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Parenting
What would you sacrifice to give your children a better childhood?
My DH and I have been talking about relocating in the next 3-5 years. We currently live just outside of Orlando, Florida and are thinking of moving back to where he grew up in Connecticut. It means I would live away from my mom for the first time in my entire life. I have always been no more than 30 minutes from her and I see her every week, and talk with her every day. It would also mean cold weather again, which I left behind in Illinois 19 years ago.
We love Orlando and our proximity to the beach, but feel that our children would have a better childhood/start in life if we moved to be closer to his family. We would move to either Eastern New York or Western Connecticut, somewhere along the state line. We could get an acre or 2 and build our dream house, with an inlaw suite in the basement for my mom for when she retires. Here, we are in cramped subdivisions with tiny lots and subpar schools, not to mention it seems like every sex offender lives here as well. I just wish my children could go out in the yard and play while I watch from the kitchen and get my things done, which isn't the case here.
I know it will take a lot to readjust to living in the snow again, but it would be nice to have the change of seasons again, and Christmas would feel like Christmas again.
Would you make the major move knowing it would benefit your children, even though you would have to start over again (friends, work, finding your way around)?
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Re: What would you sacrifice to give your children a better childhood?
From the info you've given here, I would move tomorrow if I were in your position. Sure, you would be starting over, but it is better to do that now when you and your kids are young than when they are older, already in school and really established there. It sounds like you are really close to your mom, and I can definitely see where that would be hard for you, but it will be nice to have your dh's family close by. I wouldn't do it if there wasn't family there because, to me, that's really important.
Best of luck with your decision!
I would be able to do that, but it's be REALLY hard to be away from my parents. How long until she's able to come closer/with you?
I love snow!
I would do just about anything to ensure my children have a better life.
That said, it doesn't sound like the reasons you are listing are all that important to children anyway. I mean, they have a adequate roof over their head, they are in school (or will be), etc etc etc. Schools, generally speaking, are all the same. It's really up to THE KID (and parents) as to what they make of their education.
In addition, if you make YOURSELF miserable in the process -- your children will end up miserable. A happy mom is way more important than a better school system, IMO.
So you have to ask yourself, will you be happy with the move too?
I would.
We have 10 acres and we let the kids go out and play by themselves, they know where there can go when we are inside (you could do that on 1 or 2 acres too.) I don't have to worry about someone wandering up to them. At my parents (in a subdivision) I worry about the kids going out to play there.
I would love to relocate but DH is very tied to his parents. They are elderly (in their 80s) and dont speak English. Wherever we go they will have to come with us and there just arent that many places that would have the services they need.That said if DH had to make a major move for work, we would have to make it work somehow. For now we are tied to the NYC metro area. One day I would like to head out west SF area or the Pacific NW.
I appreciate all of your responses. We still have time to mull it over. I start nursing school in January and have 2 years until that is finished. Hopefully mu DH won't lose his job anc an transfer with his current company.
My daughter is already in Kindergarten this year, and if/when we make the move she'll still be in elementary school. I know that I would not want her to be much older when we do it.
As far as my mom goes, she's planning to retire in about 5 years, so she could then become a snowbird and spend her summers with us, and her winters with my sister here in Florida or back in Atlanta (she and her husband are planning on moving back up there in around 5 years).
I am not really following some of your points. Sexual predators are everywhere - and most of them are not registered. Just because you move to a certain area does not mean it is more safe from them.
I know of someone right now that has two young girls, lives waaaaay out in the boonies and the one neighbor they happen to have right across the street molested his kids. They don't know he did this and they eat dinner with him a several times a week.
As for the school system, why can't you just move to a better district instead of out of state? There are tons of A rated schools without having to move so far.
I think you could make minor adjustments and not have to be so drastic about things. But hey, maybe you really want to be up north and you are finding reasons to support that. That is fine, just think it through. It doesn't have to be just where you are or just up North. Good luck.
Ditto this. Is there really nowhere in the greater Orlando area that isn't rife with sex offenders and bad schools? It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
If you'd like to live in CT anyway that's one thing, but I'm not quite understanding your reasoning.
100% this!
I was thinking this same thing. And while this isn't meant to be snarky even though it may sound it, it's YOUR dream house (not your kids)!
I gave up living near my big city, east coast family to move to a small town in the midwest.
I gave up having a career and being able to splurge on anything and everything so that I can stay home with them.
I gave up the convienece of school days to homeschool my 3 year old, as he was wilting in the school environment.
I think kids are worth sacrificing for, no matter what, even if it means inconvienece to us parents.
Liam is 5!
DH and I are in this exact same position. We currently live in the suburbs of St. Louis, Missouri. St. Louis has a horrible reputation as being "the most dangerous city in America," but it's just like most other cities...there are places that are great, and places you stay away from. Obviously, DH and I chose to live in a nice section here, and we're happy for now. All of my immediate family lives here and, like you, my mom is just 30 minutes away.
If we move, we would be living in Colorado, in a great little town with good schools and a very safe life for our kids. We are able to let our kids out in the yard and stuff now, but our city is pretty big and there is a lot of trash here. We want a smaller town, but with the choice to go to the bigger cities if we want to (we would easily be able to get to Fort Collins, Denver, and Longmont if we wanted).
I think while your situation is a bit difficult, the choice is quite easy - make the move. Everything you said about it sounds right - except the part about leaving your family. And you know, it will be difficult at first, but you will get used to it. Plus, you will have your DHs family for support. There's always the internet, phones, and travel to stay connected with your family, too. It also sounds like you have some time (3-5 years) to make this decision, so I would weigh it carefully. Have you talked to your family about it? Would they support your decision to move?
I did it. Although it involved leaving family (and moving to a place with no family). We moved b/c we could afford to buy a house close to where DH works (vs an hour plus commute in NYC)... I could afford to stay home with the kids. Fresh air, etc.
It hasn't been all easy but I have no doubt it was the right decision. I love NYC and if I won the lottery we'd move back there. But while 2 people working 50 hours a week and commuting 2 hours a day is the only way to get a house that we could afford... well it was an easy decision!
I would sacrifice a lot for my kids but I don't think moving away from my family would be a benefit for them (they live within an hour from us). My DH's parents moved when our oldest DD was a year old and my kids knew them...but didn't spend much time with them. In your situation it sounds like you would be closer to more family (your DH's) and the only family you have in FL is your mom. I would make the move.
My DH's sister lives in FL (Orlando) and she loves it. Her DS just moved to Melbourne because he wanted to be near the ocean. He said why would anyone want to live in Florida and not live by the beach. I tend to agree with him. So...it's not like you are giving up the beach...just the warm weather. I live in MI and I would have no problem going to FL for a vacation during the dreary February days. lol