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Blended Families
ScissorTailedFlycatcher
member
Name tattoos...
ScissorTailedFlycatcher
member
This post is inspired by a post on the 2nd Tri board. Anyway...
DH and I were talking the other day about how we wouldn't mind getting a tattoo someday. We talked about what random things we might get as well as the idea of getting the same idea (but not the same tattoo).
I thought of us both getting our kids names tattooed on us. This would be something small, but meaningful. Anyway, the thought came up of whether or not I would get SD and SS's names tattooed on me. I don't have a problem with it at all. I absolutely adore them, I help raise them, and I wouldn't want my bio-kids to have any claim over me than them. DH brought up that it might upset BM.
I'm totally on the fence. We are both currently tattoo free, so we could go either way of getting one or not. It also depends on money, size, placement, and if I could find a reputable artist that I totally trust.
So, would you get your SK's name(s) tattooed on you if you decided to get one that used all of your kids names?
(Note: We plan on having one more, so I would either wait until after that or leave space to put future LO's name in there)?
And.....
discuss.?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Name tattoos...
I think that there are some things that should only be left up to the actual Mom's and Dads and this might be one of them. I'm so not the tattoo type though so I really can't be sure that I completely understand all the dynamics surronding this topic.
I wouldn?t get a tattoo. I hate needles.
That being said, if you feel your step-kids are part of your family, I would vote that you include their names. Who cares what BM will think? I?m pretty sure she can?t take you to court over a tattoo on your body.
That is a tough one. No one likes to think about this, but if you and your DH were to split up how would you feel about having the kids' names permanently on your body? For me, it would be a painful reminder and I wouldn't want to do it.
As far as it upsetting the BM, I don't know the BM in your situation, but as a BM it wouldn't bother me. If my DD's (hopefully) future stepmom wants to get DD's name tattooed on her body she has my full blessing. I would think it was awesome that she felt that strongly about DD and didn't consider her a "step" child. But that is just me.
I do understand your concern for not wanting to get your biokids name tattooed, but not your stepkids'. You've got a while to think about it, maybe you can come up with a symbol or something else meaningful to all of you that isn't just the kids' names? Even include the kids in designing it and make it a family project?
DH has a tattoo with SD's name and birthdate. He will be adding to it with our baby's name and bday and we too plan on having one more.
DH is trying to talk me into getting a tatto as well. If I do it I think it would just be with my biological children. I love my SD but I don't know that I would be comfortable with that, what if something did happen and you and DH split up, It wasn't even something that occured to me honeslty.
I don't have their names but I have a tattoo that is a tribal that has each of thier 1st initials in it (although you wouldn't know it if you didn't have it pointed out to you). I also have a new one drawn up that incorporates something that represents each of them (a sun for the one that I always say is a ball of sunshine type of things).
I don't particularly are for name tattoos. I think there are some nicely done ones that are cool but I prefer to pass on those for myself.
And I am moderately tattooed. I have more than your average joe.
As for the success/failure rate of 2nd marriages...my take on it is that I love my skids with all my heart, no differently than I would love them if they were my own flesh and blood. Even if my marriage should happen to fail, my feelings for those kids would never change and I want to always have something to carry with me that reminds me of them.
I would skip it all together. That sounds like a slippery area to get into so it's best to avoid all together.
If you want to do a tattoo how about some symbol and add one for each kid rather then name each specific kid? Like I have a snowflake tattoo and considered adding more snowflakes someday one for each kid. If you like daisies or such you could add a daisy for each kid. That way you're including all of the kids without out right claiming them as yours (stepping on BM's toes).
My only comment about symbolism vs. the name thing is that I am a graphic designer. I love typography, meaning - text is what I would want.?
I also don't feel that my marriage will fail. Of course that is optimistic, but I really don't think it will. Even if that did happen, to be realistic, it wouldn't change the love that I have felt for those kids since I met them. ?
Is it so awful that someone would actually care what a BM thinks?
If BM wanted to get "I hate ShortyRed" tattooed on her butt, I wouldn't care, but I doubt she will take my thoughts into consideration.?
I don't mean in just this circumstance, but it seems like overall lately the general tone of the board is that BM's suck and who cares what they think. It makes me wonder if that isn't somehow connected to the fact that so many people here are having issues with the BM.
BTW ShortRed
You have an adorable baby bump!
THANK YOU!!
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I would get initials, not the full names...
I do want a tattoo and am not planning on having any kids-3 SKIDS is plenty, but would not get their names on my body. I think it depends on your relationship w them. Is the BM involved in their lives and all. We share custody, but they mainly live w BM-who, I do believe is a good mom, but there are other things... I don't have major issues with her as I stay clear of her.
I think there are BM issues just cause that's how it's going to be. I am sure there are also BF issues here, too, we just hear it more on the other side.
Do what you feel is right to your body. You are the one who will have it on you...
And that's my 2 cents.
She is involved in their lives. She has primary custody of them. I can't say that she would necessarily mind if I put the names on me, but I can't be for certain. I would ask her opinion, but I can't say that I would not get it done just because she minded.?
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I won't ever get a tattoo. It's just not my thing but my husband has two.
My only advice if you do it...do it in a way that you can always add on if you have more kids. Two years ago my husband put all four of his kid's names on his arm and it was done in such away that it was in one tattoo and not easy to add onto or change. He thought he was done having kids. So did I at the time, but our minds changed.
Our child together will have to go elsewhere. So just be smart in how you do it if you do it and consider that potential issue....even if you think it may not be an issue.
Oh yeah, we've definitely thought about this. Excellent point to bring up.?
FI did this with his zodiac sign and his kids. They think it's pretty cool that he did that and they each know which is theirs. I have an angel for each of mine and again my kids both dig them! That being said, as much as I love my soon to be SKs, I don't know that I would get a tattoo for them. Not that I don't adore them but it just seems weird to me. FI talked about getting my kids added after we get married, but I'm opposed...it just doesn't feel right. But to each their own!!
Yeah, I would leave that up to DH to do. I do have a very small tattoo that you cant see unless I'm naked, so I don't mind them but I wouldn't do it. Again, I always try to put myself in BM's shoes for stuff like this and if the tables were turned, I would NOT be happy about some woman putting my kids names on her body. I'm the only one who gets that right cause I carry the scars (c-section scar & stretched v ajay jay).
If BM were not in the picture, I would still get the approval from the children and if they weren't old enough, I'd wait.
I would never do a name on my body and I have 2 tattoos. That is just my personal preferance though. I love the symbolism idea though.
Hmm.
Well, DH and I both have several tattoos, all coverable by clothing if need be. Although, I will say skip the hip tattoos, as one that I have looks kinda intersting with my baby bump, and I'm a little concerned about how it will look after. :P Also, I would never get DH's name as I think it's bad luck, and I've already had to have one cover up done from a previous relationship.
That said, I already have a tattoo designed for after DS is born. It will be SD's handprint a the age she is now, with DS's baby handprint, with their names and birthdays. I've actually already mentioned it to BM and she doesnt have a problem with it, although I can't say for sure if it would stop me if she did.
SD will always be a part of my life, no matter what happens to DH and I. I have been raising her with her bio parents since she was a toddler. I attend all her school functions and am involved with every aspect of her life. I have cleaned poopy panties, vomit, and bed wetting. I have gotten up in the middle of the night for fevers and nightmares. I have watched her grow and learn and thrive. I can tell you right now, if DH and I were to split I would spend every dime I have to at least establish visitation.
The dad in Clueless said it perfectly, "You divorce wives (husbands), not children."
I could have written this myself - aside from us already having tattoos. Not sure about placement just yet (it won't be done for a while) but it would be able to be covered easily by clothing. I really like your idea for the tat!?
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Thanks! Seeing as how it's unlikely we will be neighbors or something IRL, feel free to borrow it and make it your own
lol
But like I said, if you plan on having more kids, stay away from the hips, lol.
Coming into this waaaaay late. Here is what we are doing:
DH has his son's name tattooed around one wrist. Our LO will be tattooed around his other. DH also has several tattoos with black and red stars, and my tattoo has black stars in it... I am planning on getting a tattoo with our last initial (M) in a cool font in black, with red stars playing into it. One red star for each child. And yes, SS will be represented. But since we aren't using names, only my family will know what the stars represent.
Phew, we are officially over that streak of thinking alike. Now me and my cheap@$$ can sleep soundly tonight.
LOL
Sorry you've been losing sleep MRSHK. Glad I could help you out with my "no tats on girls" policy. I'll be strictly enforcing it when it comes time for the boys to start dating.