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Toddlers: 24 Months+
moroccojade
member
DD is totally rejecting DH lately. :(
moroccojade
member
It started as soon as we got home from vacation. DD and I were gone for 2 weeks, DH could only join us for the first 9 days. So he came home early. When DD and I finally got home, she's been treating him like chopped liver. Not wanting him to help her with anything. He's not allowed to put her to bed. She doesn't want him around, basically. She did go out with him once, but that was only because they were meeting DH's friend, whom DD adores. She barely lets him hug her. And she even said "I don't love daddy anymore."
No, he hasn't done anything wrong. He's an incredible dad. She is his moon and stars. Very attentive, affectionate. She just wants me me me. (I'm not nearly as patient as DH. Nor am I as fun. If I were her I'd probably gravitate toward him.)
Anyway. Has anyone gone through this? Please tell me it will end. I just feel so bad for him. They used to be so close.
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Re: DD is totally rejecting DH lately. :(
Oh man, we just finished this phase.
In June, DD and I went on a 2 wk trip w/o DH, who was stuck at work. When we got back, she wanted nothing to do with him. No kisses or hugs. No riding on his shoulders. Zero.
It was mid-August before she finally came around again. I tried everything I could. Time alone together. Pushing her to do things with him. Fun bonding activities. She just wasn't having it.
Finally, she just came around on her own. In the meantime, he felt horrible and it really hurt is self-esteem as a father. Now that they're "back together," he is making sure he does a lot with her and I'm giving them more opportunities to be alone together.
So yes, it hopefully will pass soon! And I suspect it'll go faster for you than it did for us, because my DH is OOT more than half the week. GL!!!
Totally normal. And it passes. I would often encourage the time together when she would act like this after DH went on a trip. Usually he would come home and want to be all over her and she wanted nothing to do with him. What I did is bribery -- she wanted ice cream? Ask daddy. She wanted to go on a walk? Oh, okay, mommy will be right there but has to go to the potty so go with daddy. She wanted a favorite show? Ask daddy to put it on. Chocolate milk? Oh, ask daddy. Bedtime? Nope, daddy is doing it. I would often disappear to force the time together and then she would be fine. Daddy became the giver of all good things for a bit and then once she was in the groove I would take over every now and again doling out a treat so he wasn't marked as the soft touch.
Now any time I reappear, it's all about mommy but at least during those times together, she is great with DH. And it helps her get back into going to either of us fairly readily.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
awww.... this sucks! We've been through it, both ways.
I went away for a week for work and when I got back, DD wanted NOTHING to do with me. I was heartbroken! She wanted her daddy and I couldn't do anything right. This eventually passed.
About a month after I got back from my week away for work, DD and I went to the other side of the country without DH for a week. When we got back, she wanted NOTHING to do with DH. She didn't want to cuddle or play or anything with him. He was absolutely crushed. We've been back for about 3 weeks, and this past week, she is back in her daddy phase and only wants him now.
It's normal. Your DD got used to you being the only person (ok, maybe not only, but the only primary person - no DH) taking care of and playing with her. It will pass. It sucks for a while, but it will pass.
Those little monkeys! They're breaking their poor parent's hearts! lol.
Thanks for letting me know it's normal. I'm sure it will indeed pass. Hopefully soon. I'm pretty sure I'm going away for a conference in Banff this fall, so they'll be flying solo for almost a week. So perhaps I'm next.
agree with pp. it is heartbreaking for the daddies. But our time will come too.
I like the idea of letting DH give her everything good or fun.
p.s. your DH is hot!
lol. Thanks MOO. I dated homely guys most of the time. Then DH came in to my life. I didn't know what to do with a cute, sensitive guy almost 5 years younger than me. But I figured it out.
Am I the only cradle robber here? heh.
This is very common, and both my kids have gone through "Mommy infatuation" stages from time to time. We have also had shorter periods of "Daddy infatuation" but I'm the one who is primarily home with the kids, so they are more likely to think I walk on water than Daddy.
BTW, it was only around age 7 that my DD stopped doing this. It goes on until they reach a point of social/emotional/cognitive development where they can handle having two different kinds of love for their two parents.
DH and I dealt with this by keeping lines of communication open. We would also speak out gently against them expressing displeasure verbally with the other parent. For example:
DD, age 2: I want you to tuck me in, Mommy. I don't like it when Daddy is the one who tucks me in.
Daddy: [says nothing]
Me: Hey, it probably hurt Daddy's feelings when you said that. I don't like it when you hurt Daddy's feelings. I love Daddy and I want both you and him to be happy. Can you say something to Daddy that is nice to help him feel better?
As my kids have gotten older, I make it even more blunt. I say, "Hey -- I don't like to hear anyone talking to my husband that way! You apologize!"
ETA: I love Pesky's answer as well!