1st Trimester

How do you handle friends regarding your pregnancy talk?

This is an odd question. I'm 37 so most of my friends are in their mid-30s. I have a couple of friends trying for their second child. I have one friend who can't have kids at all. I have two old friends who have pretty much distanced themselves from me. I have another friend whose husband does not want kids.

So I have this group and none are pregnant. I feel odd. Like I want to talk about baby stuff/symptoms/worries, but I usually don't mention it unless they ask. We are on different stages in our lives now. So while I appreciate the bump, I do feel weird not having someone irl to discuss all this with.

And of course I discuss stuff with DH, but he is not the same as a girlfriend. Anyone in the same boat?

Re: How do you handle friends regarding your pregnancy talk?

  • imageannies123:

    This is an odd question. I'm 37 so most of my friends are in their mid-30s. I have a couple of friends trying for their second child. I have one friend who can't have kids at all. I have two old friends who have pretty much distanced themselves from me. I have another friend whose husband does not want kids.

    So I have this group and none are pregnant. I feel odd. Like I want to talk about baby stuff/symptoms/worries, but I usually don't mention it unless they ask. We are on different stages in our lives now. So while I appreciate the bump, I do feel weird not having someone irl to discuss all this with.

    And of course I discuss stuff with DH, but he is not the same as a girlfriend. Anyone in the same boat?

     


    [[Raises hand]] 

    I feel like that often.  

  • Mrs. Vick, I suppose there's really not an answer for us. I'm doing my best to not step on toes or make people upset about their own situation. But, it's tough.
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  • imageannies123:
    Mrs. Vick, I suppose there's really not an answer for us. I'm doing my best to not step on toes or make people upset about their own situation. But, it's tough.

     

    Ya, I hear ya. Its kind of takes some of the fun out of it when you dont have a GF to talk to about it.  

  • I have 2 friends that just had babies but we have a pretty hectic schedule so we don't hang out too much. I'm looking forward to taking a prenatal yoga class or something to meet more moms to be. Maybe there's something like that in your area?
  • Alice, that sounds like a good idea. thanks.
  • This is how I was with my first pregnancy -- and, actually, with my wedding too, since we were the first of our friends to get married. I actually had two old friends who were pregnant around the same time as me, but I had fallen out of touch with them. I didn't really feel like I was missing out, but it would have been nice to have someone to talk about it with IRL.

    I ended up reconnecting with one friend after our kids were toddlers, and now they're playmates and we're pregnant together again. I have another friend who had a baby in March, and I can't wait to tell her because now she knows what it's like too.

    I think the advice to join a prenatal yoga or other class is a good one if you really want to meet some mom friends.

    Emily 11.29.2007 | Kate 4.3.2010 | James 8.22.2013
  • I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm younger though (24), and most of my peers are just getting married (or still single), not having kids. Sometimes I wish I had someone to share this experience with.

    Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
  • imageAlicebean:
    I have 2 friends that just had babies but we have a pretty hectic schedule so we don't hang out too much. I'm looking forward to taking a prenatal yoga class or something to meet more moms to be. Maybe there's something like that in your area?

    I was looking forward to doing something like that when im further along and hoped to meet other women. 

  • I am the first of my close friends to get pregnant. I was also the first to get married, so I'm used to it.

     

    I'd rather talk to Dh about it anyway. I love my girlfriends to death, but I don't feel like I'm missing out by not sharing every random detail. I'm just not that type of person.

  • I can kinda relate to both sides.  I would never distance myself from a friend just because of my difficult experience, but when I had my miscarriage, even though I was happy for my friends when they talked about being pregnant, it was pretty darn hard!  Granted, this only happened about 2 months ago...so it is still pretty rough...but I think it's wise to be sensitive...and your being a good friend by doing so.  Not that they don't want to talk about it with you, but I think it's easier for them when they bring it up. 

     But, now that I am preggo again...I totally know what you mean about wanting to talk about it with a girl who understands.  But I definitely learned about sensitivity with what I went through.  I think there is a time and a place...and I think when you're in the situation, you'll know.  Plus, it's okay to be real with eachother.... after all...you're friends!

     

    Lauren

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  • I don't have any friends near me that are pg, but I do have one that just had her first bio son last May. I don't mind because I have friends who have had kids, so they understand. I would feel more alone if none of my friends were having kids yet.
  • I am kinda in the same boat right now. One of my friends at work is coming back from maternity leave next week, so once i spill the beans I know she and i will talk prego stuff a lot.
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  • imagehomebird:
    I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm younger though (24), and most of my peers are just getting married (or still single), not having kids. Sometimes I wish I had someone to share this experience with.

    I'm in this boat...I love the advice about joining a group or activity of some sort though. I may have to look into that myself!

  • imageIrishBrideND:

    I am the first of my close friends to get pregnant. I was also the first to get married, so I'm used to it.

     

    I'd rather talk to Dh about it anyway. I love my girlfriends to death, but I don't feel like I'm missing out by not sharing every random detail. I'm just not that type of person.

    this exactly, and I remember when my coworkers would get k/u and that's ALL they would talk about and I definitely wasn't at that stage yet it was SOO annoying.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • i am having a bit of a tough time as well. a group of 7 of us meet for dinner every other Tuesday....and of the 7, 1 had a mc a few mos. ago, 1 is undergoing a variety of surgeries and exams to determine what needs to be done if anything to help her get pregnant, the other has been trying unsuccessfully for the better part of the year, and another has been trying for her second for two years and noone can figure out what is wrong.

    i feel guilty, am sad for them and know its going to get worse.....i want them to experience it all....and yet it makes me so nervous that i will mc just because of the odds around here....

     

    thanks for posting on this! i needed to let it out.

  • I also take advantage of the bump, for the same reason.  Most of my friends have already had kids.  One is pregnant with me, but this is her second, so it's different for her.  And like you, I do have other friends who can't have kids or aren't in the position to do so now, though they'd really like to.

    I've really just tried to follow their lead.  I'm happy when they ask me questions, because this is the primary thing on my mind these days.  But it is also good to have some friends to discuss nonpregnancy related things with.  And then there's always the bump.

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