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Parenting after a Loss
I'm sorry guys, I wasn't clear
When I let M cry for 40 minutes, it wasn't in the room by herself. I was sitting there rubbing her back and trying different things for her. I'm not anti-cio/ferber if it works. So far any variation we have tried of it hasn't work in our house.
Last night she woke up a few more times, but it was hours in between instead of every hour. When I'm frustrated, I don't go in because I don't want her to feel that frustration.
I'm sure she's uncomfy and I'm sure there's nothing more I can do other than ride it out. LOL Especially since I know she can sttn and did it the other night. UGH!
Wish me luck.
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Re: I'm sorry guys, I wasn't clear
For DD, rubbing her back only makes things worse. We either have to rock her or not go in at all. I think it really makes her mad if we're standing there "messing with her".
I feel anxious just reading your posts! I sooo have been there and know that awful, desperate, helpless, frustrated beyond frustration feeling.
It's been rough in this house. Especially since I know she can sttn and does. Those nights are just few & far between. LOL
When we see her pedi next time I'm going to ask about a few things I've been thinking about. Maybe her reflux has made a return.
Maybe it's because she's really hungry at night. IMO she doesn't take in enough solid calories & I've been spacing her nursings more in an attempt to make her more hungry for them.
Maybe her temp swings wildly at night. She goes down & she's warm and then when she wakes up her skin is cold.
Maybe she really is teething & nothing is making a dent. I know her gums are red & swollen. I'm gonna ask what I can give her that will work. SO far we've tried humphrey's, lidcaine, tylenol, motrin, oragel.
We've tried cutting a nap, making her exercise (walk) more, letting her get so exhausted that she begs to go to sleep. LOL
Ditto this. I think being in there probably makes it worse - it definitely did for my son. We actually found we couldn't do the "check-ins" like the book recommended because it worked him up more and made it worse. We just had to let him go. 2 nights...first night 40 min, 2nd night 25 minutes and he has been STTN ever since.
I am going to be brutally honest and if I am wrong, so be it and if people don't like it, so be it. I don't think the reason she doesn't sleep well is because she's uncomfy. You've tried tylenol, changed mattresses and blankets and everything else. I think she is in horrible sleep habits and is just used to waking up. Sometimes you let her cry, sometimes you rush in and breastfeed her or rock her...it's confusing. She doesn't know what to expect and she cries a long time because she knows eventually you come for her. The fact that she will occasionally STTN is not evidence that the nights she doesn't, means something is wrong...if anything it would be reinforcement for you that she is ready to do it on a consistent basis (she doesn't need to eat, she doesn't need you in the middle of the night).
IMO (and its IMO - you are her mother, I would never suggest that my judgment should replace yours) you are not going to see any consistent improvement until you make a decision to stick to one approach for at least 1-2 weeks and I think some version of CIO will probably work best.
I wouldn't take offense. That is probably the next step for us. I know when m is left to cry by herself, it's much worse for her & she makes herself throw up.
Hopefully we figure it out soon. Thanks for all your help & letting me vent.
Ferber does work... the question is -- and you have to be honest with yourself here -- is if you have really tried it as it is meant to be. Have you read the book? Have you stuck with it for like 1 week? Have you only gone in at timed intervals and not picked Meredith up out of the crib?
My heart goes out to you because you have been suffering with this sleep thing for so long. If Meredith doesn't learn how to sleep now, imagine how it's going to be when she gets into a toddler bed. She'll be running into your bedroom all night. My stepdaughter never learned to sleep well and whenever she was with us she slept in our bed until she was almost 6 years old. It was horrible and I hated it... such a source of stress between DH and I. To be honest even though she sleeps in her own bed now, DH basically needs to sit there in her room until she goes to sleep - takes like 30 minutes! So ridiculous, she's 9! I promised myself that whenever we had a kid this kid would be a good sleeper. Did not want to go through that again!