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Nora Judith 7/2/06 Miles Chauncey 4/20/09 born with Trisomy 21 - Down syndrome
It's SO hard not to compare Nora and Miles
I MUST. STOP. DOING. THIS!
Especially given Miles' Down syndrome. It's just not fair, but I can't help it. Today I was looking at old pics, and found some of Nora sitting up on her own. She wasn't too much older than Miles is now, and I know he won't be able to do that anytime soon.
The other day, a woman in the grocery store chuckled when she saw me with both of the kids and said "You'll be chasing after both of them this time next year!" I smiled and looked at Miles and thought, nope, probably won't. He'll likely be crawling by then, but not walking like Nora did at 10 months.
She was so ahead of the curve developmentally, and I realize that, but it just hurts sometimes to think Miles won't be at least somewhat on that same timeline.
I'm sure it's the same with anyone who has more than one child. Does the comparison stuff taper off after a while?? Or do you still find yourself doing it a lot?
Nora Judith 7/2/06 Miles Chauncey 4/20/09 born with Trisomy 21 - Down syndrome
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Re: It's SO hard not to compare Nora and Miles
I do it. I try not to, but I do it. I think it's impossible not to.
i know you are in a semi-different situation but I did this ALL the time at the beginning. I was always comparing - in both ways. Oh, #2 is already babbling when #1 never did that......#2 isn't walking yet when #1 walked at 10 months.....
But, at around 8 months old I realized that I REALLY enjoyed the differences. I love that my second is sooo unbelievable different from my first in every way. He crawled at 10 months and is so fast that I really don't think he'll walk anytime soon and I'm loving it. I thought it would bother me because it did in the beginning, but it doesn't.
I will say that I hate when people say things like 'oh, the next time I see him he'll be walking!'. My in-laws are famous for this. You know what, he probably won't be walking......and that is OK!!
I obviously don't know. but try not to be so hard on yourself. we are all human.
love ya!
I do it. I don't mean to, but I can't help it. What I know about parenting is based on my experience with Lawrence so it's hard not to think about what Law was doing when in comparison to what Andersen's currently doing.
I also compare sizes, which is REALLY hard not to do since their birthdays are only 3 weeks apart and they theoretically should be in the same clothes at the same times. Not so much. Andersen is HUGE compared to what Lawrence was and even though he's completely average, he looks like a giant baby to me because Law was so teeny (and still is).
I think it's inevitable.
I really try not to compare my kids, but I am sure I will. It is natural to. I compared Kate to all of her playgroup friends, even though I said I wouldn't. For now it is easy, because Kate was behind on all her physical milestones by quite a bit (rolled at 7.5 months, crawled at 10.5 months, pulled up at 14.5 months, walked at 18 months) so Ben has a looooong way to go before I get worried or can compare. I think I might do it more when he gets to the talking age, because Kate was "ahead" there. I'm actually finding it easier the 2nd time around to appreciate where they are NOW rather than always looking ahead to what's NEXT. I know Ben is my last baby, so I want to soak in his baby-ness rather than rush him to roll/crawl/walk etc.
Thanks for the reminder. I needed this. And I am trying harder to focus on Miles' abilities, and not his disabilities.
Nora Judith 7/2/06 Miles Chauncey 4/20/09 born with Trisomy 21 - Down syndrome
i did at first.
matt was eyes wide open and looking all around at birth, kind of loved the world instantly. matt was an easy baby. he was happy, and people fell all over him telling me how wonderful he was. and then sean didn't open his eyes much the first two weeks, was colicky, could NOT put him down if he was awake.had horribly dry flakey skin on his head and face. and sean didn't nurse well due to being tongue tied and then didn't adpt to formula until we did soy and reflux meds. all a bunch of trivial stuff really, but i couldn't help but compare.
then somewhere around 4-6 months sean became sean. i stopped associating having matt first and my baby exp. being about matt. it was a neat thing and almost...interesting enough to have another because you end up with so much love but diff. love for both. sean needed me more and we were so bonded and just now he's starting to become less of a mommy's boy sniff sniff.
so it's natural to compare i think. and over time it became less of a comparison and more of an understanding of who they were for me.
You might be wrong. There is a boy I know who has DS, and he has not had very many delays. He is about 6 months older than my DD and at almost 4, keeps up pretty well with the other kids. He won't be a professional sports star, but neither will most kids.
My DD was very small. She physically was and is just not super strong. DS seems to be the opposite. He is 90% to her
%. They are two different people and both have their strengths. My DS just sat up at 5 months and he is way ahead of the other 2 babies on our street who where born the same month. My DD didn't sit up on her own until almost 9 months.
I do it with the twins already and it drives me crazy that I do it... I think it's impossible NOT to do though... as long as it doesn't change how we feel about them- i think it's normal and OK to compare them.
LOL at your sig pic of Nora--K keeps squeezing her butt into the Bumbo now that we've busted it out for E again, too!
I worry about K and E being compared a lot, b/c K is so much fun and has so much personality, and is such a smart little stinker, that I wonder if E will decide not to even bother trying to compete with her. I was a goody two-shoes growing up, and my sister kind of went in the opposite direction for a long time for that reason, which sucks. I think it's probably impossible to expect that you won't notice/compare developmental milestones and such, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it, necessarily, unless you're making one of them feel bad by pointing out that they're not "measuring up" to the other (which obviously you wouldn't do!).
Kiwi Fruit, 10.2.06 & Ellie Bug, 4.5.09
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