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2nd Trimester
Well Excuse Me! *Vent* Long.
I know this is flameworthy. I really have no one else to talk with about this to get their input. So me and my BF haven't talked in about three months. I Broke up with him shortly after we found out that we were expecting. Main reason is because as soon as I told him his response was "I don't want any children. I never planned on ever having kids and I don't like kids." I was completely shocked by this. I was on birth control at the time of conception so baby was a huge suprise. Shortly after breaking up with him I realized that he was on several diffrent dating websites the whole entire time we were dating. He logged on to all of them every day. We were together over a year, but supposedly because he works so much we only saw each other every Sunday. I finally got in touch with him a few days ago and he explained that he fell behind on his bills and the buisness he was trying to start fell through and put him in debt. Ok, So I forgave him for that no big deal. I mentioned that I had picked out a name for the baby and told him I was going to name him Julian Dade, and he asked why. I told him they were very uncommon and I really like it. His response was well we still have a few months to figure out a name.... WHAT?! The whole pregnancy I haven't asked him for a bit of help with food or maternity clothes or even gotten mad at him for missing every doctors appointment and even the ultrasound. Even though I desperatly need the help and support seeing how I was laid off. WDYT Should I let him have an input on naming the baby?
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Re: Well Excuse Me! *Vent* Long.
NO! He had his time in the beginning to be a part of it. If he changes his tune, and decides to become more actively involved in the baby's life, then maybe you can include him in other decisions.
Completely lower your expectations of him so you won't be disappointed when he doesn't live up to them. Expect to be in this alone, and you won't disappoint yourself.
YES! Get a good lawyer-- it will take months to get child support payments. Get started now!
ditto. I'm sorry you are going through this. And I hope he grows up.
I think if you're worried about pushing him away by not letting him have input, then let him give his opinions - it's still up to you what you want to do with them.
It sounds like this is the first he's spoken up, so I'd wait and see if he becomes more involved and if so, how involved. The more involved he is, the more I'd actually consider his input.
I hope he steps up for you.
I feel a lot in common with the PPs. If he doesn't start becoming more involved in the pregnancy, then don't take his opinions to heart or put them to use when making your decisions. If he does, then he gets some say-so, but still not as much as if he was in this with you.
Also, I completely, 100000% agree with getting things in motion now to get child support! Also, have you looked into getting signed up for assistance programs if you qualify (like medicaid, food stamps, WIC)? Those will help alleviate some of the financial issues.
Good luck with it all and keep us posted!
This
Wow.. are you planning on giving the baby his last name?
You have done it alone so far, you'd probably be better off sticking it out and finishing the journey alone. This isn't the first time this has happend to someone, but you have to be a strong woman and take care of whats necessary.
Do you have any family support?
Couple of questions...
He fell behind on bills and his business failed, is that his excuse for not being around or for not financially assisting in the pregnancy?
Who is going to pay for the medical costs associated with delivery?
When you say you finally got in touch with him, what does that mean? You have been trying and trying and he finally got around to getting back to you or you finally tracked him down?
Why on God's Green Earth would be assume he has any right to help name the child and where did this "we have plenty of time for that" come from???
Also, you only saw him on Sundays??? So he is going to be a Sunday Father?
Sorry, you are so much better off without this man in your life. But, if he wants to help out and be a dad, you should give him a shot. I do not however believe you have any obligation to allow him to help in naming the baby. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
That would piss me off a LOT. He can't just be completely absent and unsupportive and then swoop in to make the "fun" decisions when he feels like it. That is not how it works, and if it were me I'd make sure that was very, very clear to him.
I agree with PPs--lawyer up, not just for the child support that you and your baby have a right to, but to make sure that his involvement or uninvolvement is what you're comfortable with.