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Bun thinks it's morbid...

nannyannienannyannie
in 2nd Trimester

But, I want to make baby a scrapbook and include copies of some of the things my mom left behind.

My mom died when I was 13. She'd had breast cancer for most of her adult life. She was in a lot of pain, and eventually it was really better to see her go. But being pregnant without her here has really been tough for me, even though it's been almost a decade since she died. Her first goal, after finding out she was terminal, was to live long enough to see my first baby.

Anyway, I don't have much left from her...a few pictures, some thoughts, and a letter. I want to copy the letter (photocopy, since I want it to be in her handwriting) and put it into a scrapbook, along with some things from my stepmom, my mom's mom, and my dad's mom. Kevin thinks it's morbid, but I really want my baby to know my mom.

What do you think?

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Re: Bun thinks it's morbid...

  • Hello_NicoleHello_Nicole

    That's not morbid at all!  I think you should do it.  If one of my parents were to pass before LO comes, heaven forbid, I would always make sure he knew about them and how much they loved him before they even got to know him and I would tell him what kind of people they were and what they did just so he could know where he came from.

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  • ash.antkowiakash.antkowiak

    I think it's sweet. She was your mom, and I think that would be a nice way to include her in your LO's life since she can't be there. 

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  • BarnesoBarneso

    I don't see anything wrong with this.  I purchased a book for my Mom called "Grandmother's Life Recalled".  It's like a baby-book in that she fills it in with things about her life as a young girl, as an adult, mine as a child, etc.

    I don't see anything morbid about it - I think it's really nice.

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  • CKLee1107CKLee1107

    I'm still trying to wrap my brain around what could possibly be morbid about this.....?

    Its not like you'd be putting pictures of her funeral in there or trying to share her that way...You would be adding memories of her life to share with LO...She is your LO's gma and has a place in that scrapbook as much as any other woman in yours, your dh's and your LO's life.  I think he needs to rethink what his stance is and describe it better.  I can't find any reason that this would be considered morbid...?

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  • nannyannienannyannie

    Kevin tends to take a pretty harsh stance on sentimentality...which is often a good thing, because I am extremely over-sentimental. I think he just thought it was weird to dedicate space in a "baby book" to someone who is not around, that it might be confusing, and that I would be focusing too much on my mom.

    I tend to get depressed/obsessive pretty easily...which is bad. He has seen me in some of these dark places, and I think he's probably honestly trying to keep me from getting weird about my mom not being here. So, morbid might not be the right word, but it's probably the least hurtful thing he could say to me.

    I don't think I would get that way, though, especially since I want to include these other women in the book too. I think LO deserves to know who my inspiration is. I can only hope to be as good a mother.

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  • jessface926jessface926
    SO not morbid. Especially if your mother was looking forward so much to seeing her grandchild. I think that would be a very beautiful thing to do for both your mother and your baby. My grandmother died when i was two, she was my primary care giver up until then, and I wish she were here to share this with me, even though i dont remember her. The point of it all is that a grandmother loves their grandchild, and if they cant physically be there, what better way to show that love then for you to document the memories you have!? i think its a great idea! not morbid in any way.
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  • BarnesoBarneso
    imagenannyannie:

    Kevin tends to take a pretty harsh stance on sentimentality...which is often a good thing, because I am extremely over-sentimental. I think he just thought it was weird to dedicate space in a "baby book" to someone who is not around, that it might be confusing, and that I would be focusing too much on my mom.

    I tend to get depressed/obsessive pretty easily...which is bad. He has seen me in some of these dark places, and I think he's probably honestly trying to keep me from getting weird about my mom not being here. So, morbid might not be the right word, but it's probably the least hurtful thing he could say to me.

    I don't think I would get that way, though, especially since I want to include these other women in the book too. I think LO deserves to know who my inspiration is. I can only hope to be as good a mother.

    Totally get what you mean about the 'dark places.'  Just make sure to do it in a very positive manner, get it how you want it, and then try to move on to including others in the book too, you know?  Probably the best way to go about it.  Hope that doesn't sound harsh.  I just totally get what you mean.

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  • nannyannienannyannie
    imagekimbarnes83:

    Totally get what you mean about the 'dark places.'  Just make sure to do it in a very positive manner, get it how you want it, and then try to move on to including others in the book too, you know?  Probably the best way to go about it.  Hope that doesn't sound harsh.  I just totally get what you mean.

    That isn't harsh at all. I often need to be reminded to "get out of my head" and not obsess over the past. I am much, much, much better about it now...but my mom is one of those places that it is so, so easy to go back to.

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  • BarnesoBarneso
    imagenannyannie:
    imagekimbarnes83:

    Totally get what you mean about the 'dark places.'  Just make sure to do it in a very positive manner, get it how you want it, and then try to move on to including others in the book too, you know?  Probably the best way to go about it.  Hope that doesn't sound harsh.  I just totally get what you mean.

    That isn't harsh at all. I often need to be reminded to "get out of my head" and not obsess over the past. I am much, much, much better about it now...but my mom is one of those places that it is so, so easy to go back to.

    Honestly, I can get to that place very easil when thinking about my Mom passing away and she is still here.  I really don't know how I'll handle it so I try to put it out of my head.

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  • nannyannienannyannie
    imagekimbarnes83:

    Honestly, I can get to that place very easil when thinking about my Mom passing away and she is still here.  I really don't know how I'll handle it so I try to put it out of my head.

    My mom's mom, my "Meep", is almost 70 now. She basically did all my "mom" stuff with me growing up, and the thought of her not being around literally crushes me. I choke up at the thought. Therefore, I cannot think about it. My dad and Kevin both worry a lot that when it happens I will be pretty much inconsolable. And...so do I.

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  • BarnesoBarneso
    imagenannyannie:
    imagekimbarnes83:

    Honestly, I can get to that place very easil when thinking about my Mom passing away and she is still here.  I really don't know how I'll handle it so I try to put it out of my head.

    My mom's mom, my "Meep", is almost 70 now. She basically did all my "mom" stuff with me growing up, and the thought of her not being around literally crushes me. I choke up at the thought. Therefore, I cannot think about it. My dad and Kevin both worry a lot that when it happens I will be pretty much inconsolable. And...so do I.

    Yeah.  Death in the family for either myself or DH is something that I am not looking forward to, on a million levels.

    I'll either fall apart or be irrationally cold about it.  Hard to say.

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  • CKLee1107CKLee1107

    I think I get what he is worried about now, not the morbid but the over focus or shift in focus?  I think one way to 'fix' that would be to set a limit to pages at first.  Say you will do __ pages for each woman to start.  For scrapbooks you can always go back and add later.  This will not only give you a setup plan but something to hold yourself to, a 'grounding point' if you get my meaning of that...  I can get lost easily into various offshoots and tangents and my depression only makes this easier.  I lose focus and it affects things I try to do or think about.  I always have to make these 'grounding points' or focal points to make sure I can accomplish what I actually wanted to do.  These are easiest to set before you start looking at the things that will actually go into said project.

    I think if you have a plan set up on how to do this scrapbook, and not so much a baby book but a book to hand down to baby (IDK if the wording matters to your man but mine gets sidetracked by wording), he might be able to even help you somewhat keep that focus and be more open to the idea?  Maybe even getting his opinions on pictures to include, items, etc to make sure that the 'dark places' that you can slide into, don't hit those pages that are supposed to be happy thoughts for your LO?

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  • nannyannienannyannie
    imageCKLee1107:

    I think I get what he is worried about now, not the morbid but the over focus or shift in focus?  I think one way to 'fix' that would be to set a limit to pages at first.  Say you will do __ pages for each woman to start.  For scrapbooks you can always go back and add later.  This will not only give you a setup plan but something to hold yourself to, a 'grounding point' if you get my meaning of that...  I can get lost easily into various offshoots and tangents and my depression only makes this easier.  I lose focus and it affects things I try to do or think about.  I always have to make these 'grounding points' or focal points to make sure I can accomplish what I actually wanted to do.  These are easiest to set before you start looking at the things that will actually go into said project.

    I think if you have a plan set up on how to do this scrapbook, and not so much a baby book but a book to hand down to baby (IDK if the wording matters to your man but mine gets sidetracked by wording), he might be able to even help you somewhat keep that focus and be more open to the idea?  Maybe even getting his opinions on pictures to include, items, etc to make sure that the 'dark places' that you can slide into, don't hit those pages that are supposed to be happy thoughts for your LO?

     

    Yes. :) I think that's a wonderful idea. And, yeah, wording does bother him. Maybe we will call it a History Book. I want to include all our family history, so that will be nice. :)

    And yeah, depression makes it so easy to shift focus to really not good things. I'm glad other people understand this. It helps.

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  • CKLee1107CKLee1107
    imagenannyannie:

    Yes. :) I think that's a wonderful idea. And, yeah, wording does bother him. Maybe we will call it a History Book. I want to include all our family history, so that will be nice. :)

    And yeah, depression makes it so easy to shift focus to really not good things. I'm glad other people understand this. It helps.

    I'm glad if my idea helped :)  heehee, History Book :) 

    History Book

    Family Album

    (Insert LO name)'s Family Memories  --this one would leave it open for him/her to add to it later...

    Well, I am off to bed...g'night!!

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