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Ferber question~Advice needed

JessiRayeJessiRaye member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Were you and your H/SO on the same page when it came to sleep training? DH and I clearly are not on the same page. We've been trying the no cry sleep solution (ha ha) and it seemed to work in the beginning, but now we are having so much trouble getting Colin down at night. He's waking every 45 minutes to 2 hours. It's terrible! I would like to try Ferber, but DH is not very supportive. I don't know how to convince him that we need to get our sh!t together and do something now before he ends up like our oldest. (Who was in our bed for almost 4 years!!!)

Also, Colin is getting tooth after tooth without much of a break. He is cutting tooth number 8 right now and I fear that several more are following. We started having sleep issues when the teeth started coming in. SO, should I patiently wait out the teeth and then try Ferber? I know you really shouldn't try anything drastic when they are sick or teething.

I just want him to be a healthy little sleeper but my plans are not working out.

TIA for any advice!

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Re: Ferber question~Advice needed

  • NatPhoto09NatPhoto09 member
    Do you and DH split night time duties?  If you do, then talk about it and come up with a plan.  If you don't then I think you have the final say.  As for teething and sickness, they are always cutting teeth so if you waited until they stopped teething you would never sleep train.  I would give him some motrin and start devising your ferber plan once your LO is past the cranky part of teething and stick w/ it for at least a week.  I'm going to do some sort of sleep training soon but my LO seems to be coming down with something and last night he slept 10.5 hours staight.  i'm hoping that it is not a fluke and he continues. 
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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    Is there some kind of compromise you can make?  When DH and I did sleep training we were both a little wary, but wanted to try something.  We agreed to do it for 6 hours for one night and reassess.  We were believers after that.
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  • busygalbusygal member

    Well, we were both on the same page initially in that we didn't want to make DD CIO.  She has never really been a good sleeper and now that I'm back to work I couldn't just take care of her all night every night anymore so I tried to get DH to help me. He talks a big game but when she starts wailing at 2 am and he conveniently doesn't hear it, well... I had to get assertive.

    We (well, I) also read NCSS and I really liked a lot of things in it, but since I couldn't get DH to read it and understand the ideas he would just do different things willy nilly (like pick her up right away when she was just sqeaking, or alternatively, just pat her in the crib when she was screaming mad).  He didn't want to CIO but he didn't want to take the time to make another approach work either.

    Last night he went out to his band rehearsal so he wasn't home at bedtime and DD was really hollering. I let her CIO (checked her every 5 min). She screamed for 20 min and then fell asleep and slept till 5:30a.

    When he got home I told him what I'd done and he was infuriatingly vanilla about it. Just didn't care either way. WTF? Especially after I've agonized for months about this. So, I guess I just did what I had to do and since he wasn't around he didn't get a vote. Hopefully tonight will be easier.

    So that's my $0.02, GL to you.

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  • JessiRayeJessiRaye member

    We don't split nighttime duties. (I'm nursing and DH has to be up by 5 am most mornings.) BUT, I think the night time nursing sessions are really for comfort instead of actual hunger. And I'm sure my H would be happy to help with any nighttime duties.

    I'm sure we can compromise, it is just really hard for him to hear Colin upset and I think he knows that he will be upset. I've tried to explain to him that of course he'll cry a little.

    I have zero friends IRL who did Ferber and if they did, they aren't telling us about it! Maybe I should buy him a book to read, LOL!

    Also, I'm going to discuss everything with the pedi and I'm sure that will sway my H.

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  • houndbabyhoundbaby member
    We just started ferbering this week. Dh wasn't thrilled with the idea of letting ds cry but agreed to try it because I was at my wits end. (dh works nights so I'm the one who deals with the night wakings) after ds fell asleep in his crib on his own after crying for just a few minutes for the first time dh was on board cause he saw that it works
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  • EcoBabyEcoBaby

    I think its a bad idea to do this while he's getting teeth. He needs your comfort - those things hurt.

    DH and I didn't necessarily agree either - but I won't sleep train, while DH was willing to. Therefore, I tend to do most of the night time duty, which I would be doing anyways because I bf. I told DH that he can put DS in the crib (though no CIO at all), BUT he has to get him to sleep at night, put him in the crib, and then get him out of the crib and bring him to me to nurse, and put him back in the crib after that.

    So, our compromise was that DH didn't want to do all that work, so DS sleeps next to me and I nurse him at night.

    I don't know how your situation would work, though. I just know that if I want my way, I have to do the work.

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  • JessiRayeJessiRaye member
    imageEcoBaby:

    I think its a bad idea to do this while he's getting teeth. He needs your comfort - those things hurt.

    DH and I didn't necessarily agree either - but I won't sleep train, while DH was willing to. Therefore, I tend to do most of the night time duty, which I would be doing anyways because I bf. I told DH that he can put DS in the crib (though no CIO at all), BUT he has to get him to sleep at night, put him in the crib, and then get him out of the crib and bring him to me to nurse, and put him back in the crib after that.

    So, our compromise was that DH didn't want to do all that work, so DS sleeps next to me and I nurse him at night.

    I don't know how your situation would work, though. I just know that if I want my way, I have to do the work.

    I agree...I feel like his mouth is probably killing him. And he's been in the bed with me for the past few nights straight because I was up and down so often.

    I think because I co-slept with Nathan, I'm so hesistant to do it again. We had such a hard time with getting him out of our bed. They are only little once, but it was hard on me and him to break the habit. I think I am just so conflicted!

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  • EcoBabyEcoBaby
    imageJessiRaye:
    imageEcoBaby:

    I think its a bad idea to do this while he's getting teeth. He needs your comfort - those things hurt.

    DH and I didn't necessarily agree either - but I won't sleep train, while DH was willing to. Therefore, I tend to do most of the night time duty, which I would be doing anyways because I bf. I told DH that he can put DS in the crib (though no CIO at all), BUT he has to get him to sleep at night, put him in the crib, and then get him out of the crib and bring him to me to nurse, and put him back in the crib after that.

    So, our compromise was that DH didn't want to do all that work, so DS sleeps next to me and I nurse him at night.

    I don't know how your situation would work, though. I just know that if I want my way, I have to do the work.

    I agree...I feel like his mouth is probably killing him. And he's been in the bed with me for the past few nights straight because I was up and down so often.

    I think because I co-slept with Nathan, I'm so hesistant to do it again. We had such a hard time with getting him out of our bed. They are only little once, but it was hard on me and him to break the habit. I think I am just so conflicted!

    I hear ya - I'm living in ignorant bliss with my first right now ;)

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