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3rd Trimester
SDKelli
member
MIL: "We didn't have/do that when DH was a baby!"
SDKelli
member
I was explaining the guidelines to MIL for SIDS (i.e. sleeping on back, no blankets, bumpers, stuffed animals or anything in crib, fan in room, etc.) and she said, "Well we didn't do that when DH was a baby and he survived!"
Then I was explaining the AngelCare we got for a gift monitor and she said the same thing....
I just told her yeah he might have turned out fine, but they didn't know as much back then as they do now about SIDS and about babies in general.
What do you guys say when older parents say stuff like this about new products or new parenting ideas?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MIL: "We didn't have/do that when DH was a baby!"
My MIL says stuff like that all the time
My husband is 38 freaking years old. Of course things are different... everything is different.
And her other grandkids are already in their teens.... so even the up to date knowledge she has is WAY old.
Most of the time I just smile and say. I know, but this is my baby can we do it my way please
Sarah, 35 bumping from NE Ohio
Married my love 4/22/2006
DD born 10/12/2009
DS born sleeping 2/23/2013 full trisomy 18
Baby 3 due 2/13/2015
I don't really say anything. It is true, they didn't do that and we did turn out fine, but I keep most of our parenting decisions and products to ourself.... way easier that way. When our parents ask questions I just say we haven't decided and if they give advice I smile and listen and move on. Why start an argument with the in-laws or parents... they aren't going to be at home raising her, we are.
Tell her that s the reason why the SIDS rate is decreasing.
Also, remind her that infant care changes for the better- babies used to have open-heart surgery without anesthesia. I couldn't imagine the thought of that now.
"That's great but times have changed and this is what WE have decided to do for safety reasons."
They have to respect that or else!
my mom basically threw a fit saying that we didn't die sleeping on our tummy's.
I told her if she EVER wanted to watch LO by herself, she needed to just listen to us. Doesn't hurt that we also received a "nanny cam" as a present and I told her that I would hide it and if she didn't follow our guidelines I would KNOW!
I know that might seem a little harsh, but if you knew my mother you would understand
Chemical Pregnancy 10/5/10
BFP 2/7/11--m/c 2/12/11
TTD pics taken by knottie jen&louie
Honestly my?response?is?usually?that they are right. ?Most parents and grandparents didn't take anywhere near the amount of precautions that are taken today. ?And most of them had?children?that turned out fine. ?However I do also add that it never hurts to take precautions because no one wants to be the one that loses their child.
I don't agree that they didn't know as much about babies though, I really don't think most of our science does ?anything since we currently have the lowest survival rate in the industrialized world when it comes to the first year of life.
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MILs neighbor offered to let her use her crib (it's only 4 yrs old) and I told her I'd have to make sure it hadn't been recalled.
She said "it doesn't matter. It's not like he's going to live in it." Actually MIL it does matter. I also told her it'd have to have an angelcare monitor in it. Henry will not be sleeping without one unless he's in his swing and I'm watching him.
yeah i had to explain to my grandmother that breastmilk is better for baby than formula.
I would just smile and nod.
Thanks ladies...all good advice!
I should have added....This is the same woman that gave us a "new" travel system that was from 1996....It has since been recalled. She also gave me a used breast pump and a high chair from 1996 as well. It was nice of her to get that stuff for us, but I prefer to use new stuff!
This
Well it really doesn't matter what she thinks because you have the right to make these decisions for your own child.
That being said, I think there is a lot of irrational fear out there being used to sell products etc. and therefore you might want to listen and consider some pieces of her advice in some cases. For example, the AngelCare monitor, hasn't been proven to help protect babies beyond a normal cheaper monitor.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
Each to the their own and everything in moderation.
Alcohol has been around almost as long as modern humans and plenty of pregnant women smoke and drink without issues, its just not popular to admit these as much nowadays. I trust an occasional beer over big money drugs and gadgets which were invented in this century any day!
I wonder how all these people who worry so much are able to deal with the stress?
How about "Bite Me" at least that is what I would love to say to my MIL
My MIL is the same way. She has made sooo many comments about that. I don't really respond when she does.
She CONSTANTLY tried to give me things from when DH was a baby 30 YEARS AGO. She has a crib - which she was saying that she would set up (meaning bring up ?flights of stairs for a weekend visit - I told her that is why we will have the pack and play. They live 3 hours away.
She also said she has bottles, cloth diapers, bottle warmer and MANY other things. Ohhhh and she has a highchair. I tried to say things like safety standards have changed. She says - it was fine for my kids.
We also got a highchair from my SIL and decided to get a new one instead. I told MIL that they could have it and she said that she has one in the basement. I just don't know what else to say. Last itme they were here FIL said they could take high chair and use it at their house when we visit and MIL said - we have one in the basement.
She also tried to give us a playpen (which is prob HUGE and a ton of toys. She told us to shop in her basement. I ignored it but DH would never go for that.. lol.
Sorry so long - guess I needed to vent..
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Ugh, I hate this... luckily my mom is incredibly supportive of all the research I do, and MIL never says anything about it (at least to my face!)). My aunt, on the other hand... yeah...
Something along the lines of "YEAH, a lot's changed since we were babies, huh? I bet there were some things that changed from the time that you were a baby until you had kids, huh?" And if you don't get the 'right' response, I'd just say "Huh... weird." And leave it at that.
MIL pulls this all the time. We are currently arguing with her about bringing our 10 day old daughter to her house for Christmas. Her entire family smokes in the house and doesn't think anything of doing it near the kids. Um... No. She tries to point out that DH was around it his whole life and he turned out fine. She says the same thing about the whole sleeping on the stomach issue.
FIL is much older (he's 20 yrs older than MIL and they've been divorced for 20 years), but much more receptive. His first son passed away from SIDS at the age of 3 months so that's not something that he takes lightly.
My MIL had the same conversation w/my husband (I was not in the room at the time) and giving him "advice". My husband put an immediate stop and brought up the mortality rate when she was a kid. His mom had like 10 siblings but only 7 survived. Why? She didnt know - they were sick? He said that's because medicine back then was very lacking. Time's have changed!
He asked her if she knew where to put the carseat and she didn't even know. He said, "Ok, case closed. I know more than you. Your advice is completely outdated." LOL!!!