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Attachment Parenting
Do you ever get overwhelmed by APing? Be honest!
Maybe it's a multiples thing, or maybe AP moms of singleton can feel the same way, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed by trying to AP. Just getting both babies fed, changed, burped and entertained all day and night takes all I got ... and that's without wondering if I hold or touch them enough or how I get them to like being worn. And when I get so overwhelmed by trying to promote attachment all day long, I feel I almost get more detached ... because I desperately need a break by the end of the day. Am I the only one feeling this way?
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Re: Do you ever get overwhelmed by APing? Be honest!
I think that's just part of being a mom. I don't worry about being attached enough all day, and by the end I'm still done. Yesterday as I was waiting for DH to get home all I wanted to do was check out. I just wanted to stare mindlessly at a computer and ignore the world around me with a good beer in hand.
We all need a little down time where we can turn off our mom minds and not have anybody touching us...it doesn't mean you're a bad AP mom or even a bad mom...you're human!!!!
Now go find an hour (at least) to yourself this weekend...and enjoy it, guilt free!
Joaquin's hospital and Isela's birth center med & intervention free "hypnobabies" birth stories
Parenting period is overwhelming at times.
I honestly thought AP made things *easier* for me. It was the path of least resistance, KWIM? If I would have insisted on 'not spoiling her' and forcing her into a bouncy seat with a bottle propped up in her mouth it would have been pandemonium. If I would have made her sleep in a crib in her own room rather than bedsharing and cosleeping? Mayhem. There wouldn't have been a moment's peace. DD was born to be AP'd. Loved nursing even though I produced only 40% of her milk at best. She always refused bottles. So I used a SNS. (Ended up being easier after getting through the learning curve!)
Even if we hadn't been inclined to such a style of parenting, we would have had to fall into it. It's just how we kept the peace in our house.
Twins might be another story, though? I'm not sure. Try not to over think it, regardless. Be gracious with yourself. Let it be intuitive. There are many ups and downs. Enjoy the ups, know the downs won't last forever. And of course those babies are attached to you! You are their sun, moon, and stars.
Just wait till they start talking and can express their appreciation. It's the best thing in the world.
You're doing a *great* job. I've been following your blog for ages. (So that means I know *everything*. lol.
But seriously, I do believe this. Be gentle with yourself.
ETA.. and yeah.. Take breaks! Even if it's just an hour in a coffee shop down the street with a book. I was stressed to the gills last week and DH took one look at me when he got home -- he reached in his pocket and grabbed 5 bucks, shoved it in my hand and said "Go to Blenz. Take your book. Don't come back for at least an hour." So I enjoyed a iced chocolate and Jamie Fraser for 90 blissful minutes. I was a new woman when I got home. I felt like I'd been to Hawaii for a week.
I get overwhelmed by being a mom (my husband was just gone for a three day business trip and it was pretty tough). I also make decisions based on what works best for my family without too much thought on whether it's AP or not. Like Morocco, my baby was born to be an AP baby - he hates the stroller, hates sleeping alone, hates the bouncer/swing, etc. However, my first was not this way so she was accommodated too. I also have my limitations and have to take breaks and try new things.
Sometimes I think the AP term is too limiting. I prefer to think of my style of parenting as "not-necessarily mainstream" parenting. I do what works for my kids/family regardless of how traditional or non-traditional it is. I think pretty much everyone on the AP board will support you doing what works best for you. Give yourself a break - you've made it to 4 months with twins! I'm barely getting through the first 6 weeks with one!
I feel this way too -- I'm maybe an accidental APer. It's what made life easier. But parenting is totally overwhelming sometimes!
Edited to add -- don't feel like you have to babywear all the time or whatever else doesn't work right then. AP is much more about being aware of and responding to your children's needs, whatever that means.
You have twins? You are awesome. I would have left one at the hospital.
You rock. I wouldn't worry about any of that stuff too long. I just don't worry anymore. I do what feels right and that meant a swing, or a bumbo at times.
Currently it's treehouse on demand. You cant be attached 24/7. That's crazy.
Don't worry about following a set of rules, or being kicked out of the club. Most AP is just what comes naturally to some families... trying to keep up with the AP Joneses probably is overwhelming.
I do feel overwhelmed when my kids make AP prohibitive!! I cosleep with the twins, but since DS came home from NICU, he literally chases (scoots)DD wantiing to snuggle but she wants her space- LOL! So she's in the crib at the beginning of the night! I always pick up my babies and toddler when they cry, but sometimes the babies, the toddler, the cats and the doorbell are all demanding me and tgen the phone rings. Every day at DD#1s nap and sometimes bed time, I have to put the twins in their room, close the door and let them cry while I put #1 down. Every time I go to get them I want to vomit seeing how worked up they are, but DD#1 is so good with the babies not jealous, so I promised myself I wouldn't let anything change her nap and bed time routine so she didn't feel cheated by them.
I agree APing makes parenting easier. My toddler has been through so much change- We had never been apart, but then I was away for days to have the babies. Came home with one. I was back and forth to the hospital 4-5times a day to see DS. 8 days later came home one day with 2 babies! 2 days later we moved. And she was happy and and curious and loves the babies. I believe it's b/c ofAP. SHe was a confident, attached and independent 19 month old. B/C of BW, she was always in my face so I always talked to her, not at her with her back to me in a stroller- and for that, I believe she learned to talk early. ANd b/c of that, she can communicate her wants and needs- I think if it weren't for that we'd be in trouble!
Anyway, forgive the novel. AP IS harder with twins than it is with one- I know that from experience. But relax, and trust your mommy instincts to know how to meet your babies' needs and you will be APing.
I can imagine you're overwhelmed, no matter what style of parenting you choose - unless you choose to be a completely hands-off parent. That's the great thing about AP IMO, though - pick and choose what's right for you and your family: Evaluate the situation every few months. If they really hate being worn after a few weeks of trying, using various carriers, etc., then don't do it.
Do they even like being held? Often I just carried DD with my hands, no sling or other store-bought carrier. The sling is very convenient for me as well, but sometimes a stroller is more convenient (mall trips), and DD is just as happy in that.
I found BFing to be less stressful than bottlefeeding b/c there was no prep or clean up, and I didn't have to get out of bed in the middle of the night once we started co-sleeping.
I often wonder if I'm spending enough quality time with DD, but at the same time know that she needs to "entertain herself" and make her own discoveries, while I take a mini-break, though I can't wait for DH to come home so I can take a longer one.
The hardest part was when DD was going through seperation anxiety. I just kept reminding myself that the time I was putting in then would pay off in the long run. I'll let you know after her first day at kindergarten.
This. Also, I see that your babies were 30-week preemies. I'm assuming that this may have been a stressful and somewhat traumatic experience, especially if your little ones spent time in the NICU.
Caring for two babies who were born early has got to be exponentially harder than caring for one baby who was born at term. Have you visited the Multiples or Preemies board for support? Those moms would definitely be able to offer you some great feedback. I know you're doing a fabulous job with your babies. There's a lot of pressure to be perfect but that's almost impossible to do with two children. I understand feeling completely baked by the day's end - it's super hard! I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks so much for your support, ladies. And yes, even though these are my first children and I don't have anything to compare it to, from what I see in my friends caring for TWO preemies is a lot of work. It was pretty intense, the first 8 weeks at home we had someone awake with them around the clock because they had issues with choking in their sleep, etc. Plus, I had a really hard pregnancy (13 weeks on bedrest, 10 in the hospital) ... and I think that together with the NICU experience wears on you.
I have to give myself more credit, I'm so happy, for example, that I'm able to BF both of my preemies. And some days, just getting through the day is success!
Bless you and your twins! I was there 13 years ago. Now that I have only one baby, I can tell you that taking care of twin babies is so much harder than taking care of a singleton. I had no idea how awesome my twins were (and easy) until I had DD. She is more demanding, and I think I would have died if my twins had been like that. It turns out they were two of the easiest babies on the planet, and I didn't even know it just because there were two of them.
Remember that whatever you do, you're an awesome parents, and your babies are lucky to have you.