did you and dh seek couseling to deal with things?

New Wife · September 2009

to say this is the biggest hurdle of our marriage is an understatement. did anyone seek any sort of counceling to deal with things? we have hit a couple of really hard bumps and i think it might be good to talk to someone about it either seperatly or together. we can get free counceling on base which helps!

pmkmp · September 2009

Right from the start we said we were going to, but honestly there was never time between NICU visits and trying to keep up with work. Then when we got her home, one of us was always with her or working, etc. The whole situation actually made us closer for quite awhile, but lately we seem withdrawn from each other. I think some sort of counseling is needed to get out the emotions we've locked up over the past year.

ShanaNChris · September 2009

I was seeing a therapist at Lily's bedside once a week, she definitely encouraged DH to be there. I don't think he was really big on it for himself, but wanted to support me so he came. We continued to see her until April of this year. I found it very helpful.

Between the two of us, the only real "struggle" was that I felt like "Why is he not breaking down about this?" "what is wrong with me, that I am?"

What I have come to learn is that the birth of our child was a totally different experience for both of us.

While I had feelings of guilt, and felt like everything was my fault, I was happy about Lily being born, but felt horrible that her traumatic beginning was because of my failure. I also grieved about missing the end of my pregnancy and all the things I had looked forward to. I was also sad that I didn't get to see her being born and didn't get to see her for another 24 hours while I was in ICU, I didn't think it was fair that

My DH felt relief, joy and happiness. Relief that I was off of bedrest and we had made it 3 more weeks than they expected. Joy that he got to see his sweet baby girl right after she was born and happiness that he was a new dad, even if it was a little earlier than we had expected.

It took me awhile to figure out why he wasn't having a breakdown and was having a total opposite reacation to everything. He also was trying to hold things together at home and with his job.

I am still waiting for him to have a breakdown, but realize he probably never will.

ShanaNChris · September 2009

It helped tremendously to bring us closer together and understand eachother better.

TriciaJoy · September 2009

we didn't, but we talked about it a few times. The trouble for us was no babysitter.

Mrs. Destructo · September 2009

We haven't, but I think it is a really fabulous idea. Like Tricia, we've talked about going to a counselor, but we wouldn't be able to get a babysitter to watch our kids while we go so we haven't done it.

franciscaz · September 2009

Yes we are making the time when the twins get to be 3 mos. There is a group that provides this service and will do babysitting as well. I really feel like we have been through a lot and we need to get these feelings out and make sure we heal for the sake of EVERYONE.

lstaylor73 · September 2009

Do it!! For you especially, you as the mother have had to deal with things in a way your DH can not possibly experience. Especially if it is free.

I did it recently and I wish I had done it much sooner.

mek10976 · September 2009

We didn't, but the first 4-5 months were a total rollercoaster. If you both agree to seeking professional help, then I would do it.

SBMBride406 · September 2009

We went for a couple of months. It was important b/c, although it was a shared experience, we experienced it in different ways. I felt like my DH just wanted to therapist to "fix me" and she helped him understand that the way I was feeling about things was healthy and normal.

jennifer griveas · September 2009

We didn't but I think I may go for individual counseling to deal with the anxiety and fear over bad things happening. DH and I went through a real rough patch while we were still in the NICU -- he just didn't want to be there and I couldn't understand it. He just so badly wanted him home he couldn't stand the NICU, whereas I started to feel like the NICU was home. We worked through it, and things are much better now, but I think counseling would have been helpful then. I think if you have the opportunity for free counseling, it would be great. If nothing else, having the perspective of a third party can make both you and DH look at things in ways you may not have before, and that can be so helpful.

AviatorJJ · September 2009

it was more for me than it was for us. we have a unique situation though, my husband broke his back the day before R was born. so we not only had a baby in the hospital but he was in bad shape too. im so glad we got to talk to someone, she was a huge help! and we brought R with us to each session when he came home from the hospital. not having a babysitter was not going to stand in the way of the help we needed.

Mrs. Peterson 07/07/07 · September 2009

I did after Eli was about 3 months old. DH was just thankful that Eli was doing well now... I was not doing well and feeling a great amount of guilt. It really helped me deal with the trauma of my delivery and the NICU experience.

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