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Sleep deprivation...I need advice (long and rambling because I'm tired)...
DD's sleep has been all over the place. She has a hard time napping for more than 30 minutes, and she only goes down for about 2 naps a day, so I know she's not getting enough sleep during the day. Last night not included, she's been up at least once every hour. I know we just got back from travelling and that has thrown her off some, but this started before we left, so travelling isn't completely to blame (I think she actually slept a little better while we were away). The pacifier is the big culprit. She's really become dependent on it; won't fall asleep without it and wakes up pissed when it's missing. DH was on baby duty this weekend, and he finally got a taste of what I've been dealing with. So yesterday he decides that we need to start Ferber. I told him I wanted us both to read the book first and then discuss because I'm not sure I can handle any form of CIO. Well, I went to run errands, and he decided to try it at naptime. He followed the 5, 10, 15, 15, 15 minute nap advice, and I came home to a red in the face screaming baby. She screamed the entire hour. I was pissed! I nursed until she calmed down, which took a while, and then laid down with her on my bed. She napped for and hour and a half. I told DH that I would try to figure something out, but that I was not willing to allow that to happen again. So last night, I got her to sleep drowsy but awake without the paci after about an hour. She only woke up twice in the night, but each time it took me about 30 minutes to get her back to sleep, again without the paci. So when I went back to bed, I was awake for a while. Are there any tricks to getting babies back to sleep? Patting, shooshing, singing...nothing worked as long as she was still in the crib. I had to pick her up and nurse. Is it crazy to try to get rid of the paci cold turkey? Last night was a million times better, so I'm hoping the trend will continue, but any advice on getting her to sleep easier would be great. Just for reference, our normal bedtime routine is nurse, bath, book/song, paci while I rock her to sleep. Last night the paci was replaced by a second nursing. I know she'd sleep better at night if she napped better during the day, so for now, I'm going to nap with her because that seems to help, but I don't think that should be the longterm solution. I'm exhausted, but I think I'd rather be tired than let her scream for any length of time. It just broke my heart when I came home to that.
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Re: Sleep deprivation...I need advice (long and rambling because I'm tired)...
I'm so sorry. I hope you find some good advice on here because it just makes me sad, for both of you. I'm thinking of you. I'm glad you made your DH spend a night with her to understand your frustrations.
I don't have much advice other than my cousin had a similar problem and instead of Ferber, she successfully used Babywise.
How long has it been going on? Do you think it could be a growth spurt? have you tried an extra nursing session right before you lay her down?
It's been getting progressively worse over the last 2 months, so I don't think it's a growth spurt. I will try an extra nursing session, but sometimes that puts her to sleep, and I think that would just upset her when she wakes up alone in the crib later. I really think drowsy but awake is important for her, but it's hard to achieve.
Reason #4735 not to Ferber without reading the book. He specifically says in there that it should not go on for that long when they are put down for a nap. Ferber is a type of CIO, but he goes through a very specific routine.
FWIW- I'm a HUGE advocate of Ferber (as you know) and I'd be pissed, too, if one of my kids had been crying for an hour while trying to go to sleep.
Now, does A use the paci any other time of the day? At ~ 6 mos, we went cold turkey on the paci during the day AND at naps. It was really rough, but Jack found his thumb when he needed it. I'm glad that he has his paci attached to him. When I dropped him off at MDO this morning, there was a little girl who was upset and kept crying. Well, everything she went to cry, her paci fell out and needed to be washed. It was handed back to her, she would start to cry again and it went on like that for the 5 minutes I was in the room. I digress. Is there a way to wean her from the paci?
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That's really good to know. Now I'm curious what it says...
sorry i know that is tough! J still has some rough nights where he is up atleast once an hour but he is easy to get back asleep though. no advice on that since we are using the paci. luckily he does not get mad when it falls out or anything and sometimes he will actually put himself back asleep during the night.
i agree with you though i really do think the awake but drowsy is key. we did this with Abby and are now doing it with J. with Abby it took about a full week maybe a little more. but once she got it it was heaven. i could put her down and leave the room(after rocking her for a few minutes but just not to sleep), she would maybe wake once or twice in the night, but usually was able to put herself back to sleep. with J we started it a few weeks ago. he took to it really well and it only took a few days to where i could put him down drowsy but not asleep and leave the room. unfortunately it has not carried over to the night wakenings yet though, but i am still hopeful.
i have heard great things about ferber as well, i never had to use it though. G/L!
it is actually very similar to the baby whisperer's EASY routine. i read it when abby was a nb. what is so controversial about it is he is a proponent of scheduled feeding and not feeding on demand. he was way over the top with it , but i think any one with common sense knows if your baby is crying and you know it is out of hunger feed them no matter how long it has been since they last ate. he stance is do not assume it is out of hunger, try other things first.
anyway, i only ever followed the eat, activity, sleep, routine of his but still feed on demand. it worked great for us.
I don't have any advice for you, but wanted to say I feel your pain.
K2 doesn't nap very well either. His naps vary every day. He was sttn before the weight issues. Now he's up at around 10:30am and 5am, which isn't too bad, but I would love some uninterrupted sleep at this point. Especially since K1 has joined in the fun.
We did successfully ferber K1 so I agree that it's best to go by the book. We're waiting to Ferber K2 until after his weight check to see how things are going.
Good luck and hope you get some more sleep soon!
~NDK~
Yeah, I haven't slept through the night since I was 6 months pregnant w/ DD so I REALLY have no advice. (w/ the exception of a handful of nights here and there)
Just wanted to say I feel your pain. Sleep deprivation stinks. I wouldn't know what it was like to feel well rested. I have learned to function though, so if you go the no sleep route, your body does adjust.
i echo bttrcupbride....DS1 finally started consistently STTN after 2 yr old, just a few months after DS2 was born. DS2 is 21 mos. and not STTN. and i'm having another boy in dec. luckily DH has changed since DS2 was born and he is so much more helpful at night, in fact some weeks he gets up more than me. we joke about what we could accomplish if we could sleep again. we have 'adjusted' and we're preparing for another couple yrs of interrupted sleep.
?i know i'm no help! we've done ferber (i agree w/others about reading the book). it worked w/#1 but not #2. ?i say if you have the resolve, go for no paci. it sucks to break the paci habit later (or it did for us). i fell into the same boat w/both kids...could not get past nursing to sleep..or they would scream for hrs. eventually they both weaned though!
DS2 is still waking up around the time that he used to nurse, but we just do other things to get him back to sleep. since i've seen my older son go through this, i'm just waiting it out w/him and feel like he'll start sleeping well on his own eventually. not that you want all this info...but i feel both my kids regress in sleep when they are in developmental growth spurts. DS2 is really picking up the talking right now so i think that is affecting his sleep.?
?good luck! i hope it gets better for you!?
So sorry you guys are going through this, Megan wasn't a good sleeper until 1, I remember how hard it was.
We never did any sleep training or CIO, I followed some the suggestions in the No Cry Sleep Solution and that seemed to help a bit, if anything having a "plan" was helpful. Especially when talking to DH. DH was convinced Megan wasn't going to STTN until she was 5 if we didn't do some form of CIO... He now thinks differently of course!
I don't know that I have any advice, I nursed Megan to sleep until she weaned at 14.5 months. She would nurse to sleep for naps (or rock to sleep with DH or her nannny). When she woke up at night I always just nursed her back to sleep, or DH would rock her when he took a turn.
Sorry to hear about the sleep deprivation, I hope you get some more sleep soon!
Oh man, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
First of all - LOVE the new siggy - that is absolutely adorable and I can't believe how big she's getting!
FWIW, our last step in the bedtime routine is always nursing. I know that lots of people will say that's not the best thing to do last for lots of reasons, but it worked for us and it is still working. Sometimes she falls asleep nursing, but most of the time she's kinda drowsy and awake. She might fuss for a couple of minutes after I put her in the crib, but then she's out. Of course, DD found her thumb VERY early on - she practically came out sucking it- so when/if she wakes up she soothes herself pretty well.
I don't know that you would want to try to introduce her thumb to her - but does she ever suck her thumb? From your description of your current routine and how you've had to break it w/ an added session lately - it sounds like nursing her is comforting her, so what if you tried putting the nursing session at the end of the routine one night? True, if she nurses to sleep, she might wake up later upset b/c she does not have her pacifier - BUT, she also might just be so full and happy and tired that she won't wake up at all, or at least not so soon.
I am so sorry :-( I think you would really like the book "The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer." I loved her advice...I called it Babywise-Lite. I'm also a fan of Ferber, but Baby Whisperer is a no-cry type of book...which I think you'll benefit from the most. It saddens me that the auther passed away a few years ago. I became somewhat "attached" to her while reading b/c I felt like she "got" me.
She used to suck her thumb, but she seems to have forgotten how or lost interest in it. I attribute her thumb sucking to why she slept so well at 2 months. Maybe now that she doesn't have the paci she'll remember.
I just got her down for a nap after 1.5 hours of doing drowsy but awake. It's so frustrating. I know she was tired, but she just fights it so hard for some reason. Hopefully she'll sleep longer than 30 minutes, but I'm not holding my breath.
Thanks for all the encouraging words. I'm not necessarily opposed to trying Ferber, but I absolutely will not let the hour long screaming happen again. I didn't want to start anything until we'd both read the entire book. I'm barely on Chapter 3, and I know DH wasn't done reading when he decided to test out naptime. I'm curious what the book says because he seems to think that Ferber says it's ok if they scream for an hour. I let her fuss a little, but I don't like to let her get to full out crying and certainly never let her cry to the point that she's screaming. I just don't see how that would help anything, and it breaks my heart to listen to.
In regards to naptime, you should never let them go more than 30 minutes. If they aren't asleep after the 5, 10, 15 (which I changed to us to 3,3,5,7,7) then you get them up. Even if they are still tired (which suuuuucks) you get them up. You let them play (or @ 5 mos) you play with them. If they fall asleep on the floor or in their jumperoo, leave them. The point is for them to fall asleep on their own. But the hour long thing at nap time is a no go.