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Preemies
I know this is said all the time, but...
I am having a hard time with some of my mommy friends regarding DS being premature. I love them to pieces, but when it comes to my DS' development, they just don't get it. I know they are trying to help, but I'm sensitive, and it frustrates me.
DS was born at 34 weeks and spent 2 and 1/2 weeks in the NICU - we were lucky that he was relatively healthy and mostly had to deal with feeding issues, apnea and reflux. However, he's now just about 15 months, and doesn't say any words (except momma and dadda - totally indiscriminately), is mastering crawling, and can't stand by himself, and obviously doesn't walk. He also is very slow with learning to eat tablefoods.
I can't tell if my friends just pity me, or think that it's no big deal and has nothing to with him being premature. Every playdate, he has a hard time interacting with the other kids because he can't walk, and I feel out of the loop with the other moms because my son is so far behind their kids. I know they mean well when they tell me he's not behind, or it's no big deal, or - that it probably has nothing to do with him being early. I just wish they would understand. I think since he didn't spend months in the NICU and is only a little smaller than their kids, they don't consider him a preemie at all. I realize that I'm lucky he stayed in utero as long as he did, and I'm not trying to harp on the fact that he was early, but I find that it is almost always an issue - at least subtley in his everyday activities. It can be frustrating, and I wish I could get them to understand a little better.
Anyone in a similar situation?
Thanks for letting me vent 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I know this is said all the time, but...
Just wanted to add .... I think what pushed me over the edge today, was my friend who said "Isn't it great now that they're like little adults - walking, talking, all over the place! I've bonded so much more!" I wanted to scream that even though her son had been walking for the last 5 months, "My son isn't even close, and isn't like a little adult! He won't even eat tablefood!"
I know I'm very lucky to have him, and that he is healthy, I just feel bad that he gets so left out with the other kids
Boy, I could have written this post! Except, because I work at home & in the office (full-time combined) I haven't had time for play dates. Plus, I don't seek them out because DS doesn't even sit on his own yet. He wouldn't have any fun. I do have friends (who live away from me) with younger babies who do far more than DS does and even though I don't see them on a daily basis, it's hard not to compare them in my mind, especially when they send pictures of sitting, walking, etc.
I have been feeling particularly bad lately. The developmental delays have been getting to me....particularly the feeding difficulty. For cryin' out loud - DS is still only on formula and he's over a year old. It's hard not to cry some days.
I'm not sure what advice to give to you except maybe spend less time with those friends? Fewer play dates?
it's hard. my nephew was born the day before DS's due date and has long surpassed him developmentally. and DS is about twice my nephews size. i think we're taught not to comment on other developmental milestones for other people because every baby develops at their own pace yada yada yada. it's different to have a preemie and actually be taught that you have to pay attention and be watching for this that and the other. it's hard not to constantly compare and not to start every "how old is he" conversation with "well, he was 7 weeks early...".
i guess i don't have much advice, but i get where you're coming from. (((hugs)))
I think it's normal for any mom to be sensitive about their babies development, so being a preemie mom on top of that makes it even more so! I'm so sorry and hopefully you can find some younger kiddos to interact with so your son can get more interaction?