My husband and I need to talk

priscillaka · September 2009

Hi ladies,

This is my first time posting here.
I would like to share my problem with you and see if anybody can help me.

I got married a couple of months ago and I'm already thinking about having a baby. The problem is that my husband, doesn't want one... anytime soon.

I knew that before we decided to tie the knot, but by that time, I wasn't feeling like I do now... I thought I would wait 5 or 6 years, but right now, I have the baby fever!

Have anyone experienced this as well? Will it pass or just get worse?! Confused

Thanks!

OneTwoThreeABC · September 2009

You can't force your husband into wanting a baby. If you two discussed waiting 5+ years before you got married than you can't be upset if he doesnt change his mind to only a few months after marriage. That being said, from personal experience, it only got worse for me. Every month it didnt happen with our first, I only wanted a baby more and more!! GL.

ilovetolaugh · September 2009

I say talk to him, its the only way you can figure out if he is still thinking the same way. The urge to become a mom hit much harder after we got married, so i understand what you're feeling. But the worst thing you guys could do is bring a child into the world before you're both ready.

I hope that everything turns out well for you, I'm sure it will.

oh and dont go off the pill or anything behind his back....cause some people have thought that was a good idea.

ourbabylove2010 · September 2009

Sorry darlin! Talk to him and ask his reasons why he isn't ready. Then feel out the waters for when he will be ready. Maybe there are still a few things on his list he wants to achieve and you could help him towards that. But all in all, he will be ready when he's ready and there is not much that can be done about it.

shanmoyer · September 2009

DH and I went through this shortly after getting married.

All I can say, is have patience. Don't force anything to happen - it will cause a huge strain on your relationship with your DH if you force the issue and pressure him into something that he isn't ready for.

Allow yourselves to grow as a married couple, and love eachother as newlyweds. He will come around - when he is ready.

Get a puppy if you really need to have a "baby" in the house - it will be a good learning experience for you and your DH.

LifeInANutshell · September 2009

I'm afraid you have only two choices...

1. Grow up and learn to wait until your husband is ready

2. Start putting holes in the condoms...

Emmerjill21 · September 2009

DH and I agreed that we would wait two years before we started TTC. I had baby fever...bad. And we actually waited three because DH wasn't quite ready yet.

The fact is you talked about it and you came to an agreement that it wouldn't be right away. So unfortunately you just have to wait. To help with my baby fever I hung out with my SIL's, they are baby makers and it was fun bonding with my neices and nephews.

There really isn't a good way to get rid of it...just occupy your time with other interests.

gymnst1013 · September 2009

This is something that only you and your husband can decide - you do definitely need to talk to him about it. You will probably get mixed answers to your questions here but ultimately, every couple is different and you and your husband need to be on the same page.

Mrs. BZ · September 2009

What I would suggest is talking to your husband and letting him know how you feel about having a baby. You cannot force your husband into changing his mind and you don't want to bring a child into this world if you and your DH aren't both ready. It's a lifetime commitment that would require for both of you to be committed. If you DH wants to have a child but just not at this moment, eventually, it will pass and he will be ready and let you know when he is.

ashleyann82 · September 2009

LifeInANutshell:
I'm afraid you have only two choices...
1. Grow up and learn to wait until your husband is ready
2. Start putting holes in the condoms...

Indifferent

MixiePixie · September 2009

Just be patient. You didn't say how old you are, but if you are still young, enjoy life now. If you and your husband just got married, enjoy being married and spending time alone together, because otherwise you don't get that special bonding time again until your kids are off to college. I realize to each their own, some people want to have kids right away, but I would think you would want to enjoy your time together first.

And don't poke holes in the condoms!! That isn't fair.

mkemily · September 2009

I've been waiting almost 2 years from the time my baby fever started until we start (1 month!) TTC is a decision where both of you have to feel 100% comfortable with. There are some things you can do to where you can feel like you are preparing.

1. Get the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. This book will teach you so many great things about you body and things you can do to prepare for TTC.

2. Start taking prenatal vitamines. My doctor told me to start taking them about 6 months before TTC.

3. Starting eating right.

4. Start working out and getting in shape, I don't have personal experience but having a baby puts strain on your body, so the better in shape you are before will make pregnancy and delivery much easier.

Try getting a hobby or taking classes or somthing that you can invest your time in to help get your mind off TTC. Your husband may come around soon, but give him some time. You may want to talk to about why he is holding back on the baby issue. Could it be finacial issues, things he wants to do before bringing a baby into the world? Long conversations every few months may help this process.

Sorry I wrote you a novel, but GL!!

ilovetolaugh · September 2009

ashleyann82:
LifeInANutshell:
I'm afraid you have only two choices...
1. Grow up and learn to wait until your husband is ready
2. Start putting holes in the condoms...

lol

Rachelilly23 · September 2009

shanmoyer:
DH and I went through this shortly after getting married.

All I can say, is have patience. Don't force anything to happen - it will cause a huge strain on your relationship with your DH if you force the issue and pressure him into something that he isn't ready for.

Allow yourselves to grow as a married couple, and love eachother as newlyweds. He will come around - when he is ready.

Get a puppy if you really need to have a "baby" in the house - it will be a good learning experience for you and your DH.

This.

priscillaka · September 2009

thank you all!

I'm glad to know I am not the only one who had (or is having) a baby fever a few months after the wedding.

I believe the smartest thing to do is to wait and talk to him again in the future...

About getting pregnant without him knowing... bad idea... it wouldn't be a very happy pregnancy... that wasn't part of my plans anyway

shanmoyer · September 2009

please please please do not poke holes in condoms, go Cowgirl and force him to finish in that position, get him drunk and silly, or do aynthing that could be considered trickery.

For the sake of your relationship, listen you his emotions. If he is not ready, he is not ready.

ilovetolaugh · September 2009

priscillaka:
thank you all!

I'm glad to know I am not the only one who had (or is having) a baby fever a few months after the wedding.

I believe the smartest thing to do is to wait and talk to him again in the future...

About getting pregnant without him knowing... bad idea... it wouldn't be a very happy pregnancy... that wasn't part of my plans anyway

I figured it probably wasn't but some people are a little off their rockers! haha

I know that everything will go well for you and DH, good luck Lady!

priscillaka · September 2009

MixiePixie:

Just be patient. You didn't say how old you are, but if you are still young, enjoy life now. If you and your husband just got married, enjoy being married and spending time alone together, because otherwise you don't get that special bonding time again until your kids are off to college. I realize to each their own, some people want to have kids right away, but I would think you would want to enjoy your time together first.

And don't poke holes in the condoms!! That isn't fair.

schneider3411 · September 2009

I know how you feel. I had the same feelings right after we got married and moved away from home. It took some will power but once I settled into my married routine I was ok. I also spent a lot of time trying to come up with things that I wanted to accomplish before we had kids. That also helped. Before I knew it my husband was asking me when I wanted to have kids. Good luck. Hope this helps!

dee7972 · September 2009

LifeInANutshell:

I'm afraid you have only two choices...

1. Grow up and learn to wait until your husband is ready

2. Start putting holes in the condoms...

please tell me your kidding

Temp356619000002780 · September 2009

ashleyann82:
LifeInANutshell:
I'm afraid you have only two choices...
1. Grow up and learn to wait until your husband is ready
2. Start putting holes in the condoms...

LMAO!!!

My DH didn't want any at all! But look here we are. Talk to him and find out why he wants to wait. It's never the right time for a baby! I wanted to start 4 years ago I had a great carrier as did he and now I been unemployed and laid off 5 times in the past 2 years.. And now he wants to try! Just talk it through come up with a time that you can both agree on. You can't force him!

RileyGrace · September 2009

It's a two yes, one no situation. You just have to wait until you are both ready. Talk to him about it, but I wouldn't bring it up all the time. If he wants to wait a long time I'd stop coming here because it'll just make you feel worse. Get a hobby, get busy, enjoy all the things you can't do when you have a baby. Enjoy just being married for a while. GL

Hibiscus2007 · September 2009

DH and I always said we would wait a few years before we had kids. And like you a few months into our marriage...I wanted a baby in the worst way. We had many discussions about it and made a list of things we wanted to do first...amazingly the list was very short and we thought...why wait, lets try now. We got our BFP on our 7 month anniversary. But I didn't pressure him, I just kept hinting at it. Now we are having a difficult time TTC#2 and wishing we had gotten married sooner and started sooner, but we are not young anymore. GL but I bet it won't end up being as long as you originally thought!

ams8099 · September 2009

It's very possible that this will pass. You spend so much time planning your wedding. Now that it's over you feel the need to plan something more. The natural feeling is to plan for a baby.

Hanging around here will not help! Give yourself sometime. If in a years time you still have the urge to have a baby, bring it up again with YH.

k2thelc · September 2009

ALMOST the same situation.

DH and I planned on waiting 4 or 5 yrs. But then I got baby fever. I know we SHOULD wait, but I'm sick of listening to what we should and shouldn't do.

Anyway, once I told DH about wanting one and gave him the pros and cons, and once we were around all the family babies and stuff, he agreed to let me stop BCP. So it finally hit me and I asked if that meant we were trying and he said yes! We're not temping or anything too in depth yet, though.

But DH finally said he wanted to have one while we were young and well enough to chase it around (I have arthritis, so even though I'm young, my body clock is ticking).

Just talk to him and try to come up with some sort of agreement. Even if you can't convince him to TTC, you can try to meet in the middle on a time to do so. Listing pros and cons helped me a ton, since I was still iffy about it myself. GL!

MrsBraun · September 2009

We originally wanted to be married 5 years before our first baby was born - then I got baby fever just like you. I don't know what it was...maybe wanting some of the attention back after getting married? Anyways, I knew it was better to wait, and as time went on I was SO glad we did because I really value all the great times we've had together as a couple, and what I got to do with my career. Now, here we are over 3 years later and we're both ready to have a family. I would definitely suggest waiting, especially if you're husband's not on board!!

marriedtomylobster · September 2009

I haven't read any of the other responses so sorry if I'm repeating someone.

I went through the same thing. I had the degree, the career, the ring, the house, I was ready for the next step. We had always said we'd wait, but I wanted a baby now! It didn't help that all my friends were pregnant or trying to get pregnant.

We talked about it, he wasn't ready.

I pushed myself into being super involved at work (I'm a high school teacher, so that was easy) I threw myself into becoming the best teacher I could be, and trying to remain friends with the people I knew who were TTC but also make friends with people who weren't trying. I also focused a lot on making my financial life the best it could possibly be so my future baby could have the best life possible (savings, debt management, etc.) as well as learning all I could about the process of TTC so I'd be as ready as could be when the time came. (I don't recommend buying books though, Lobster freaked out when he saw a "pre-conception" book on my nightstand.)

I'm not going to say I stopped thinking about having kids, but I didn't focus on it as much. It made things so much easier for me.

Now we're a little more than two years in and Lobster is ready... maybe more ready than I ever really was.

If we had tried before now, I know I would have regretted making him a dad before he was really ready. He could have possibly been less interested in the process of trying, being pregnant (not that we have been yet), and learning to be a dad.

Good luck. Stick around here, there's lots you can learn whether you start TTC tonight or in two or three years. I know I have.

babybluez_01 · September 2009

I understand where you are coming from. My DH and I just got married in June, but about a year ago I was ready to skip the wedding and go straight to baby making. He told me that he wanted us to wait to at least be married. So, to help me get through my baby fever phase, he got me a puppy! And now that we are married, we are TTC, since July. I do think you should talk to him and maybe you guys can agree on a time frame. Be patient with him and try to understand his side. It will be hard since you are so baby bound. HTH!! Have a great day!

minaa7 · September 2009

LifeInANutshell:
I'm afraid you have only two choices...
1. Grow up and learn to wait until your husband is ready
2. Start putting holes in the condoms...

hahhaha.. Smile My DH wanted to wait but after we sat down and had a serious talk he's gotten really excited to have a baby! Good luck Yes

wlknsnlrn · September 2009

My situation is a little different from yours in that my husband wanted a baby but not me. I came around to the idea within a couple months.

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