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Flame away...upset over going back to work after the baby is born...

blessedinthewestblessedinthewest member
in 3rd Trimester

Well I hope I can blame most of yesterday on hormones.  SO had been gone Fri and Sat night to a golf tournament.  Well I woke up early Sunday with good intentions to get some house rearranging/cleaning done but by 9:30 am I was back in bed depressed and crying...I thought the episode would last a couple of hours at most but it ended up lasting 10 hours.  I just couldn't shake the angry, sad, upset feeling. 

The closer the delivery gets I just keep getting so frustrated because I will have to go back to work.  The reason I have to go back to work is because SO has to pay a bunch of money every month for child support.  Yes, I understand that this is the way it is and will be for the next 5 years but it still doesn't mean I can't get upset about it from time to time.  So while my newborn baby is in daycare I will be working all day and in the meantime his daughters are getting private school, Wii's, new laptops, bare minerals make up (at 12 years old), haircuts and colors every 6 weeks, eating out all the time...

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Re: Flame away...upset over going back to work after the baby is born...

  • DeepoetDeepoet member
    I am going through almost the same thing... DH lost his job and has not been working hard at finding a new one so I have to go back to work after 6 weeks and wish that I were home with the baby as originally planned!
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  • S@BmrsestabrookS@Bmrsestabrook
    You reasons for being upset sound valid. But you are right, nothing can be done to make it different. So try not to let something you cannot change ruin the time you have to enjoy your pregnancy. If you worry throughout your pregnancy and your maternity leave about going back to work, you will miss out on the joy you can be having now. Easier said then done I know but put forth some effort to stop the pity party.
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  • stckgrl79stckgrl79
    It is almost time for SO to contact his lawyer.  When your LO arrives he can put in a plea for a lower amount in child support because he now has another mouth to feed.  It is worth a shot.  GL and you have every right to be upset.  I would never flame you for your thoughts on this topic.  It must be upsetting to have to send LO to daycare just so you can pay for someone elses kids to get pampered like they were movie stars.
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  • BonzerBonzer
    I'm sorry. I don't know why you're getting pre-defensive ( Flame away?) because I think most of us would prefer NOT having to go back to work, or at least going back full time given the option.
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  • dnhdnh member
    When I need to vent about ?the child support, sks or the ex wife I take my posts to the BF boards. You will get good advice and support from other second time wives there.
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  • BrideInLondonBrideInLondon

    Consider reading the book "Getting to 50/50". It may help you in planning how to go back to work so that it works for you, and may help to ease your anxiety about it.

    G/L

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  • catycombscatycombs member
    I understand your frustration, but you had to have known this previous to getting KU. I have debt from a previous marrige, thus I have to work for 2 more years. I am less than thrilled about going back to work after the baby is born, but I accepted that before getting pregnant.  I am not flaming you, but it will be bad on your marrige if you do not just accept the situation. You chose your SO with his children.
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  • mrs_sherodmrs_sherod member

    imagestckgrl79:
    It is almost time for SO to contact his lawyer.  When your LO arrives he can put in a plea for a lower amount in child support because he now has another mouth to feed.  It is worth a shot.  GL and you have every right to be upset.  I would never flame you for your thoughts on this topic.  It must be upsetting to have to send LO to daycare just so you can pay for someone elses kids to get pampered like they were movie stars.

    This is def a good idea.  His payments can be reduced.

    I can understand as DH used to pay child support for his son, but the child no longer lives with the mother, he lives with MIL. 

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  • Jen1231Jen1231
    I would LOVE to not go back to work.  But, it's something that we just can't afford.  I actually make more money than DH, so it makes no sense for me to be quitting my job.  I guess you just have to look at the bigger picture.  I am doing what is right for my family, even though I don't like it.
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  • tutter805tutter805

    I feel your pain. I'm in a bit of the same boat. It's really frustrating!!

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  • mwallisermwalliser member

    I can understand that it's upsetting that his other children seem to be getting the better end of the deal (with all the expensive non-necessities)... sorry about that.  Hopefully something can be worked out so that your LO is getting at least the same deal that they are (equal at least).

    As far as having to go back to work... a lot of us have to, you aren't the only one.  Sure, I think that most of us would much rather be able to be at home with LO, but unfortunately it's not going to happen.  Hang in there... 

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  • Nicole731Nicole731 member
    I won't flame you. That definitely sucks. Unfortunately there isn't much that can be done about it, so you just have to focus on being the best parent you can be in any way that you can.
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  • blessedinthewestblessedinthewest member

    imagestckgrl79:
    It is almost time for SO to contact his lawyer.  When your LO arrives he can put in a plea for a lower amount in child support because he now has another mouth to feed.  It is worth a shot.  GL and you have every right to be upset.  I would never flame you for your thoughts on this topic.  It must be upsetting to have to send LO to daycare just so you can pay for someone elses kids to get pampered like they were movie stars.
    '

    Thank you for the suggestion and understanding.  I found women on the BF board to always flame me when I complained about child support.

    Though my experience with lawyers is it seems to cost just as much to hire them as to just pay the child support...You end up spending thousands on attorney fees to fight over a couple of hundred a month.  But we'll see.

     

     

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  • jinnymbjinnymb member
    I'm sorry you are going through this, I know it's frustrating in any financial situation to not be able to stay home if you want to.  Is there anyway to keep working your budget in order to maybe go part time?  I hope you guys work everything out and try to not get too stressed for your health as difficult as that is!!



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  • kimberlyk921kimberlyk921

    imagecatycombs:
    I understand your frustration, but you had to have known this previous to getting KU. I have debt from a previous marrige, thus I have to work for 2 more years. I am less than thrilled about going back to work after the baby is born, but I accepted that before getting pregnant.  I am not flaming you, but it will be bad on your marrige if you do not just accept the situation. You chose your SO with his children.

    this! i totally understand your frustration but don't let it come between you and your SO or you and his children. 

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  • jdouglas84jdouglas84 member
    I feel the same way. I usually end up crying when we board our dog when we go on vacation, so I know I"m going to be a complete wreck when I drop of my baby at daycare.
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  • getnmarried910getnmarried910 member

    Wow.  I guess I thought child support was to be used to supply basic necessities.  I don't have experience in this area, though.  That really sucks.  I'm sorry.  I could only see private schools being a necessity if they live in a bad school district, but wii's, laptops, hair and make-up are NOT necessities.  My word.

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  • Jessalicious01Jessalicious01 member

    I don't really want to flame you because I can understand wanting to stay home with your child. 

    BUT

    at least you have a job! At a time when there's so many of us out there who have recently lost theirs or can't find one. 

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  • KandM05KandM05
    I understand what your going through. My husband shells out a TON of money for his 2 children from a previous marriage. And although i do agree he should financially help them (however, i dont think he should have to pay as much as he does), its hard to see that hard earned money not going towards the family income. I will need to go back to work too, because after my husband pays his support, I actually bring in more money than he does. We could NEVER survive off of the remainder of what he has left. Andof course the catch 22 is that if he gets a promotion or another job, it only increases his child support. Its hard to be stuck between "well, i made the choice to be with this person knowing he has to financially support other children" and "but we have our own family now too, and we need the money for ourselves and our children". but like pp said, its a decision we made and its a fact of life right now, so it really doesnt do any good to get upset over it (even though I think these feelings are normal and valid). Good luck, but for your LO's sake, figure out how to get out of this slump your in......
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  • beastmel04beastmel04
    imageJessalicious01:

    I don't really want to flame you because I can understand wanting to stay home with your child. 

    BUT

    at least you have a job! At a time when there's so many of us out there who have recently lost theirs or can't find one. 

    Ditto this! We are struggling because I can't find a job.  

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  • nadiarlnadiarl member

    That sucks.

    Here's my flame... You chose to make a baby with a guy with significant financial obligations to HIS OWN CHILDREN. All that stuff that money can buy doesn't even begin to make up for the shitty situation of being a kid stuck in a parents bad marriage or divorce... flame over.

    At least your kid will be living with his/her mom and dad. That is worth a lot. I would be upset about having to put my newborn in daycare too. It is a bummer for all kids involved.

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  • chisoxgalchisoxgal
    My DS is 14 months old, I'm pregnant with my second and you never know....your feelings might change after the baby is born.  I was on the fence about returning to work, but I work part time and LOVE IT.  I would go crazy if I were home every day.  Maybe you can work something out so you only have to go back part time?  You get the benefit of getting out the house, making some money but still get to spend a majority of your time with your little one.  Maybe it's an option for you?
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