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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
2nd Tri FFC inspired non-clicky poll
Okay, so I was reading the FFC on the 2nd tri and one person said that they do not plan to spoil their child and that having a baby doesn't mean that your whole life has to revolve around the kids and how they won't tolerate bratty behavior..yada yada yada. So a few people did some virtual high fives and ITA's and it got me thinking.
Before you had kids did you think that you would change your whole life and everything would revolve around the child? Or did you think that you and DH would still be numero uno and the kids would just be obedient accesories?
Now that you have kids - what's it like for you? Have you maintained your life pretty much as is or has really everything changed to revolve around the kids?
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Re: 2nd Tri FFC inspired non-clicky poll
I think there are a lot of girls on that board who are going to be awfully surprised at what has happened to their lives this time next year.
No I don't think I deluded myself into thinking that my whole life wouldn't be turned upside down.
I wouldn't say it's vastly different but everything does change. Your priorities change so much.
Well, in some ways our lives are the same. We still have our alone time at night when DS goes to sleep. We maintain our hobbies. In a lot of ways it's very different. One look around my toy infested living room will show you that. We have to work around DS's naptimes, we can't just go out to dinner if we feel like it because it might be too late for him - in most ways I'd say his needs come first.
I think it's laughably naive to claim that you life isn't going to "revolve around the kids" before you have them. Oh well. They'll learn, or they won't. Until then we can snicker at them.
eta: Oh, and I was fully aware that DS would be a priority when he got here.
Before kids I always aspired to keep a good balance between DH and I's prior lives and our new family. I never thought for a second though that it would be considered spoiling a child to put them first and foremost.
Now that they are here. They are definitely the center of my life and my relationship with DH is somewhat secondary. And we are VERY lucky. My parents live minutes away and babysit for us overnight 1-2 times a month so that DH and I can have alone time together. But day to day life is 100% kid driven.
I saw that too and left it alone. I was honestly in between. I knew kids would change our lives, but I also knew that I didn't want "our" lives to totally end. For the most part, it has worked like this. We still go out to eat frequently (with ds), we still go out with our friends individually, we still have couple time alone (thank God for relatives we trust), but we love being a family and do a bunch of family things as well. When this baby arrives, I'm sure many of our couple things will be lessened again, but I hope we keep a good balance - focusing mainly on family time and the kids, but also not forgetting ourselves as people and a couple.
ETA: Day to day Michael's needs come before our own and I think this is how it should be. I don't understand parents who think this is *spoiling* kids - to put them before yourself.
any new additionto an existing family is going to cause changes whether it be a child or a pet or just an addition to a house. Children need to be the priority for while becuase they don;t understand patience and waiting their turn until they reach a certain age. We are teaching DS now that he has to wit sometimes for things, but they are little things like a snack or being picked up. You can;t expect everything to be exactly the same after having a child. That is a set up for failure right there. As for MH and I we are now starting ot get back to some of the same schedule we had before DS. If we need to go out then he can nap in the car or the stroller.
Your siggy pic is hysterical. Seriously. I'm dying laughing over here!!
My life revolves around my daughter. Everything I do, is for her. We plan to have another child, and they will be our whole world too. Now I miss her.
We do not go out and spend money like we did before. We stay home a lot more.
I think that it is just as stupid of any woman to proclaim how she will parent when she has yet to have a child as it is for me to proclaim how I will parent a teen when I only have a toddler.
It is very easy to point fingers and judge and say "I'd never do ..." when you have yet to experience that stage of life.
If you start making parenting decisions before you're even a parent, then you are in for a rude awakening. You cannot plan everything. That is lesson number one of parenting.
But, uh, no. I never planned on having obedient "accessories." lol
We knew going in that our life was going to change. The first couple of months were really hard. I was lucky to have my mom and aunt helping us along the way. But we are very close with our families, and things didn't change all that much since having DD. We spend even more time with them now, and we love it. Our families and friends love kids, and we do a lot of stuff and always tote DD along. All of our friends have kids, so we love being able to get them all together every once in a while. We also have our alone time with just DH and I, and we always have someone that can watch DD.
Yeah, I think that was kinda my question. I can't remember very well if I thought things would be different. I know I said things that looking back were ridiculous. Like, I'll never let my house look like a day care, and no toys in the living room. Or, the kid will eat what I eat. Yeah right. I wasn't able to make good on any of it.
Well, the relationship between DH and I is always #1. We think that the best gift we can give Judah is keeping our marriage solid, but in no way is Judah an "obedient accessory". He completes our family.
We always wanted to have a balance, and I think we've achieved that for the most part. We spend time with friends as a family or individually, do lots of things just the 3 of us, and DH and I both maintain our friendships/interests/etc,. It isn't always about quantity, but quality. After 9pm is our time and we put it to good use! It just takes a little more planning, but we make it work. Judah's needs are always #1 and sure we forego some things, but it usually isn't very difficult to make room for the stuff that's important to mommy and daddy as well.
Completely agree with this, I wish I could say that I have put in the effort here. I haven't, my DH and I's relationship has taken a back seat. I need to change that somehow.
Oh, I knew that I was changing my life around completely! I find it not only naive to think otherwise, but an unfair mindset to the children they are reproducing. Babies are selfish by necessity, it's a survival instinct.
I don't change my single identity when I become a mother, but rather it becomes another of my identities. It's just that I place it at the top of my list now. I am a mother, a wife, an aunt, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a knitter, a sewer, a baker, a cook, etc.
I agree (although I don't look at that board much). I just agree b/c having DS changed our lives waaaay more than I ever expected. I had been around babies my whole life and never, ever expected it would be like what it turned out to be. Don't take that the wrong way- I love DS and I am sooo glad he is in our lives...it was just a lot harder than expected.
Everything in this house revolves around DS' schedule. We try not to go anywhere during naptime. Last weekend we were not home for DS' PM nap 2 days in a row (he slept a whole 1/2 hr in the car both days) and that really threw him off (waking too early, having trouble going down for his PM nap when we were home the next day).
Those who never had children have a lot to learn!
Every.single.night while I was pregnant (or so it seemed) I dreamt of people from all walks of my life so far. I truly believe that I was mentally prepping myself for the changes to come. My outlook was that once DD was here, there was no turning back. Everything was going to change.
My outlook on many things did change as I've been a mom... for example, I've yet to find an "off" button or switch for tantrums!
Motherhood is one of those things you will only truly understand through experience. Unfortunately, many of those ladies have yet to experience that, so they have no idea of what is coming.
You know, it's VERY different to parent a baby vs. a toddler or preschooler, too. Babies have a lot more NEEDS, and you can't just say "no, I think I'd prefer you wanted to eat later so DH and I can go to happy hour." And with babies, that's everything - eating, sleep schedule, whatever. It's not the same thing as giving in to every demand for a toy they see in the checkout aisle at the grocery store, you know?
That said, I think DH and I have a fairly good balance, esp. given our lack of babysitters. I think if the grandparents were closer/more involved, we'd do a lot more stuff with just us.
i agree with lori. surprise!
We've tried to maintain the life we had before, but in some ways it's impossible. Our lives revolve around our son because we want it that way - not because we've been forced into some kind of terrible predicament.
But we still have fun in adult ways - go out to dinner, have cocktails, drink too much sometimes, have friends over, etc.
I realized my life was going to completely change. That's why I put off having kids for a long, long time! :P
I really do wish DH and I could travel alone more often (that is, at all). I wish we had more date nights. Once we've bought our house here and get that settled, I want to make more of an effort to spend time alone with him somewhere besides in front of the television. He's what I miss most about our old life.
I knew my life would drastically change.
However, my brother and his wife also have this attitude of not letting a child get in the way of their wants and desires. They did CIO at 6 weeks. No joke! Spanking for rolling over during diaper changes and hand smacks at 8 months old. It's sick.
I still have my things that I do and so does DH. We also have things we do as a couple and other things we do as a family. Our life is pretty good. Balanced.
My life totally revolves around DS, and that's how I wanted it. DH and I would both put DS before each other in a heartbeat if there was some kind of serious conflict.
I'm still surprised at just how much physical space his stuff and toys takes up, though. And one difference is that I didn't want to spoil him with material things, fancy toys, etc. Maybe it's working mom guilt, but I want to buy him pretty much one of everything - like he has a few push toys already, but I keep thinking I should get him a rocking horse, his own chair, or a table & chairs, etc. When I was a kid, I definitely never had things like furniture of my own, so I know logically that none of these are "needs" and I restrain myself. But it's harder than I thought.
My world revolves around my child. As she gets older, that will become less and less true, but right now, she's the star of the show. That doesn't mean I don't make time for my husband or myself, but she's the first consideration in all day-to-day matters.
The way I see it, someday she is going to prefer to spend time with her friends over me. And she will be embarrassed to be seen with me in public. And once she grudgingly starts to accept my presence again, it will be time for her to go away to college. So I need to get my fill of her now while she can still stand me.
During the first few months of her life, it seemed like every time I left the house with her, I had some stranger tell me that they would give anything to have their children little again, that I should enjoy this time because it goes so fast, and that one day I will be saying to someone else, "I would give anything for my children to be little again."
I just don't want to feel like I didn't appreciate what I had at the one time in her life when she will allow me to put her in the center of my world.
Ditto all this. We were grateful for the change of priorities. But we also still get plenty of alone time because DS goes to bed each night at 6:30, so we still have dinner parties and whatnot. We don't go out to eat hardly at all anymore, but that's not such a bad thing. We still get our own "chill" time on the weekends but we just have to schedule it in advance (e.g. DH wants to watch the game so he has to do that while DS naps or something).