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2nd Trimester
Anyone care to share a little insight?
I have been feeling so left out by my friends lately. I am not sure if it's just hormones, or what. They all seem to be party animals, and at six months pregnant, I just don't see any fun in going to the bars with them. The last time we got together, they kinda made me feel bad for not wanting to go with them to the bar, so now, I am feeling all alone and kinda depressed. Does anybody have any insight? This has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. Do I just give up and try and find new friends? Hope some of what I said makes some sense to you ladies...TIA!
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Re: Anyone care to share a little insight?
Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
I was the first of my group of girlfriends to have a baby - it can be very isolating. It was hard while I was pg and I think the first 6-12 months after I delivered were even harder. But I realized that I needed to make an effort, too. I think, after DS was born, a lot of my friends thought I'd be too busy or wouldn't want to go out or whatever. So I had to make a conscious effort to see what they were up to or make a plan myself.
Obviously, we all know that being pg and having a child will change our lives drastically. But no way would I give up on my friends and I'm glad that they didn't give up on me. I know they all get together more frequently than I am invited to join - but even if they invited me, I know I probably wouldn't be able to go out 95% of the time, so I understand.
I'm sorry they made you feel bad... try talking to them about it or plan something with them that doesn't involve the bars.
I had to do an overhaul on my friends as well. Its a sad truth but it happens to a lot of us. The way I saw it was, they couldnt deal with me pregnant and sacrifice going to a bar every once in a while to do something more mommy to be friendly they were never really my true friend to begin with, so I pretty much just cut them off. I signed up for Meetup.com which has a lot of mommy groups and things like that but I havnt gone to one yet, but it might be nice to try because these are people doing through the same thing you are.
Good luck.
Unfortunately, it does happen. I"m 31 y/o so most of my friends are married, engaged, some have kids, etc.
But friends come and go in life, unfortunately. Some friends will be in different stages of life and will dis-connect themselves. I"m sorry you're going through this. Maybe you could talk to them about it. Even though you can't get out there and party down w/ them, you can still do girly stuff like lunches, shopping, movies, etc.
Also- maybe look at joining a local moms group or something; find some new peeps that you can relate to!
This is why married people gravitate to married people as friend. Parents gravetate to parents as friends.
It doesn't mean you have to ditch them. But I'd consider if they were really "friends" or just drinking buddies. If they're not willing to spend sober out of the bar time with you, chances are they wern't too good of friends in the first place.
I would not suggest finding a whole new set of friends, but maybe some friends who already have kids. You can't except your friends to wanna stay in and watch a movie with you on a Saturday night. I never did when I was single and not pregnant. Try not to take offense to them.
I think making the effort to hang out with your friends goes both ways. I totally know what you mean about friends wanting to go out and then you just feel left out. All my friends are at different stages, but the majority of them still do go out-not a ton, but they do. Anyways, I still see a lot of them, I just try to do other things with them. You have to be willing to make the effort too. I'll go shopping with them, go to dinner, to movies, or even Happy Hour, but just not drink. There are plenty of other things you can suggest doing with your girlfriends that don't involve you drinking. Maybe just suggest something else and see what they say. Good Luck!
The girls that are your good friends will show through during this time for you. So maybe look at it as a positive to ween out the ones who were never really that great anyways.
First off if your friends are around your age, I can see why they only go to bars to have night time fun. Most ppl that young are not aware of all the other activities out there that can include and not include alcohol at the same time and be much fun. Maybe you should try to suggest other night time activities to do. I'm not sure how busy the night life is, in your city but you can look into other activities to suggest to the friends.
Like; movies & dinner theatre: it's a sit down dinner, with drinks, while you watch movies. You can go to the casino, concerts, places like Dave & Busters or bowling, free concerts or events at the city park. All of these ideas are places where you can have fun and not drink and the friends can have fun and still drink.
If your friends are cool with trying something else, then great...if not then they're probably not really your friends. Also, you need to understand that you have different circumstances in your life now so the hang out time with your friends won't be the same. You should have a circle of friends with all different life circumstances or additions, that way you don't feel left out, you just do different things depending on who you are hanging with.