Clicky Poll: serious question

mindyschaller · September 2009

My husband has a renewed sense of hope now that we've gotten pregnant on clomid. I can't seem to keep a pregnancy, and we can't afford anymore testing or treatments or anything. I want to start the whole adoption process, but he wants to wait. Is it wrong to start the paperwork/research even though he's not ready to give up on us yet? He wants to adopt anyway whether we have a baby or not, so I dont see the harm in it, but I wanted to know what you girls think.

[Poll]

alwyzbsy · September 2009

What are his reasons for wanting to wait to start the adoption process?

babygirlpriest · September 2009

Adoption is, as you probably know, a veeeery long process. I think it would be wise (and help keep you sane as it will give you something to DO) to start researching adoption options (international, stateside, open vs. closed, foster-to--adopt, etc.).

travers081906 · September 2009

I would sit down and talk with him about just doing research just in case, then that way yo have options! adoption is a very long process... it could be years before you get to adopt a child.... from what i hear...

texas77 · September 2009

i heard besides sex adoption is the fastest way to get pg.

i don't see the harm in checking things out. how much does it cost to adopt these days? would you consider a baby here or from a foreign country?

mindyschaller · September 2009

His reason for not wanting to adopt yet: He had given up on our ability to even get pregnant (it took 2 years for the first pg) and now that I've been pregnant twice this year, he has renewed hope and doesnt want to give in yet.

Also, the cost is so expensive, he's afraid after all the adoption fees, we wont have the money to support the child! Also, he wants me to stay home with our kids so that would take away my income too.

actually, the money thing kind scared me too. upwards of 30,000 is a lot regardless of how it's spread out.

PeetiePie · September 2009

I voted for number 2. BTW - I know of 2 IRL couples that got pg right after they adopted. Sorta like the buy a box of tampons theory.

katie9136 · September 2009

the 2nd one.

he kinda sucks for like wanting to put you away in the shed since you dont work.

i think you still have a shot girlfriend!

and you don?t seem totally convinced you?re down with adoption either.

alwyzbsy · September 2009

Ok, I was curious because you mentioned him wanting to adopt as well as have a child biologically. Would you try to adopt a baby or an older child?

Best of luck on whatever you decide.

grr_aargh · September 2009

I think there are options other than private adoption that are cheaper. I thought I remembered someone telling me about adopting through the state - it was faster and nowhere near as financially difficult as going through a private adoption.

I chose the "start paperwork but don't do anything official without him." I'd probably sit down with my DH and explain what starting paperwork/getting into the cue means. Also, if you go through private adoption and the process is extended, this will give you a significant amount of time to save money to pay adoption costs -- so you guys have options.

I'd put it this way with him: We can wait to fill out the paperwork -- and maybe get pregnant (YAY!!!) or not and THEN fill out paperwork and wait even longer to adopt, or we can fill out the paperwork now, get in the cue, and maybe get pregnant (YAY!!!) or when we're done trying, have some of our waiting time out of the way (DOUBLE YAY!) to do private adoption. I don't see how any of this could hurt - and I also don't see how filling out paperwork would be mutually exclusive of still TTC. If you can sell it to him that way, surely he'll come around.

bebeblues · September 2009

texas77:

i heard besides sex adoption is the fastest way to get pg.

I know someone that this happened to! She had been ttc for like 5-6 yrs and had a lot of trouble and several losses. She and her dh decided to adopt. They chose someone who was pregnant so they would get to bring the baby home from the hospital. She found out she was pregnant a few months into the adoption and didn't even tell anyone b/c she was expecting to m/c......but she didn't!!! She now has a girl (adopted) and boy that are 6 months apart! She's very happy!!!

JenPVH · September 2009

I couldn't vote because I could think either way. But I do think it is important that both you and your DH are in agreement. I wouldn't want to start parenthood on a rocky path.

JaimieLee · September 2009

In case you are interested, there are definitely cheaper ways to go about adopting. My BF adopted through Catholic Charities. All they had to pay for was the home study ($1200-$1500) and a few other minor expenses. The catch is that the wait could be a very long time. They told her that it would be at least 2 years. Imagine her surprise (and delight) when they showed up to her doorstep with a 2 week old a mere 3 months later....

HElizabethDU · September 2009

mindyschaller:

His reason for not wanting to adopt yet: He had given up on our ability to even get pregnant (it took 2 years for the first pg) and now that I've been pregnant twice this year, he has renewed hope and doesnt want to give in yet.

Also, the cost is so expensive, he's afraid after all the adoption fees, we wont have the money to support the child! Also, he wants me to stay home with our kids so that would take away my income too.

actually, the money thing kind scared me too. upwards of 30,000 is a lot regardless of how it's spread out.

My DH thinks this exactly. It is frustrating sometimes. You do get a 10,000 tax credit though which is nice!

HugginAngel · September 2009

texas77:

i heard besides sex adoption is the fastest way to get pg.

i don't see the harm in checking things out. how much does it cost to adopt these days? would you consider a baby here or from a foreign country?

A quick sory on Texa's comment. My second cousin and her husband had tried for about 5yrs to get pg. They did IUI and IVF and she had M/C's or they didn't take each time. Finally they said "okay lets adopt" a year later when they got back from getting their son from China she started to not feel well...and BAM!! She was pregnant!! She said it was partially her stupididity thinking that if it hadn't happened in 5yrs it was never going to and well now she has a 4yr old and a 3yr old...hehe! So I agree with Texas the best way to get pg is to adopt..lol

mlmtgg · September 2009

it's such a long process. that's my fear is that we are holding off til 2010 to even look into it "officially" and then if the process takes 1+ years, it will be forever til we have children. . .. I say go for it. Don't sign the dotted line til obviously you are both ready - but the more research, the more prepared you are, the better.

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