- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
Boyfriend Rant (yep, we're all there)
So...My boyfriend is a douche.
Okay, not normally, but since I've gotten pregnant, he's been such an ***. Our pregnancy wasn't planned, but we've been together for 4 years, and lived together for 2+. So, it's not like we weren't a committed couple prior to pregnancy.
Now, though, it's like the longer I'm pregnant, the less he cares. I'm only 13 weeks! What happens when I'm 28? He regularly does and says things to hurt my feelings, acts like me being sick all the time is no big deal, and basically ignores my pleas for "us time". Basically all he's done for the past month is gripe about me sleeping all the time, ask when lunch is, and play Everquest.
I am so frustrated I could scream! But every time I talk to him about it, he says I'm just being hormonal and need to get over it. (This was his argument pre-pregnancy a lot too. We naturally have a little bit of head-butting, but it has gotten a lot worse since I got pregnant.)
Did any of you guys have this sort of issue with DH or SO when you got pregnant? It's kind of like he is just checked out of our relationship until further notice...and it's making ME want to check out for good.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Boyfriend Rant (yep, we're all there)
This is how Kevin acts all the time. WTF? You are 38 years old...grow the eff up man! I am the one whose "life is over", if anyone's is. My body will never be the same, my career (which is important to me, as opposed to his, which is not) is on hold indefinitely, and I know my beauty sleep is going to take a nosedive as soon as LO is born. I just don't understand why I can't get a little understanding here. After all...it's not like I did this on my own. lol
(Sorry, second rant over)
Give him some time. He is probably scared right now, but he will come around. Our preganacy wasn't planned. After almost seven years people had finally stopped asking us about it. He is super excited now, and he want's to talk to the baby before he talks to me. The change didn't happen until we found out the sex at 22 weeks. It may be a while for your man too. Most of them come around eventually.
It sounds like he's acting like a teenager. I don't think you should have to go through a pregnancy without any support from him. That is just awful.
Just think if he's being like this already...how's he going to be once the baby comes?
I agree that it will, but I sure hope his does as well. You don't need to take care of your LO all alone.
He will hopefully start to come along once you start to grow a bump. Also, make sure he goes to your doctor appointments. There's something about seeing his baby that sometimes changes things. My DH has been great lately, but in the beginning he was kind of disconnected.
Tell your boyfriend how you're feeling, don't whine but just explain to him why you're feeling neglected, etc. Speaking to him may really open his eyes and hopefully he'll turn around.
Strangely, I'm not worried about this at all. Kev didn't have a dad, so to speak, until he was about 8 years old. He remembers not having a dad, and is very sensitive about that. I'm sure that flavors his behavior, as neither of us necessarily wanted children, but because of his honor and the way he grew up, he would never do that to his own child.
And, he just came into the room and asked if we were good...like, if I'd gotten over my huff, kind of thing. When I told him no, he sort of sulked and said he was gonna take a nap then. And now I feel guilty. Lol, ARGH!
This. Is so true! Give it a few more weeks before you take his head off. Right now he is only seeing the adverse affects...once you get more energy and he can start seeing the 'bump' he should start realizing that you are making a baby in there! And hopefully when he gets to witness the u/s & find out gender, he'll go ga-ga! GL.
My DH is the rare, doting type, so I can't relate! But I am shocked that he is treating you this way. I had a friend whose DH was like that and it ticked me off. I don't get some guys!
Maybe you could send him not-so-subtle hints that he is being insensitive - maybe hand him a flier for sensitivity training. Or you could puke in his shoes
I don't think DH really "got" the reality of the pregnancy until I started showing a bit and he heard the baby's heartbeat in the doctor's office. There's no excuse for acting like a dismissive, unsupportive jerk, and you definitely do not have to put up with that, but I can see how it would be harder for male partners to understand what's going on during the first few months. They can't see "evidence" of the baby growing yet and they can't feel what we're feeling.
What helped for us was some quality required-reading time with some good Dad-oriented baby books--although I would avoid the obnoxious books that start chapters with "What She's Complaining About This Week" and crap like that. Also, have you told him in a plain, clear way what you need from him while you're pregnant? No tears or yelling, just "I'm going through a lot right now, and I need for you to do x, y, and z." Men literally aren't even wired to take hints, even if we think the hints are really, screamingly, door-slammingly clear. Poor guys with their tiny underdeveloped limbic cortexes
.
He sounds like a completely immature douche. My DH has never behaved like that at any point during our married/engaged/dating relationship, and I would not tolerate it, personally.