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RockaBettyKitten
member
HELP: MIL wants to be my lactation consultant
RockaBettyKitten
member
Help help help
I have a terrible relationship with my MIL. She is immature, controlling and possessive. She has been "invading" my life since DH and I started dating and now she wants to be my lactation consultant.
A little background. She IS a lactation consultant (LPN). My mom is an OB/GYN and will be delivering me. DH says that if my mom gets to deliver me, his mom should "get to" be my lactation consultant. But we don't get along at all. She does not respect my privacy and has flat out told me that she WILL be a drop-in grandma even though I have asked her to always call before visiting even now, but especially when baby is born in April.
Worst yet: She barged in on one of my emergency ultra sounds at the hospital even though I said No I didn't want her there.
How on EARTH do I keep her from taking over as my lactation consultant but without offending DH???? I was thinking that if I can read up all there is to know about BFing, maybe I won't need her? Maybe baby will just latch and all will be well?
HELP!!
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Re: HELP: MIL wants to be my lactation consultant
your boobs, your call.
Just tell your MIL that you appreciate her help- but you want to work on it alone for a bit and that you will be sure to call her when and if you need some guidance.
I'll give you another point of view. I did not have a relationship with my husband's stepmom. She's a fine person, but we have nothing in common, and neither of us had worked at building a relationship. When DS was 4 days old, SMIL and FIL visited us at home. I was having a terribly difficult time BFing my son; he wouldn't latch, he wouldn't wake up, he wasn't pooping. I was so scared. My SMIL, with whom I had no relationship, offered to help me with my son. (She had BFed three children.) I was scared enough to open up -- literally -- and let her help me. It didn't fix all of my BFing problems, but it was a real moment of bonding for us, and it helped me learn to be open to a lot of other sources of help and support.
I'm not saying this situation is the same as yours, but allowing her to help you might engender some real insights for you.
On the other hand... you can always tell her that, knowing how emotionally challenging BFing is, you'd prefer to get help from a more objective resource. Don't pin all your hopes on having no trouble BFing, because that's just not realistic for many women.
My nascent blog
This. Your boobs, your body. Find an LC and work with that person. DH and MIL will get over it.
This is where you get to become the mom, and make the choices. If someone doesn't like it, tough.
THIS!! BFing is hard, the last thing you need is a LC you are not 100% comfortable with.
I could have probably used help but haven't seeked it. So far we're doing great. I've had a different MIL issue. I will say this if the relationship isn't great now then if you give in on this it never will be and you will resent her. I resent the fact that my MIL didn't respect our wishes that we wanted it just us in the delivery room and watched from the door unknown to us until the next day!
More then likely since it sounds like she is going to be overbearing tough work will need to be made.
It's totally your call, and I wouldn't worry about offending your hubby about it. It's too important to get right, and he should be ashamed if he's trying to obligate you that way.
That said, my MIL has been invaluably helpful in getting Sammy and I pointed in the right direction, despite mutual discomfort with the idea at the start. She (my mil) was a LLL lady when she had hubby and was far more patient and understanding than the actual LC at the hospital. If it weren't for her help we'd have had to drive an hour and a bit to get to the nearest person not at the local hospital. And our relationship is markedly better now that we've been grown up women at eachother, rather than spatting.
This would probably have made me uncomfortable when I was pregnant. I think the girls responding that you need to reserve judgement are right.
I think you should find an LC, educate yourself, take classes from your hospital etc. But, think of your MIL as an additional resource and source of support. Honestly, those first couple of weeks at home are hard and having 24 hour access to someone with LC experience might be something of a relief. You will be able to call her without feeling badly, etc.
Ultimately, it is absolutely your decision and I wouldn't feel comfortable with my MIL doing what the LC's in the hospital do, but for guidance and support and at home if you do end up with a bad latch - it might be good to have her to help you.
Thanks everyone for your support. Somewhere deep inside I know what you have all been posting, I think I just needed to hear it. This woman has no sense of privacy (I can predict talks about let down and latching at Thanksgiving with DH's stoner brother listening). Also, she is a strangely sexual/sensual touchy-feely woman. I'm not one to shy away at a doctor's office, but she's the type that when she touches me, I cringe. She even joins in on hugs between me & DH...we were cuddling to keep warm at a baseball game and she joined in the hug, nestled in her head and said, "Ahhh isn't this nice?" (I kid you not!!!) So the idea that a PROFESSIONAL will be seeing my pink parts does not bother me. The idea of this whacko seeing them gives me the heebie jeebies. You know?
Now I just need to figure out how to put my foot down about it. If I should tell DH now that I have no intentions of going to his mom or if I should wait for it to play out. Augh!! Why can't we all just get along? LOL