So upset....just changed doctors (Vent)

HeatherPB1020 · September 2009

I am going to attempt to make a LONG story short here.

On Monday I noticed a very, very small amount of brown discharge/spotting on the toilet paper when I wiped. Needless to say I freaked out and spent the day upset. I looked online and read that it was fairly normal to have some spotting in early pregnancy. I called my doctors office Tuesday morning and they moved my first u/s appointment to this morning. DH and I went and were hoping to feel better after we saw the u/s. The u/s went great and we saw the fetal sac and the fetal pole... no heartbeat yet, but I knew that was not going to happen. So far so good... right? Well then the doctor came in to talk to us. I had only met the doctor once in 3 years, he was not my normal doctor. First of all, he acted like he did not believe me when I told him when I O'd. Finally he checked to see when my EDD would be and if the u/s images matched the date I gave him. They did... So I asked if everything looked good as of now. He says yes and then he said the following: "You will most likely spot again, and given that you spotted there is a 50% chance you will have a miscarriage. That being the case when it happens you should just stay home and deal with it." He didn't want me to be aggravated in the ER. Are you kidding me!!! Here we are already freaked out and worried out of our minds he he gives us a play by play about what will happen if we miscarry. He was so cold and had the worst bedside manner. I am still in shock! If everything looked okay today... just say that! He wasn't even going to give us the u/s photo! I am still so upset! Everyone else I have spoken too said that a tiny bit of brown spotting is most likely nothing!

So I got a new doctor today... I just could not deal with that office now! I already feel better after speaking with one of the nurses there!

Sorry this is long and sorry about the spelling!

ktsnshn · September 2009

I am glad you changed Dr.'s. What a jerk! Relax and take care of yourself. Good luck to you!

Emilycon · September 2009

I had a couple of days of light brown spotting when AF would have been. What to expect says that's totally normal and says NOTHING about that being a higher chance of miscarriage! I am mad for you! That is the worst bedside manner I have ever hear! Good for you for switching doctors!

gingerfamily · September 2009

I think I would rather honesty then bedside manner, but that is just me.

I hope everything goes well from here on out and you like the new doctor.

ABColeslaw · September 2009

We had a similar experience, although not quite as bad. We had an u/s at six weeks 1 day and the heart beat was only 104 beats per minute. We thought on well maybe the heart just started beating and we were lucky to hear it that early at all. Then the nurse came in after the ultrasound to explain all about miscarriages and how they are more common than people think and that we should have a consult with a reproductive endo so we can make sure this doesn't happen again. I left there thinking I was def going to have a miscarriage. Anyway, we met with the repro endo and he thought everything looked good on the ultrasound and explained that 104 wasn't that bad considering the date of gestation that we could hear the beat. We had a follow up a week later and the heart rate was up to 154 and the baby looked fine. And all the nurse had to say to us was, it looks like you've had a reassuing ultra sound. Yeah no thanks to you, I wouldn' t have even stressed about it, if you hadn't freaked me out. Instead I spent a whole week thinking that I was going to miscarry no matter what. Sigh.

katieloulovesyou · September 2009

Wow.. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that!

And just to ease your mind a bit: I had some of that same brownish bleeding last week(5.5 weeks), went to the ER and left with the diagnosis of a threatened miscarriage. ?I had hcg levels checked in the ER(ultrasound and levels matched up) and then had them checked again two days later and they had doubled. ? Saw my OB yesterday and got to see the cardiac activity ?

GabbysMama · September 2009

mrsh0606:

I think I would rather honesty then bedside manner, but that is just me.

I hope everything goes well from here on out and you like the new doctor.

I totally don't agree with this. I don't think that is "honesty" because "honestly" I had brown spotting from Week 5-10 with DD and besides the light spotting no other problems. My OB actually told me it was probably from sex and when we stopped so did it. A doctors job is to be "honest" but I would think not being rude would be part of the job.

I guess I just didn't realize you couldn't speak "honestly" with bedside manner.

anabell0920 · September 2009

mrsh0606:
I think I would rather honesty then bedside manner, but that is just me.

I hope everything goes well from here on out and you like the new doctor.

yah me too. I would honestly rather hear what my chances are by the doctor then him telling me I was perfectly fine if I wasn't. I also didn't get the u/s picture from my u/s I got when I was bleeding.

I hope you like your new doctor! hope everything works out!

girlintheworld · September 2009

Ugh, some people are such a-holes. There's a way to speak to someone, ESPECIALLY a pregnant woman, without being cold, abrasive, or rude. It's just plain courtesy. I'm so happy that you switched docs. There's something wonderful about a doctor who can be honest and have a decent bedside manner at the same time.

bryant1091 · September 2009

I'm so glad you changed doctors! What an a$$!

GabbysMama · September 2009

girlintheworld:
Ugh, some people are such a-holes. There's a way to speak to someone, ESPECIALLY a pregnant woman, without being cold, abrasive, or rude. It's just plain courtesy. I'm so happy that you switched docs. There's something wonderful about a doctor who can be honest and have a decent bedside manner at the same time.

I totally agree and am actually annoyed that other people on this board would think that you can't be honest and have a decent bedside manner. I hope if I ever get sick with cancer the doctor doesn't say "look lady your going to die, get over it". I would for sure perfer "your chances are slim but miracles happen everyday and you can fight this". I mean come on people!

gingerfamily · September 2009

GabbysMama:
mrsh0606:

I think I would rather honesty then bedside manner, but that is just me.

I hope everything goes well from here on out and you like the new doctor.

I totally don't agree with this. I don't think that is "honesty" because "honestly" I had brown spotting from Week 5-10 with DD and besides the light spotting no other problems. My OB actually told me it was probably from sex and when we stopped so did it. A doctors job is to be "honest" but I would think not being rude would be part of the job.

I guess I just didn't realize you couldn't speak "honestly" with bedside manner.

That's great. Thanks for your opinion.

I didn't say you couldn't have both. I've had brown, red and pink spotting from week 4 to today. My doctor told me early on that because of the spotting/bleeding I had a higher chance to miscarry and put me on pelvic rest up through last week. I don't need a dr who will coddle me (before anyone jumps on me - I'm not saying any of you said this). I need someone to be honest with me. If I had to choose between the two - I would choose the second.

anabell0920 · September 2009

GabbysMama:
mrsh0606:

I think I would rather honesty then bedside manner, but that is just me.

I hope everything goes well from here on out and you like the new doctor.

I totally don't agree with this. I don't think that is "honesty" because "honestly" I had brown spotting from Week 5-10 with DD and besides the light spotting no other problems. My OB actually told me it was probably from sex and when we stopped so did it. A doctors job is to be "honest" but I would think not being rude would be part of the job.

I guess I just didn't realize you couldn't speak "honestly" with bedside manner.

Well sex may have caused YOUR bleeding but it's not the same for everyone. And if she decides to have a doctor like that how is that wrong? She was in no way bashing or being snarky to the OP. Just saying she wouldn't switch doctors for that. I would much rather have a doctor that is gonna tell me the HONEST truth if he has good bedside manner then AWESOME but if not then oh well.

GabbysMama · September 2009

And you are telling me that a doctor can not be honest in way that isn't just plain rude. I wouldn't want my doctor lying to me but I sure as He!! wouldn't want him to be rude. Really it is so strange that people don't think you can be honest and have a good beside manner at the same time.

anabell0920 · September 2009

GabbysMama:
girlintheworld:
Ugh, some people are such a-holes. There's a way to speak to someone, ESPECIALLY a pregnant woman, without being cold, abrasive, or rude. It's just plain courtesy. I'm so happy that you switched docs. There's something wonderful about a doctor who can be honest and have a decent bedside manner at the same time.

I totally agree and am actually annoyed that other people on this board would think that you can't be honest and have a decent bedside manner. I hope if I ever get sick with cancer the doctor doesn't say "look lady your going to die, get over it". I would for sure perfer "your chances are slim but miracles happen everyday and you can fight this". I mean come on people!

Your ANNOYED because we don't have the same opinion as you? Really?

gingerfamily · September 2009

GabbysMama:

girlintheworld:
Ugh, some people are such a-holes. There's a way to speak to someone, ESPECIALLY a pregnant woman, without being cold, abrasive, or rude. It's just plain courtesy. I'm so happy that you switched docs. There's something wonderful about a doctor who can be honest and have a decent bedside manner at the same time.

I totally agree and am actually annoyed that other people on this board would think that you can't be honest and have a decent bedside manner. I hope if I ever get sick with cancer the doctor doesn't say "look lady your going to die, get over it". I would for sure perfer "your chances are slim but miracles happen everyday and you can fight this". I mean come on people!

Again, nobody said you can't have both. I also don't want a medical professional giving me false hope. Telling me miracles happen every day is false hope, IMHO. You have your way of thinking, I have mine.

meeply · September 2009

I am glad you switched doctors. I had a similar experience, except that I actually miscarried. I started to cry when the u/s confirmed it. The doctor told me that first he understood exactly what I was going through. Really? Alert the press. Second, I shouldn't feel bad at least I didn't spend $1200 on IF like he and his wife. It got worse at my follow up, so I switched back to my previous doctor. I have an 1 hour drive both ways, but at least he knows how to treat a pregnant patient.

I do agree with honesty, but it's not being honest when you are just guessing.

Mrs.M317 · September 2009

What an @ss! I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Make sure you focus on the fact that everything looked good! I'm sending good thoughts your way

gingerfamily · September 2009

Tell me, diid I at all bash the OP for doing what she did? No, I wished her luck and hoped that everything went well for her.

Why is it so hard for you to believe that someone may think differently from you?

GabbysMama · September 2009

I am not ANNOYED because you don't have the same opinion, I am annoyed that there are people that have this opinion. I mean you are seriously telling me that you would rather have a doctor who is honest then a doctor with a good beside manner. I would think most people perfer both and I would think that most doctors have both.

anabell0920 · September 2009

GabbysMama:
And you are telling me that a doctor can not be honest in way that isn't just plain rude. I wouldn't want my doctor lying to me but I sure as He!! wouldn't want him to be rude. Really it is so strange that people don't think you can be honest and have a good beside manner at the same time.

ummm are you actually reading these posts? when did I ever say they couldn't be both? this is what I wrote

"I would much rather have a doctor that is gonna tell me the HONEST truth if he has good bedside manner then AWESOME but if not then oh well."

I will explain again. My first priority is HONESTY if he has bedside manner as well (BOTH) then that is great! but if he is honest and a bit rude then so be it!

anabell0920 · September 2009

GabbysMama:
I am not ANNOYED because you don't have the same opinion, I am annoyed that there are people that have this opinion. I mean you are seriously telling me that you would rather have a doctor who is honest then a doctor with a good beside manner. I would think most people perfer both and I would think that most doctors have both.

Yes That's actually way better.

bobbidall · September 2009

Sounds like he was a jerk! I'm glad you switched!

gingerfamily · September 2009

Yes. There I said it. I woud rather a dr be honest with me than have a good bedside manner. If the have both, great. For the third time - I DID NOT say they can't have both. I said if I had to choose I would prefer the first. Time to get off your high horse b/c someone thinks differently then you.

GabbysMama · September 2009

I don't know about you but when I pick a doctor I don't have a priority list of things I would like them to have. I would just like them to do their job. If you are having issues with your pregnancy it is totally insensitive to say that you are going to bleed again and you have a 50% of miscarriage, deal with it. I think if a doctor says "deal with it" to me EVER I will freak out! No matter what it is. I guess I just think that the OP already being upset would be more then enough reason not to make that comment. I guess we can agree to disagree.

Alexandra*sMom · September 2009

mrsh0606:

I think I would rather honesty then bedside manner, but that is just me.

I hope everything goes well from here on out and you like the new doctor.

Ditto.

Also I am a 2 time m/c-er... both times I passed the baby at home.

Sorry he put the thought in your head. Hope for the best!

anabell0920 · September 2009

GabbysMama:
I don't know about you but when I pick a doctor I don't have a priority list of things I would like them to have. I would just like them to do their job. If you are having issues with your pregnancy it is totally insensitive to say that you are going to bleed again and you have a 50% of miscarriage, deal with it. I think if a doctor says "deal with it" to me EVER I will freak out! No matter what it is. I guess I just think that the OP already being upset would be more then enough reason not to make that comment. I guess we can agree to disagree.

yah your right her bringing up a opposing opinion was way worse then thread jacking and making about you.

GabbysMama · September 2009

I am not trying to make it about me at all. I just feel bad for the original poster. I don't agree with a doctor thats says "deal with it" and I don't agree with a person who thinks a doctor saying "deal with it" is okay. We all have different standards, opinions and personal experience.

HeatherPB1020 · September 2009

Thanks for the good thought ladies... I am doing better. I am just trying to think about how the u/s looked good and I am not spotting or cramping at all!

Alexandra*sMom · September 2009

HeatherPB1020:
Thanks for the good thought ladies... I am doing better. I am just trying to think about how the u/s looked good and I am not spotting or cramping at all!

GREAT news! Good to hear! Now, go rest!

GabbysMama · September 2009

HeatherPB1020:
Thanks for the good thought ladies... I am doing better. I am just trying to think about how the u/s looked good and I am not spotting or cramping at all!

Glad you aren't spotting or craming anymore. I am sure you will be fine just relax and try not to be too stressed. Good luck!

Want a personalized experience?

So upset....just changed doctors (Vent)

Re: So upset....just changed doctors (Vent)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards