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Stay at Home Moms
mandymack
member
The SAH Survival Guide - Chapter 6 Discussion
mandymack
member
Hi everyone!
For those interested in joining us for our weekly, chapter discussion, get yourself a copy of The Stay at Home Survival Guide by Melissa Stanton, read up to Chapter 6 and join us this week, in this discussion, or read up through Chapter 7 and join us in next week's discussion! EVERYONE is welcome, we'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, and relateable personal experiences.
Please
use the "quote" function when replying to questions from others so everyone can see who and what
you are replying to for less confusion and easier discussion. 
Chapter 6 Discussion Questions:
This chapter is focused around the traditional and not-so traditional American family in 2009 and how the role of a SAH can differ exponentially from one family to another. It discusses the perception gap between the SAH spouse and the employed spouse and the roles each is expected to play in their family. Lastly, it touches a bit on how their seems to be a defense reaction in SAHMs when asked; "What do you do?".
What do YOU say when asked; "What do you do"?
In your opinion, what part(s) of your marriage make you a Traditional American Family or not?
What does your DH do, domestically-speaking, besides providing financially for your family?
How did you come to be a SAHM and how does your DH view you being a SAHM?
Bonus: please post a question to the group and/or offer up a quote that you found interesting and your feelings about it.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The SAH Survival Guide - Chapter 6 Discussion
What do YOU say when asked; "What do you do"?
I very proudly, with a huge smile on my face, say; "I'm so fortunate to be able to stay-at-home full-time with my daughter".
In your opinion, what part(s) of your marriage make you a Traditional American Family or not?
I think our roles make us fairly traditional in that DH is the breadwinner, cares for the lawn & takes out the garbage and in that I am a Homemaker/SAHM who does most of the domestic stuff and has a hot meal waiting for him every single night of the week. However, I manage our entire household from the bills to our vacations, we have a Housekeeper and DH does so much around the house to help me, like all our laundry, and I know these things make us fairly non-traditional.
What does your DH do, domestically-speaking, besides providing financially for your family?
All our laundry, vacuuming/cleaning our furniture & rugs, dusting, cleaning the windows, all our lawn care, taking out the garbage, cleaning up after every meal (washing & putting away the dishes, wiping down the counters, storing the leftovers, etc.), unloading the dishwasher every morning and making his lunch and I've even caught him cleaning the toilet a time or two.
How did you come to be a SAHM and how does your DH view you being a SAHM?
After talking to DH about me wanting to leave my job back in December 2005, I found out I was pregnant so, I stuck it out until February 2006 to not leave my company in the middle of an audit and so I could get my paid maternity leave. Because he could support us both easily, we agreed I wouldn't look for another job, I'd just SAH until Emily was born. I've been a SAHM ever since and DH wouldn't have it any other way. He sees how happy I am now, compared to when we were both working full-time and has only ever said he just wants me to be happy!
Bonus: please post a question to the group and/or offer up a quote that you found interesting and your feelings about it.
The quote from one husband to his wife who was disgruntled about being a SAHM with zero help from him was; "If you don't like it, go back to work". I found this to be incredibly insensitive, superior, obnoxious and, while an obvious solution to her issues, not the way a supportive spouse should reply.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
What do YOU say when asked; "What do you do"? I always say that I am a stay at home mom. Sometimes I add that I was a mortgage underwriter.
In your opinion, what part(s) of your marriage make you a Traditional American Family or not? I guess the part where I'm staying at home.
What does your DH do, domestically-speaking, besides providing financially for your family? He helps out by running errands with me on the weekend, picking up at night after the kids go to bed, and cooking dinner on nights he is not working. He never has expected me to take care of the house alone because I'm not working a job outside the home.
How did you come to be a SAHM and how does your DH view you being a SAHM? We decided I would SAH when I was pregnant with DD #1. We had to sell our newly built house to do it and managed that just in time so I didn't have to go back. I think DH likes that I'm home with the girls and is glad it doesn't have to be him.
Bonus: please post a question to the group and/or offer up a quote that you found interesting and your feelings about it.
My question is: For those with more than one child have you found that your responsibilities at home have changed as you have added to the family?
My answer: I did more with only one child because I had more time. Now there are days when one of them or both does not nap at all. DH has always been great about pitching in and I do my best to at least have the house tidied up by the time he is about to come home. I'm sure when we have our third in January I'll rely on him even more and I know he will step to the plate as he always has.
What do YOU say when asked; "What do you do"?
I tell people that I'm a SAHM, and I've been fortunate enough to receive only positive replies to this answer, as well as some people saying they wish they, or their wife, could have been one as well. I, too, would love to answer "domestic goddess," but I'd be lying. I answered "personal consultant" one time, as I feel that I'm molding a person, and when the person dug deeper she was still impressed with my job.
In your opinion, what part(s) of your marriage make you a Traditional American Family or not?
I stay home while hubby goes off to earn a salary, I do most of the housework, and, as it turns out, bill paying, unlike my grandparents where my grandmother didn't so much as balance a check book, forget actually paying a bill.
What does your DH do, domestically-speaking, besides providing financially for your family?
He helps with the cleaning when I need him too, and does most of the cooking (I might make salads or heat up something, but that's about it.) We also do 99% of our grocery shopping together. And of course, he helps care for and play with DD. Oh, and he's great about doing the gift shopping - yes, my DH actually buys the majority of presents for friends & family!
How did you come to be a SAHM and how does your DH view you being a SAHM?
I was laid off a week into my maternity leave, and DH thinks it's wonderful that I'm able to stay with DD.
Chapter 6 Discussion Questions
What do YOU say when asked; "What do you do"?
I usually stay "right now I'm staying at home to raise my daughter, but I used to work in communications and public relations."
In your opinion, what part(s) of your marriage make you a Traditional American Family or not?
DH and I are not particularly traditional people. Even though he's working and I'm staying at home, we don't feel like we're doing it to be "traditional." We just would be exhausted if we both tried to work and take care of DD. We spend very little money, and have low debt, so staying at home was possible, and DH liked his job better than I liked mine.
What does your DH do, domestically-speaking, besides providing financially for your family?
He's DD's primary caretaker when he's home. He'll get up with her in the middle of the night, change diapers, feed and clean up after her, and do all the things with her that I normally do during the day. I use this time to clean, do laundry, etc., which kind of feels like a break to me. I don't expect him to do anything else around the house except take out the trash and recycle, and not be too much of a slob.
How did you come to be a SAHM and how does your DH view you being a SAHM?
We decided way before we had DD that one of us would always stay at home. DH was really loving his job, and made slightly more than I did, and I wanted to try writing, so it felt right that I stay home. Five years from now, we may switch places.