After having my son, I spoke to my dr. and she thought that there were too many people seeking to adopt babies and not enough to go around. My feeling was more that I have found myself in lucky circumstances (good family, finance stable, etc) and could offer a child a great home. I have no problems to have more biological children. My question, then, is do you feel it is fair for me to adopt? Or would I be stealing a chance from someone else? 
Report Reply to Post

Re: adoption views question from newbie

  • thebratbridethebratbride

    I would be shocked and upset if my Dr. would say something like that to me.  I would also be looking for another Dr who does not voice personal views about a subject she does not understand or know anything about. 

    Adoption is a personal decision and it does not matter if you have IF issues or not.  If you feel it is the right decision for your family and you feel "called to do it"  then go for it.  Many people who do not have IF issues adopt.

     I do have IF issues and I do not feel that you would be "stealing my chance."

    Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • BB&JBB&J

    IMO everyone has their own personal reasons about what let them to adoption. I guess I just take a more "if it's supposed to happen and I do the legwork, it will fall into place and them I'll know it was the right thing" kind of approach.

    I took DD back to China this summer to visit orphanage, meet foster mother etc. (we adopted her at 10 1/2 months in 2003) and I was told that the wait for a healthy girl is now at about 5 years. Don't know if that influences your decision at all but most of the babies we saw at orphanages when we visited are all special needs. I guess this is a good sign because of a loosening of the One Child Policy and because their economy is good, more people can afford to keep their children.

    BB&J

    Report Reply
  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member

    My husband and I are in the process of adopting from Peru.  We have never TTC, and do not know of any reasons we would have difficulty if we tried.  We are adopting because we feel blessed, and would like to share our blessings with a child who might otherwise not have a family or similar opportunities.  Given that, I pretty much agree with Fred's point below:

     

    imagefredalina:

    In my opinion, if you are fertile and you are looking to adopt a child from one of those situations where there are more adopters than there are adoptees, i would encourage you to look at a different path.  Especially if your primary motivation is to give a home to a child who might not otherwise have a home.  Not that you shouldn't be "allowed" to adopt that healthy white infant domestically, but it just seems counterintuitive if you're wanting to "help" to pick a group that doesn't need "help", if that makes sense.

     

    May I ask why you are thinking of adopting from China?  My understanding of the current situation there is similar to Fred's.  I really don't know if any agencies are really accepting new applicants for China programs right now because the wait is so long, except for those willing to adopt a child with special needs (for which China has a great need).  If there are particular things you are drawn to about China's program, perhaps you can find similar traits in another country's.

    Report Reply
  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    Also, is your doctor a family doctor, who would also treat any children you might adopt?  If so, I don't think I would still feel comfortable using her after adopting, if I were in your shoes.
    Report Reply
  • thebratbridethebratbride

     

    Here's where my views become unpopular.  In my opinion, if you are fertile and you are looking to adopt a child from one of those situations where there are more adopters than there are adoptees, i would encourage you to look at a different path.  Especially if your primary motivation is to give a home to a child who might not otherwise have a home.  Not that you shouldn't be "allowed" to adopt that healthy white infant domestically, but it just seems counterintuitive if you're wanting to "help" to pick a group that doesn't need "help", if that makes sense.  If, on the other hand, you're wanting to adopt for reasons other than "helping", then i have no problems with you adopting from whatever pool you want to adopt from.  i do commend you for even considering this side of things.  Sigh, i'll probably get flamed all over again, but you did ask, and i'm sharing.

     

    so this is my first attempt to respond with a quote (hope it works.)

    I totally understand where you are coming from - Fred, you always have great in site, views and opinions.   I would never flame anyone for their opinion even if it differs from mine Wink

    I wish more people (my DH included) were more open to "harder to adopt children"  Like older children, foster children, ect..  Those are the children who need the most help ( including AA babies)  What a person is comfortable with is a big decision- IF or not.

     

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"