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Pregnant after a Loss
luckyangel
member
Shower vent, kinda long
luckyangel
member
Ok flame away if you want...I may be out of line to be upset by this but here it goes.
My sister and I are not close. She's a complete B if you ask me. We have never gotten along in our lives. Every holiday centers completely around her schedule in my family because we all live within an hour of eachother except for her...she lives in St. Louis and is a bartender and honestly doesn't make enough money to just jump a flight or drive home whenever...so its always about celebrating when Mandy can make it.
I have been talking to my SIL about the shower they're throwing (the 2 sides are doing separate parties because of the size of the parties) and I wanted to make sure that there weren't going to be problems with dates overlapping since I hadn't heard anything from my mom about her shower since we talked about it in June...at that time she said she was thinking mid October or early Nov. My MIL and SIL are planning theirs for Nov 7th.
SO I call my mom today to ask her about dates so there aren't any mix ups and she tells me that my sister is too broke to come up to visit for a shower, but wants to be here for it, so they were thinking about having the shower over Christmas break. I'm due Dec 15th.
Has ANYONE had a shower planned for AFTER the baby comes? There seem to be so many unknowns...when will the baby come, will there be hospital time because of complications, what if he comes late, will I be too exhausted from having a newborn at home, will people be too busy because of the holidays? Not to mention, how are DH and I supposed to know what stuff we need to go buy ourselves if we haven't even had the biggest of our 2 showers yet? Those are all the logical reasons to think its not a good idea...my pregnancy hormones are screaming "SERIOUSLY!? My shower is being planned around my pot-head sister's paydays from the bar she works at?!?"
Am I out of line to feel like this is a bad idea or try to talk them into doing it earlier? I had no idea my mom had changed her mind about doing it early in Nov, so this sort of threw me for a loop when she said it. I know I should be thankful my family is throwing me a shower at all, but I just don't see how its going to work out to have a shower a week after my due date!
accordingtoabby.com"
"From of suffering emerges the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahlil Gibran
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Shower vent, kinda long
I can see why you'd be frustrated.
DH's family is having a shower for me after our baby comes too... I find it weird mainly because its obvious that having a shower for me at all was an after-though.
Ya know I'm frustrated because how am I supposed to know what stuff we still need to get ourselves...that's the obvious 1st thought.
But more so, I'm just mad that for ONCE in my life it can't be about what works best for me, its about my sister. Since I have 3 step daughters that we have custody of, DH and I agreed only one baby for financial and housing space reasons...this is my ONLY biological child and yet I'm still jumping through hoops for my sister.
For Christ Sakes! I RESCHEDULED MY WEDDING FOR HER! Our originally planned wedding date was the day before he anniversary with her ex husband and she was so upset by it that we rescheduled the wedding for the next weekend! Guess I just thought this is one time in my life where it would be about me and not her...and I was wrong.
that is ridiculous!
FWIW I have been to post-baby showers called "sip and sees" that were actually a lot of fun! The ones I went to there was lots of wine and the mom even got to have some and everyone brought some cute outfits. But no big ticket items were given and you won't have the luxury of knowing what's coming pre-baby to plan for it which is rough. Maybe you can ask them if they will do a theme like diapers or something given the timing.
I would be really upset too. I would tell my mom exactly what you said here. It is about you and your child. It is a shame that she can't make it, but it isn't fair to you to have to reschedule because of someone else. I think this is one of the few times in your life that it is OK to be selfish and you should take full advantage of that. This is your only biological baby and this is about you...not her!
I love my sister to bits, but she lives in NC and has 6 kids. There is no way that she can make it to my shower when it is being held, but we are both dealing with that.
1st pregnancy: m/c began 1/12/09 d&c 1/13/09 8wks. Baby stopped growing at about 6wks.
Delaney: Born 10/15/09
Gavin: Born 4/8/11
Baby #3: due July 10, 2014
That does suck! It must be so frustrating to deal with.
My SIL had her shower after the baby came but only because my niece decided to make an earlier arrival! It was nice to be able to see the baby at the shower, but it was also January in Chicago, so for her it was a pain in the a** to take a newborn out in that lovely weather!
With that being said there might be some advantages. For example the baby will already be here so you may need some things you didn't think of before. Like some previous posters suggested, maybe have it be themed for diapers or other stuff. Also, maybe edit your registry. For the shower before the baby comes keep all the stuff you will definatly need right away. Then add the other stuff after the early shower. ( Your high chair, toys and stuff that they don't need right away)
And look on the bright side, unless your breast feeding. You can partake in a few of the "spirits' !
i have a similar relationship with my sister so I totally hear you but there's not much you can do about it because this is your moms decision since she's the host... not that you shouldnt be upset!!
i think you'll be fine with whatever you get from the IL's shower... and you dont need every single thing that first month home with baby so just make sure you have a place for LO to sleep and some clothes and diapers and i'm sure the rest will fall into place.
i'm not trying to make it seem like you're overreacting cuz i dont think you are... but when things are not in your hands, its a waste of energy to get upset about it and your LO needs all your energy.
anngee great idea on editing my registry! If I can't talk them into doing it earlier-that's exactly what I will do! Thanks!