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Working Moms
Did your mom being a sahm or a wm affect your decision to work?
My mom SAHM with me. I have to say while she was always playing with me, etc I was bored by the time I was 4 and very ready for preschool. I know this sounds horrible but it was tough not being able to participate in activities such as soccer, etc because we "could not afford it." I always wore hand me downs and felt like I was judged by my peers. My mom actually set me down before DS was born and told me while she loved being with me she would have loved to have the option of working. Overall I think it did play a big piece in my decision.
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Re: Did your mom being a sahm or a wm affect your decision to work?
Indirectly because my mom always pushed me to do well in school and to be successful so I could have options that she didn't have. She was a teacher and it wasn't worth it for her to work when we were kids because she didn't make enough but she went back as soon as she possibly could because my dad was a gov't employee and they didn't have a lot of $. This is another reason that she indirectly lead me towards being a WM. My husband and I are able to do a lot with our kids that we never would have done when we were kids.
The ironic thing is that my mom secretly wishes I stayed home. She makes comments here or there and I know she wishes I were home - probably for selfish reasons, so when she visits we could go shopping and I could call her 20 times a day like her sister's kids are with their mom. She always asks me if I'm going to switch to part time at some point. I think it's an overall dilemma that grandmas have - they are proud of their daughters for being working women but also wish that we could be with our kids all the time.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
Very much.
My mom was a SAHM from the time I was around 3 on, and she suffered pretty severe depression when I was a teenager due in large part to her poor self-esteem and self-image - she hated that her entire identity was wrapped up in being a wife and mother, and she had started applying for jobs but no one would hire her, not even as a grocery store clerk, because she had been out of the workforce for so long.
It tore her up and nearly tore our family apart.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
My mom worked. All of the women in my family have good careers. No one was a SAHM.
It probably influenced me. I have no desire to not be independent financially, not have a career, or to wonder how to make ends meet by selling crap on Etsy or Ebay while my husband slaves away at an office job.
I want my boys to grow up with the same type of role models I had.
Ditto. Except eventually my parents split, and my mom has never quite recovered - she gets more fearful of risk every year and lives in a small radius of places she will travel to. I figured genetically I'm pre-disposed to the same pitfalls, so I could never SAH full time, even though I miss my kids.
I do wish there were more job share options for balance, though.
My mom was a sahm. She was not well-rounded, always fearful of taking risks, and codependent. The fact that she sah had the opposite effect on me. It made me strive to be financially independent.
Yes her choices motivated me to work. My mother always worked. She was a seamstress at the sweatshops in lower Manhattan in the early 70's, worked at my daycare cafeteria when I was in pre-K. When I got into grade school and junior high, she went to college where she studied nursing. She worked until she was forced to retire - arthritic knees. The forced retirement hit her hard. Her greatest fear was being without a means of supporting herself financially. Although she knows my dad was a keeper (they've been married for 55 years) - she always feared that.
Ditto this too. My mom's dream was to be a SAHM at whatever cost. We could never afford to have nice clothes, we wore hand made clothes or hand-me-downs, could never participate in school activities and feild trips because we didn't have the money. My dad eventually grew tired of this, and divorced her when I was in middle school. She ended up having to get a job, PT and she has never fully recovered from having her whole identity wrapped up in motherhood and then that was taken away.
I love being a working mom, I do miss my ds though the day but I know working makes me a better me, thus a better mom. I love the fact that my ds can have the things in life that I did not such as new clothes, nice vacations, a nice home with good schools, etc. Call me materialistic.
I was chatting with a co-worker the other day that told me the saddest story. She had a career but left it when she had kids, her husband wanted her to be a SAHM. She was the ultimate SAHM, president of the PTA, etc., he came home after 17 years and told her she "bored" him and he was leaving her. She said it took her forever to get back into the work world because of a 17 year break. She got very little child support and no alimony so she scrimped to get by. I know this kind of thing does not happen that often but wow that is scary.
Like a pp, it's was my parents's divorce along with my mom's experience of SAH/WOH which affects my decision to work. My mom SAH until my sister & I went to school, then she worked PT until we were in 7th or 8th grade & then she went FT -- a few years later my parents were divorced. She hadn't enough time in a "career" to make any money. Once my sister & I left the house & the child care payments stopped my mom wasn't making enough money to support herself. I saw that struggle & decided I never wanted that for myself if the worst was to happen & DH & I divorced.
Yes because my mom pushed me to do well in school and go to a great college so that I could have a career, not a job, as she likes to say. She was a SAHM until I was in grade school and then she went back to school and got her BA and then her MA. I was really proud of her for working so hard while raising two kids. Also, at the time I sometimes resented her being away but when I look back as an adult, I see how much happier she was when in school and how much more independent she became.
When I didn't want to return to work after DD was born, my mother told me that if I didn't return to my career, it would be a let down to her and all of the sacrifices she made for me. I remember how tough it was to transition back into work and now I am so glad she pushed me.
This response makes me want to call her and thank her :-)
Wow- so similar to my mother. She was always a SAHM and always resented me for it because her identity and self-esteem were wrapped up in being a wife and mother. She started drinking, became an alcoholic and it did tear my family apart. She left when I was 18 but it affected my entire teenage years. I'm probably one of the few kids out there who were thrilled when their parents got divorced. We were so much happier without her and my dad later married a lovely woman who- as it would happen- had always been a working mom herself.
As a result, I knew I wanted a full career and to do so many things I wanted to do before I had kids (she was married really young). I hope my son will see someone who loves their life and their career and is happy and strong instead of what my family went through.
IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
My mom has always worked but... she got to bring me with her ! She started working on a Montesorri pre school and brought me with ehr to work starting at 6 weeks (I don't think things were as stringent in the 70s ; ) and when I was 2 ish, she opened her own Montesorri school so I went with her there too!
This is my mom to a tee too : )
I'm finding the responses very interesting.
My mom worked, at least PT, all through the time I grew up, although I didn't really notice it that much. I think, as a nurse, she worked weekends and evenings so we were not in daycare that much, she and my dad "split-shifted" it so that one of them was with us most of the time (except for some after-school care, etc). But I think the fact that she worked did influence me to want to work rather than SAH. Now that I have a child, I can understand why some people want to SAH, but I also want to continue working.
Anyway, the thing that I find interesting is it gives me a new perspective on my DH, who is a SAHD, and how he wants to keep working PT at his freelance and how working is an important part of his sanity/identity. He does not bring in much $, but it's worth it for our overall family happiness to have him sane and happy.
sorry..i'm just a lurker!! i'm a SAHM who works part time right now, and hopes to go back to school to get a "real job" within the next 3-4 years.
my mom was also a nurse, but she worked non stop. she was gone on holidays and some weekends and i was always so jealous of the kids whose moms did the bake sales and car pools and everything else. i swore i'd never be that kind of mom and always wanted to SAH.
in retrospect, i realize that it wasn't bc she was a WM, it was just the kind of mother she was. i think the majority of WMs love their kids tremendously and are plenty invovled in their lives. i blamed it on her job bc "she" blamed it on her job. she could have went down to PT or negotiated a different contract, i'm sure, to be there for me a little more. i hated being a "latch-key" kid and always feeling like i was a problem. it was always, "ugh..who's going to watch Michelle this summer" or "what am i going to do with her after school until i get out at 6." she sent me to this awful after school program at the ymca and i cried every day bc i hated it.
this is why i'm mostly a SAHM and i feel very blessed that i get so many special moments with my children. however, i miss the fullfillment that comes with on the job praise and a decent pay check that i earned myself. i have a fabulous DH, but I do worry that if anything were to happen to him, i would be screwed.
i hope to be working in my new career by the time our last LO is in kindergarten. i dont' mean to make it sound like i regret being home...i don't! its been a huge financial struggle but we get by. i figure i'll be working close to FT by the time they're all old enough to enjoy a real vacation and by the time they start to realize that with mommy home we aren't as well off as some of their peers.
its unfortunate that we live in a society that doens't value a parent being at home. i think more job sharing should be available and more telecommuting. i feel that women should be given more real life choices so that finances alone wouldn't have to render any decision to stay home or go to work. its near impossible to SAH full time these days, esp if you want more than 2 children.