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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
The things people say
Earlier today we found out that I have a blighted ovum. We are crushed, but doing our best to hang in there. Tomorrow is my birthday and I just want to crawl under a rock until it is over!! I go from crazy crying to being very calm and content. It is a crazy see-saw! I knew from stalking this board that people were going to say stupid things to us. My husband and I talked before calling/emailing people to untell them. I warned him that we are going to hear some crazy things and to try and keep in mind that people generally have the best of intentions. We are the type of people to try and find humor in everything. We started keeping a list of the unbelievable stuff people tell us. We have already added several things to the list.
1. One person said "I am praying for you and your fetus" I appreciate it but the wording shocked me!
2. My friends husband said "well that means you get to have lots of sex again" ummm, yeah....thats top of the list right now! I know he was trying to make us smile and laugh, but can we say TOO SOON!
3. Of course we have gotten the "at least you can get pregnant" and "It was for the best because something must have been really wrong' We do take comfort in that but can we mourn this baby first?
People in general are idiots! What crazy things have you been told?
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Re: The things people say
4 losses (cp Feb 28 09, mc April 9 09 (5w5d), mc Aug 10 09 (7w1d), d&c Apr 12 10 (grew to 6w3d, mc confirmed at 8w5d). RX: Overies PCOS (hormones normal) & Balanced Translocation of Ch. 7 & 13 (40-50% mc risk)
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My BFF, who has had a miscarriage, has told me that 1. It is for the best 2. There must have been something wrong with the baby and 3. I am better off having no baby than having a sick baby. She means well so I do not get mad at her but I finally told her that I do not want to hear that stuff anymore because it does not make me feel better. She apologized and said she was just trying to make me feel better. On the other hand, no one else says a word about it. So I'm not sure which one is worse.
I also had a blighted ovum. You will go through a lot of up and downs. If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me. Good luck!
The worst I have gotten is: " well, you can always have another baby."
I don't want another baby! I want Haleigh. No other baby is going to replace her for God's sake!!!! Don't get me wrong- I want "another" baby and we will ttc as soon as we can. I just can't imagine how anyone can think that having another baby will replace a lost child. WTF!
Sometimes I hate people....
That is terrible Roxy. People can be stupid/thoughtless/morons sometimes.
Wow! I don't think I could have contained myself on that one! I get the whole respect your elders thing... but FGS!
Perhaps she would like to hear: Well, actually... you are not my aunt you are my mom's/dad's sibling...
I am so sorry you had to listen to that. That is terrible...
Ugh, the stupid insurance company I have had me on some pregnancy list thing to call me to check on me, when I mc'd, I asked politely to be off the list, please. They called me a couple weeks later. Less politely, I told them get me off that list. A few more weeks later, guess who calls to remind me I am 7 wonderful months pregnant? You guessed. I told them, bluntly, Get me off the list now. They called again a month ago. I told them if they call me again, I will sue or something, I can't take that kind of thing!
My stupid OB kept referring to my m/c at 12.5 weeks as a spontaneous abortion instead of a miscarriage.... and it was horrible.