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If you have toddlers +twins....advice?

jettagurljettagurl member
in Multiples

I have a 3.5 yr old, and a 21 mo old.  I will be induced with twins on the17th if they don't arrive before then.  

I've been asked by both my mom & dad (divorced) when/if I want them to come stay or take the two toddlers for a few days after the birth.  I know it's different than bringing home one baby, so I don't want to be ignorant to the fact that this WILL be more difficult than what it has been bringing the other two home.  I didn't have any overnight/constant help with either of them.  So, I just don't know what I want to do this time.  I know I want the older kids to either come home from the hospital with us, or at least be home when we bring the babies home.  I just really feel it is important to have that family bonding time for 12-24 hrs with no-one else around.  But do I then send the older kids to my parents for a week or so?  Do I have someone come stay here?  Do I kind of alternate?  DH has about 2 weeks off, but we want to save a few of those days to do things we traditionally do later in the year (Christmas at the Zoo, Aquarium, etc) and he will go bonkers trying to have a lock-in with the kids...he's just too much of a busy-body.  

So I guess I just need some advice.  I'm very attached to my older kids (what mom isn't?), and I really stress about them thinking we are replacing them or that the babies are our priority. 

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Re: If you have toddlers +twins....advice?

  • sfshawnasfshawna member

    Hi there - I'm in a pretty similar situation as you.  Congrats on making it so far in your pregnancy, especially with two little ones at home.  As far as your older two, I am amazed at how well that part has gone for me.  I always tell people I feel lucky that I have two older kids because they have each other and constantly entertain each other while I have to do everything I need to do with the twins.  We've had absolutely no jealousy - each girl thinks they have a baby to take care of, so there's also no fighting over holding the baby, etc. 

    Definitely have some help at the beginning so you can get settled back at home as a family.  My husband was home for 2 weeks, and we had family around a little bit, too.  Definitely have your husband home for at least a week so he can take charge of the big kids and give you time to rest while the babies sleep.  This will also give you a chance to figure out nursing if you're going to attempt it.

    Good luck!!  Five months in, and I'm surviving - it can be done :) Let me know if you have any other questions - I'd be happy to help!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Mom to Megan(5), Bridget(4), Tessa and Annie (2) and Mary (brand new)

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  • Temp159135562506975Temp159135562506975 member

    My 2 y/o son stayed at my sister's house while i was in the hospital (4 nights.. but he stayed 5 total b/c of the night before my c/s).... I wanted him home the day we came home.

    He was going to school/daycare during the day all week- so we had him at night and weekends - nights were fine- weekends were rough the first couple weeks - so we had family come over to play with him, or hold babies so we could play with him- we didn't want him to resent the babies or feel they were taking away his time - which he never has b/c of how we handled it.

    I couldn't have sent him away and been at home- no way.... I would have missed him WAY too much and he would haev missed out on key bonding time with the babies when they first came home.

    I think if you don't have anyone who can come over just during the day each day - then yes, it might be good to have someone come for a few days/overnight... but I don't like overnight guests so i'd rather someone who just comes during the day myself :)

    best of luck!!

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  • Temp6313048411121614Temp6313048411121614 member
    We won't be sending DS away.  We might have IL's take DS for an afternoon here or there (but that's nothing different).  I couldn't go that long without seeing him, AND like you said, I don't ever want him to feel replaced.  IMO, how would he NOT feel replaced if we sent him away for a week or more as soon as we get new babies in the house.  Making sure that he's happy will be priority #1.
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  • Kim777Kim777
    My son stayed at my parents' house when we were in the hospital. I would have preferred to have them keep him at our house but that is an hour from the hospital and their house is 10 minutes, so theirs just worked out better. My DH spent quite a bit of time each day at their house with Rhett and they brought him to the hospital every day to see me. I had heard it was important to have him come up and leave the hospital as a family, so that's what we did. He came home with us. I also couldn't have him go somewhere else once we were home. My mom is staying with us here full time and my dad comes on the weekends to join her (since he works during the week). So far it has worked out really well for us.
    Kimberly, DH Monte, Angel baby 10/06, Angel twin 7/07, Rhett Kaden, our IVF miracle, born 3/23/08, Mason Robert & Wyatt David, our FET miracles, born 8/2/09 at 36 weeks, 3 days
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  • energyzerenergyzer

    I only have one toddler (3.5) but he only stayed with grandma for the 2 nights we were at the hospital.  He came home from the hospital with us and stayed with us from there on out.  The babies really don't do much at that point so it wasn't too much of a big deal having everyone there. In fact, DS1 was really helpful and wanted to be around the babies quite a bit.  He does go to school 3 days a week though so he was gone a few times a week but we tried to maintain a regular schedule for him.  We had no help, some family that visited but no one overnight or helping with DS1 or the babies.  DH was only home for 1 week and it all went fine.  It can be done.  

    Having twins is definitely more work than one baby but it hasn't been much harder for me. DS1 was a tough baby so these two seem like a dream compared to him.  You'll do great!

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  • DEPDEP

    I know it's hard, but you have to make the decision that best suits your needs, and you will.  Try not to fret about it;  they are just a few days in the grand scheme of things that they will probably not remember;  if it works out better for them to leave than so be it.  Kids are resilient and they have the rest of their lives to all be/play together as a family.  You are giving them the best gift ever;  more siblings!  That's the way I try to see it. 

    I am in a bit of a different situation as I only have one at home, so I am not sure what to tell you!  My DD  may stay with grandparents while I am in the hospital if it works out best that way, or maybe go home with DH.  Not sure yet but it will work out! 

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