MIL in delivery room??????

heather121709 · September 2009

So after reading the PP about MIL's, how do people feel about having their MIL in the delivery room. I really want my mom to be in the room but my BF and I got in a little argument when I told him this and he said that his mom gets to be there also but I said I wasnt really comfortable with that. He thinks its not fair that my mom gets to be in the room and his doesnt because her feelings will be hurt. Im not at all close to her and I would just feel so uncomfortable (even though BF says I shouldnt because she has been there too), when talking to my mom about this she said it was mean of me also not to have his mom there because LO is her grandchild too. So my question is should I let her in the room even though I really dont want to and is it really mean of me to have my mom but not his??

cassyejo · September 2009

Before I decided on anything, I would check your hospital's policy. Mine only allows 2 in the room at a time. My dh would NEVER expect me to choose his mom above mine. It will be me, dh, and my mom. If your hospital is similar, it may nip it in the bud.

bmstee03 · September 2009

No you are not mean, it is your choice. Let bf know that your mom has seen your vagina and his hasn't and you would like to keep it that way.

nlvaden · September 2009

I want my DH, MIL, and mother to be in the room.

heyhay82 · September 2009

That's up to you, but you need to do what makes you feel comfortable. Remember, you'll be in very rare form that day, showing a lot. We've decided that it'll just be H and I in the room, because we've been through so much together already.

heather121709 · September 2009

bmstee03:
Let bf know that your mom has seen your vagina and his hasn't and you would like to keep it that way.

?

HAHAHA so true so true!!!!!!!?

Luciddream328 · September 2009

Put your foot down now! You can always tell her the hospital said you can only have 2 people in the room and that's your DH and mom. Plus, the nurses want you to be comfortable so they'll kick out whoever you want. I totally agree with you! My MIL wants to fly to visit us around me due date so she could be in the room (so what if the baby is 2 weeks late or something right?) and I said NO WAY. I'm just not comfortable with her seeing me spread eagle on a table with all of my business out. This isn't fun time at the park, this is the birth of a child, a major medical event and it isn't a show.

CapitolBaby · September 2009

Do not at ALL feel guilty about not having his mom in there. If he was the one pushing a baby out of his body, he could have more of an opinion. Childbirth is not a "show" - it is a very personal and emotional and painful thing. If you choose to do so, tell him that his mom can be there for laboring, but she needs to be escorted out when it's time to push. Don't give in to him. My SIL gave birth 11 years ago, and is still filled with so much remorse that my MIL was there.

AllieNC · September 2009

Heeelllllllllll no! It will be me, DH, my baby, my midwife and anyone else that the hospital or midwife has to have in there. Luckily my MIL lives 10 hrs away and won't be there in time so I don't even have to deal with that issue. Your vagina, your mom, your decision.

MrsRon · September 2009

I'm on the fence about this. It won't be an issue for this baby because IL's don't have $$ to fly to CA, but after we move back east within reasonable driving distance, I don't know. Does your MIL have any daughters that she can be in the delivery room with? If mine did, she would NEVER be anywhere NEAR when I deliver. However, she doesn't, so I feel like I should at least offer. That said, though, I can hear her telling me to "stop whining" already, and I know I'd hate that. I'd probably go off on her and tell her to shut up or get out, which would be strangely satistfying. It's just so personal, though -- all your business being flaunted out there in front of everybody. And this sounds so juvenile, but especially if you poop! *gag* Like I said. I just don't know.

Mrs.Keith2B · September 2009

I'm not allowing my MIL in the delivery room just because I'm very modest and don't need her seeing every inch of me. I know MIL wouldn't be phased by it since she's a NICU nurse, but it would still make me uncomfortable.

Maybe try telling your SO that it's not about her seeing her grandchild in his/her first moments, but it's about you being comfortable. If you're modest like me, the less people in the room staring "down there" the better!

CapitolBaby · September 2009

Also, tell your BF that if he forces his mom in the delivery room for the birth, you would like for your parents to be there for his next prostate exam. No joke. I told this to my husband and he was silent afterwards.

Jeni182 · September 2009

I would NEVER have my MIL in the room with me. EVER. As it stands now it's just going to be me and DH but I would have my mom in there way over his. This is one of those times where you don't need to be concerned about hurt feelings. You need to have who you feel comfortable having in the room. It's going to be a crazy experiance and you don't need something like that stressing you out. If she gets offended, honestly she'll get over it once she sees the baby.

IlovemyGeek · September 2009

No I prefer to limit the exposure my relatives have to my vag

IrishBrideND · September 2009

Well I personally think its weird to have your mother in there. But I realize some do it.

heather121709 · September 2009

Thank you ladies, I knew you guys would give me an honest opinion and help me to not feel guilty about my decision. Now I just have to figure out how to tell him...

aegrimm · September 2009

I would LOVE to have MIL there...but she lives in California. It will be my sis, DH and my mom.

Luciddream328 · September 2009

I think you should ask him how he would like YOUR parents in the room when he got a prostate exam, like the other poster said!! Of course he's going to say no! That's a great idea!

PurpleK26 · September 2009

Dh feels that if my mom is in there, his should be too, but I'm NOT comfortable with that. I don't even know if I want MY mom in there, but that's more likely than his!

I'd stick to your guns. really. do you really want to be worried about being all exposed to his mom when you're trying to deliver a baby!

galwaybabe · September 2009

OMG NO. NO. NO.

I can't think of anything I want less.

Rave28 · September 2009

When we were trying to figure out who was going to be in there, my aunt gave me some very wise advice.... "If they weren't there when it got put in, they shouldn't be there when it comes out".

luckyangel · September 2009

It's very simple: If you weren't in the room when we made this baby, you do not need to be in the room when he comes out of me. End of story.

epphd · September 2009

I'd solve it by having neither in the room. I agree that I would prefer my mom to DH's mom in the room, but it IS your DH's child too. That said, it will just be me and DH until the baby is born. (and actually for about 2 weeks afterward too).

Michele57O · September 2009

You should do what ever makes you comfortable because it won't be you BF with his legs spread wide open for the whole room to see whats going on down there. Also you probably do need to check with the hospital because normally 2 people is the max in the room. Also would be an easy way to stop the fight by just telling your BF that the hospital won't let anyone else in the room.

jksweets · September 2009

I'd have to agree with almost all the pp's. I would never have MIL in the room with me. I'm still on the fence about my mom, but could not imagine my MIL watching me give birth. We got in a bit of a tif about this the other night when I said that I would want the room cleared when I was nursing. My DH doesn't see the big deal, I clearly do. It's my body and I don't want people staring at me when I'm trying to learn how to nurse.

Mrs.Wifey318 · September 2009

galwaybabe:
OMG NO. NO. NO.

I can't think of anything I want less.

This. Exactly.

ditzydi_2000 · September 2009

cassyejo:
Before I decided on anything, I would check your hospital's policy. Mine only allows 2 in the room at a time. My dh would NEVER expect me to choose his mom above mine. It will be me, dh, and my mom. If your hospital is similar, it may nip it in the bud.

This.

reemarie81 · September 2009

When I had DS1 it was me, DH, my twin sister and my mom. At one point my MIL came in and was talking to someone and then never left. At that point I didn't care who saw me. I was in so much pain and it was kinda nice to have all those ppl helping through it. At one point I flipped out on my DH bc he was rubbing my back right so I had to have my mom do it. There was a lot of ppl but in a way nice. I think your DH has a point but I also think that it should be your choice with of course you, DH and your mom. Good Luck!!!

lifesajourney · September 2009

Rave28:
When we were trying to figure out who was going to be in there, my aunt gave me some very wise advice.... "If they weren't there when it got put in, they shouldn't be there when it comes out".

My aunt said the same thing to me!! I could not agree more. I do not want anyone other than my husband and necessary medical professionals. THAT'S IT!

Jen&Louie · September 2009

heather121709:
He thinks its not fair that my mom gets to be in the room and his doesnt because her feelings will be hurt. Im not at all close to her and I would just feel so uncomfortable...

Not to be crass but...you will be pushing a human being out of your vag and will be spread for the world to see therefore, you get to choose who is there to witness. I don't think anyone other than the father (and medical personnel, of course) is entitled to witness a birth. IMO, fair goes out the window in this situation.

BakerMommy · September 2009

(sneaks in from 3rd tri)

I can't remember who it was, but a friend gave my DH some advice: "You need to remember that this is about her and her mom, not yours. It's a different connection between mothers and daughters than mothers and sons." I thought that was very wise. I love my MIL a ton, but it is a completely different connection than what I have with my mom.

swimrbride · September 2009

Definitely not mean! It is your vagina that kid is coming out of so it is your choice who gets to be in there! Whatever will make you most comfortable, not BF, or your mom, or MIL.

My MIL won't even be at the hospital, they live about 300 miles away and probably won't be able to drop everything when I go into labor, but even if she was close I wouldn't even want her there until after baby is out and I am more comfortable. And my mom will be in the room with DH and I.

Max'smom · September 2009

My honest opionion is that if he wants to lay there exposed to all in the room and push the baby out then he gets to have a say in who is in there. I had a c-section because my son was breech and DH was the only one allowed. Had I delivered vaginally I invited my mom and best friend to be in there. I would never have asked MIL to be there. We are no where close to being that close.

Kanne0729 · September 2009

I would never have my MIL in the delivery room with me. I'm the one giving birth! My husband and my mom will be in there. Honestly, I don't really think my MIL would really care, she could care less about my pregnancy now.

JenGK · September 2009

I'd tell him if he took his pants and drawers off for the delivery, then he could have a say about who is in the room.

blambert98 · September 2009

My dad convinced my mom that it would be a good idea for my grandma (my dad's mom) to be in the room when I was born. My mom regrets it to this day. I'd say because YOU are the one laying there, YOU make the decision!

mdepping · September 2009

Like many of the others, I can't think of anything I would want less than having my MIL in the delivery room. I told my husband about the post and he agrees that his mother should not be in the room. The idea of his mom seeing me naked is not something he is comfortable with.

fisha25 · September 2009

Luciddream328:
Put your foot down now! You can always tell her the hospital said you can only have 2 people in the room and that's your DH and mom. Plus, the nurses want you to be comfortable so they'll kick out whoever you want. I totally agree with you! My MIL wants to fly to visit us around me due date so she could be in the room (so what if the baby is 2 weeks late or something right?) and I said NO WAY. I'm just not comfortable with her seeing me spread eagle on a table with all of my business out. This isn't fun time at the park, this is the birth of a child, a major medical event and it isn't a show.

Yes if your not ok with it he needs to understand. It's hard enough to give birth you don't need people there who your not ok with seeing you like that, it just adds more stress.

Lizzama · September 2009

i agree with one of the PP. you can always opt to let her visit while you are in labor (depending on how that feels) but then kick her out when the real show starts. they have waiting rooms at the hospital for that. i think that's what i might do for my MIL cuz we live in the same town as her. again, it is your decision and the medical staff is on your side. they'll do whatever you want them to do to make your delivery what you hope it will be.

Baybelle · September 2009

Actually my mother really stresses me out so not certain if I want her there; but not sure if she will be anyway because she is planning to travel to another state for my sister's BIL's wedding three days before my EDD! She had the nerve to tell me I'd better hang on till she got back!! I was really mean though (and really regretted it later) when I told her "actually MIL will stay with me the whole time, so I don't need you" - but I was seriously pissed off. I don't think DH will end up being in the room - he freaks out in hospitals and might just pass out!

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