NBR: completely hurt and humiliated. vent..

DianeN9 · September 2009

Well, as most of you probably know i was having major issues with my ex FI/ father of my son. Well we agreed to not even be friends or talk but to be civil and respect each other if we do happen to be in the same place at the same time. Well, last night my two best friends from middle school wanted to take me out for one last good night of dancing before i get into my third tri and get big and have LO. So i agreed because i love any excuse to get all dolled up. Well, i knew that my ex went to this place a lot, so i calmly called him and explained ''look, my friends want to take me here, i know you go here, i just wanted to see if you'd be there and i don't want any drama''... he told me nicely he was going and that he would never bring anymore drama into our situation and that it was safe to go there and even encouraged me to say hi to him and all of his friends and such. Well, i walk in and first person i see is him, but i didnt say hi, i just walked away to the back of the place to say hi to a mutual friend. And then it happens.... HE SHOWED UP AT THE BAR AFTER LYING AND TELLING ME IT WAS SAFE TO COME WITH HIS EX HE HAS BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH SINCE I GOT PREGNANT. My friends didn't understand why i was upset. HOW CAN I NOT BE UPSET? I almost called off of work today because i'm in such a foul mood that i don't even wanna be around me right now. I'm so hurt. I'm not hurt cause he was with someone, i could care less if he dates or who he sleeps with, my feelings for him are in the past. But that is just SO hurtful and disrespectful. I had to go outside and call my mom to get me under control. I'm sorry to vent all this stupid stuff, but i'm so lonely and i barely have friends that CARE and im just SO upset.

bananasmomma · September 2009

You went to a club while you are almost 6 months pregnant? Interesting.

Scooter359 · September 2009

If you decided not to talk, I wouldnt bother calling him telling him im going to be at such and such with so and so, thats just giving him an excuse to go and get under your skin on purpose, and thats just begging to start drama.

DianeN9 · September 2009

I thought it would be respectful to let him know i would be in the same place so there wouldn't be confrentation.. i didn't know he would use my being polite against me.

And its not a club.... its sort of just like an open room with country music where people dance, and there is a bonfire and cornhole and gambling outside.

duchessII81 · September 2009

Given everything he has done up to this point, what did you think was going to happen when you called him?

There's no quick fix. It's gonna suck for a while. Make a CLEAN cut, deal with your break-up as what's in the best interest for you and your baby, and move on.

good luck to you.

Abinormal · September 2009

I'm not sure if I understand why you were upset. Y'all are not together anymore and so he has a right to see and hang out with whoever he wants. Yes, it sucks that he is still dating the person that he cheated on you with, but he does have a right to go out somewhere with her. Just like you have a right to go out places with whomever you choose.

If you both end up being in the same place the best course of action would be to either say hi and leave it at that or just ignore each other. It sounds to me like this is a pretty big place and I think you probably could have easily avoided each other.

Also, to the pp (the one who made the comment about going to a club at almost 6 months pg). I am going to a karaoke bar this Friday, it's a non-smoking facility (everywhere in Austin is) and I don't plan on drinking alcohol. I see nothing wrong with going to a bar to hang out with friends and have a good time as long as you aren't surrounded by cigarette smoke and you aren't drinking. I'm going out with some friends for a "girls" night and plan on having a great time singing my heart out!

ibis · September 2009

You put yourself in that situation; you went there knowing he was going to. Did you honestly think that he was going to be alone and not talking to any other women while he was at a dance club?? It seems like every time I read one of your vents you are feeling sorry for yourself over something for which you are partly accountable... but you take no responsibility for any of it. Which I suppose isn't too surprising since you're only 19. But you're going to have some growing up to do when this baby comes.

liv97 · September 2009

bananasmomma:
You went to a club while you are almost 6 months pregnant? Interesting.

what's wrong with that? are we pregnant women supposed to keep cloistered away?

Scooter359 · September 2009

DianeN9:

I thought it would be respectful to let him know i would be in the same place so there wouldn't be confrentation.. i didn't know he would use my being polite against me.

And its not a club.... its sort of just like an open room with country music where people dance, and there is a bonfire and cornhole and gambling outside.

I wouldnt let him know in the future. Most men will see this as an opportunity to go and make you feel like crap just to boost themselves up a bit. And it seems thats exactly what he did. Im sure if you shopped at the same grocery store you wouldnt call and say "hey, im shopping on thursday, i dont want any drama" because you know darn well he would show up thursday even if he had planned on going tuesday.

And its perfectly fine to go out while pregnant. I tell people all the time, Im pregnant, not disabled. You can still live and have fun, enjoy it.

tmhutch · September 2009

DianeN9:

I thought it would be respectful to let him know i would be in the same place so there wouldn't be confrentation.. i didn't know he would use my being polite against me.

And its not a club.... its sort of just like an open room with country music where people dance, and there is a bonfire and cornhole and gambling outside.

Sorry, this has nothing to do with the post...but I just have to know...what the hell is cornhole???

ohmygoodness99 · September 2009

You were going to call off work when you are admittedly totally broke and looking for welfare, over some drama that you put yourself in... hmm.

bananasmomma · September 2009

Can't really imagine going to a club/country bar and dancing at 6 months pregnant.

This post is a little irksome because it sounds so childish and high schoolish...which isn't surprising seeing as how the OP is only 19.

OhioBobcat · September 2009

Plain and simple, you're going to have to be the bigger person and rise above it. The best thing I have found when I have split from a person I was in a long-term relationship with is that even if it's just for 6 months or so...it makes the sting less painful to just break it off completely and give yourself time to accept it. I think deep down we all have that intermittent reinforcement that makes us hope for a small sliver of a second chance...whether we consciously admit it or not. I appreciate this is your child together, but for the time being it seems like it would be in your best interest to avoid him at all costs. Go out...have laughs and good times with your friends...far far away from anywhere he might be.

PurpleK26 · September 2009

ibis:
You put yourself in that situation; you went there knowing he was going to. Did you honestly think that he was going to be alone and not talking to any other women while he was at a dance club?? It seems like every time I read one of your vents you are feeling sorry for yourself over something for which you are partly accountable... but you take no responsibility for any of it. Which I suppose isn't too surprising since you're only 19. But you're going to have some growing up to do when this baby comes.

I love you Ibis! This is my thinking exactly!

ashleyb0604 · September 2009

bananasmomma:

Can't really imagine going to a club/country bar and dancing at 6 months pregnant.

This post is a little irksome because it sounds so childish and high schoolish...which isn't surprising seeing as how the OP is only 19.

LOL...my first thought wasn't that she was pg, but that it was a Wednesday night...how old does that make me feel?!?

LovinTim912 · September 2009

A few people have already said it but I have to say it too.... why in the hell would you go there if you didn't want to see him, but knew he'd be there? ?That is just masochistic if you ask me....... ?If I am trying to avoid someone and I know they frequent a certain place, it becomes off limits to me until I know I can handle what may happen. ?Perhaps you need to consider that too.

MonicaGeller · September 2009

Why didn't you just go somewhere else?

whit022109 · September 2009

i dont think going country dancing or to any club at 6 months pregnant is that big of a deal, first of all. im 25 weeks and i still have a small bump and im feeling decent most days. if she was feeling fine, then who cares! but seriously, can you cut this loser off? your child is better off NOT knowing him at all. he's a total scumbag. just cut off all ties!

babygirlcc · September 2009

Like a lot of people have said, you basically set yourself up for that one. Why would you call him and tell him where you are going? You didn't have to do that...even if you ran into him and he tried to start something be the bigger person and ignore him. It takes 2 people to argue. I think you want an excuse to contact him because you haven't completely dealt with your feelings. If you have then this wouldn't even be an issue and you definitely wouldn't even think about not going to work over this foolishness.Not to say it's easy to get over someone but don't set yourself up for stuff then expect to get sympathy out of everyone.

SRose27 · September 2009

tmclawchick:

I would avoid him completely. Everytime you interact with him it ends up with you in tears and super upset. He's poison, and he's not worth it. I know you were trying to be respectful by giving him the heads up that you'd be there, but he hasnt' really done anything to earn it. I really think the only time you should be communicating with him is a phonecall letting him know when his @$$ needs to be in court for child support.

And don't call off work because you're upset! You need this job girl! If you're still upset, do something to cheer yourself up, even if it's just taking a walk outside. The sun always brightens up anyone's mood.

agreed! Screw him! He obviously needed to make himself feel better that night. If things were "civil" he would have either been there alone with friends or not at all after hearing you were going, but no... he had to be a jerk.

And I agree with the other ladies... what is wrong going out at 6 months pregnant? You aren't handicapped. If you aren't around cigarette smoke and aren't drinking, whats the problem? Are you supposed to sit on the couch and watch tv the rest of your pregnancy? Hell no. We go out, we go camping and have a great time. You don't need alcohol or cigarettes to have fun

happilyhis · September 2009

duchessII81:

Given everything he has done up to this point, what did you think was going to happen when you called him?

There's no quick fix. It's gonna suck for a while. Make a CLEAN cut, deal with your break-up as what's in the best interest for you and your baby, and move on.

good luck to you.

This. Please STOP this masochistic behavior girlie. You are hurting and humiliating yourself. Don't call him for anything but child support when the time comes. Stop asking for trouble. I know you're young, but you have to grow up fast now sweetie. Please stop creating these situations.

laurel_howeth · September 2009

ibis:
You put yourself in that situation; you went there knowing he was going to. Did you honestly think that he was going to be alone and not talking to any other women while he was at a dance club?? It seems like every time I read one of your vents you are feeling sorry for yourself over something for which you are partly accountable... but you take no responsibility for any of it. Which I suppose isn't too surprising since you're only 19. But you're going to have some growing up to do when this baby comes.

This

blessedinthewest · September 2009

I'm so confused. Is this the father of your baby?

Vuja_de · September 2009

ibis:
You put yourself in that situation; you went there knowing he was going to. Did you honestly think that he was going to be alone and not talking to any other women while he was at a dance club?? It seems like every time I read one of your vents you are feeling sorry for yourself over something for which you are partly accountable... but you take no responsibility for any of it. Which I suppose isn't too surprising since you're only 19. But you're going to have some growing up to do when this baby comes.

This.

MrsHK · September 2009

So you claim you don't have feelings towards ex, yet it bothers you to see him with his new gf. ***buzzz*** wrong. Then you told him where you were going, knew it was a place he frequents and would be there and were shocked and appalled that he was there with his gf. Huh? And somehow that's hurtful? Why? Because he's moved on? You obviously are bothered that he's moved on otherwise there's nothing here to be upset about.

I agree with your friends there is nothing here to be so hurt and humiliated over that you're not even wanting to go to work the next day. My guess you enjoy the drama and if nothing is there to be dramatic about you make it something to be dramatic about. Time to grow up and focus more on this baby coming then yourself.

tmhutch · September 2009

tmclawchick:
tmhutch:
DianeN9:

I thought it would be respectful to let him know i would be in the same place so there wouldn't be confrentation.. i didn't know he would use my being polite against me.

And its not a club.... its sort of just like an open room with country music where people dance, and there is a bonfire and cornhole and gambling outside.

Sorry, this has nothing to do with the post...but I just have to know...what the hell is cornhole???

It's a game with handheld bean bags... you stand back like 10 feet and toss them at a board with holes cut into it. Certain holes are worth different point values... popular backyard BBQ game.

Oh, okay.... never heard it called that!!!

myonetruelove · September 2009

liv97:

bananasmomma:
You went to a club while you are almost 6 months pregnant? Interesting.

what's wrong with that? are we pregnant women supposed to keep cloistered away?

WORD!! I have several DJ friends and love to dance. I have been to actual night clubs and danced, because my DJ friends invite me. It is a work out, it's not like I'm carrying around a drink and wearing booty shorts. I also work for an entertainment company and go to live concerts at least 3x a month.

I do refrain from dancing on table tops now.. Wink

donnycornelius · September 2009

You need to avoid this guy like the plague. Don't call him, don't email him, don't text him, de-friend him off of any social networking sites, don't go anywhere he may be.

It sounds like you're still holding out hope that you'll see him and he'll magically fall madly in love with you and you'll both live happily ever after. And every time you have an encounter that ends badly, you become upset and depressed. You've got to have a clean break here, or you'll keep wallowing in this cycle for a long time.

Move on. There are much better guys out there than the ones who knock up their 19 year old girlfriends and then ditch them.

Mrs.tlcS · September 2009

Please listen to me. I mean this in the most supportive way possible. I am not snarking on you, and I am not saying this to deliberately hurt your feelings.

STOP borrowing trouble you don't need. You are responsible for your actions and reactions. If you do not want to see this man, avoid his haunts. If you do not want to see this man with someone else, avoid his haunts and avoid her haunts. DO NOT go where he might be, DO NOT go where he likes to hang out.

kimberleigh30 · September 2009

Girl, you just need to find new places to hang out.

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