1st Trimester

Anyone else's mom mad b/c you're waiting to tell?

We told both sets of parents last night at DH's birthday dinner and they were soooo excited! Today my  mom called and was like, so I know last night you said I couldn't tell anyone yet, when can I? And I told her we were waiting to tell other people until after the first tri and she was really kind of angry!

She was like, what?! I thought it would be a few days, not months! And I explained why we were waiting and she basically acted like we were being ridiculous. She even said, well maybe you shouldn't have told me yet then. She is not normally like this so I was very taken aback. Anyone else have this reaction from family?

with two cats

Re: Anyone else's mom mad b/c you're waiting to tell?

  • We haven't told anyone yet, but I'm kind of trying to avoid a situation like that. Like your mom, my mom isn't ever like that so I don't know how she would react but I also think she might be a little disappointed if we don't tell her until the 12th week. But it truly needs to be up to you & your husband, it's your news to share so you can do it whenever you want!! :-)
  • No my parents are fine with keeping it themselves, but I have one friend in particular who nags me all the time about when she will be able to tell ppl!  First, I wish I didn't tell her!  Second, its my news so back off! 
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  • My mom  is okay with waiting to tell but she say's she hates lying about it because since many people know my husband and I were trying, they are always asking. You and your husband should tell people when you are ready.
  • Yes my mom wasn't so much angry but climbing out of her skin to tell people. Half of the reason I think she wants to tell people is b/c she is super excited but the other half is b/c she loves to gossip.  This juice is too good for her to hold in hahaha So far she is doing well but I know its killing her to keep it a secret! I told her we will start telling more people after my first appt.
  • We are still ttc but DH and I have agreed to wait until the end of the first tri (or as long as possible) to tell anyone. I've told my Mom that and she got a little irritated with me b/c she wants to know ASAP and doesn't understand why she should have to wait like everyone else. Who knows what we will really do but I think I would just be a little timid to tell too many people so early. I can see where this is going to be a really hard decision.

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  • I know my mom can't keep a secret and that's why we're waiting to tell them until after our first appointment.
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  • I think it has  been difficult for my mom and MIL to keep the secret, but we only asked them to keep it for a month.  I told them if we could keep the secret from them for a month, they can keep it from others for a month.  So far I think they have stuck to it.
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  • Ha!  I just had an arguement tonight about this with my mom.  We have our NT scan on Friday and she wants to be able to tell her friends that day.  I want to make sure that I get the chance to tell some other people before she gets to them.  I am asking her to just wait a few days and she is annoyed!

  • Thanks ladies, glad I'm not the only one with this problem! I was just really surprised and a little upset. I mean it's just as hard for me to wait (if not harder!) I just wouldn't want to have to explain to EVERYONE I know if something happened! I told her it could be sooner but we weren't sure yet so we'd keep her posted. DH's parents seemed fine with the idea of waiting to tell, but this will be their 12th grandchild and my parents' first, so I guess it's a little different.
    with two cats
  • Your baby, your body, your news.

    Tell her to respect that you are an adult, and are making the decisions. She just needs to live with it.

  • My mom hasn't complained.... but i know she stood up in her first staff meeting and told her entire school. At least they're all strangers, she hasn't told anyone we know. On the other hand my MIL is being obnoxious about it. She just doesn't get it. She calls every other day asking if she can tell yet, and when we say no she asks when? as thought we havent' told her 20 times already that we're waiting till the end of september. It's annoying but I don't think she's mad just irritated.
    Lilypie - (JLjB)


  • That's why we didn't tell anyone.  Once one person knows, then everyone knows (parents are the worst..at least mine are).  Cat's out of the bag now....  I couldn't make them keep a secret like that.

  • ohh, I'm sorry - lame. I didn't have that problem (haven't told my fam about this pg yet) but with my 1st pg my mom flipped out because DH and I wanted to attend our big u/s and find out the sex just the two of us. She was so mad she couldn't be there like it was her right (my mom and I are not even close) - she holds it over my head and tries to whine about it every chance she gets.

    I hope your mom is just having trouble holding her excitement and apologizes for getting angry with you!

  • I am in the same boat... My folks are going nuts.  They think we are being silly for waiting!  Whatever!
    ~Married- 10.20.2007~ TTC Since- 4.3.2009 ~BFP#1- 8.25.2009 ~ Missed M/C and D&C-10.9.2009 ~BFP#2-8.12.2010 ~ EDD- 4.20.2011~ It
  • We told our parents pretty early on with our second PG. and we waited until we saw a HB at 7 weeks to let her tell people but she was begging me everyday to let her tell people. I told her she could but if anything happened, she would have to untell people.

    Well, since we lost that pregnancy and she had to untell people, I think she gets why we want to wait to tell people.

    We still haven't told our parents this time around yet.

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  • I think this would call for a "Mom, I know you're excited but please don't make me feel guilty for asking you to wait.  Lets have this be a happy time for everyone."

    But I also don't have a problem telling people I have a problem with them.  The direct approach seems to work for me.

    I suggest an honest approach in whatever way you feel most comfortable addressing it.

  • Tell her it's your body and your decision.  I would also tell her you were kind enough to share the news with her and had you known she would act so selfishly and immaturely, you wouldn't have been so quick to share;)  That oughta make her think twice!  Seriously, my MIL is trying to pull the same crap.  Acting pitiful b/c she can't tell her sister (DH's Aunt) until we reach the 2nd tri (who is drama queen and mouth of the south)...  It is so freaking irritating and disrespectful...  Especially seeing as we have had a few scares, and I am very particular about who we tell.  I almost want to make her wait until 15 weeks just to piss her off even more:)  tee hee!
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  • My mom's not that thrilled about waiting, but she's waiting. She's had to lie to a couple of family friends when they've asked her about any signs of a grandchild. She also acted like we were ridiculous for waiting to tell everyone, I always thought it was more traditional to wait 12 weeks! She said she's never heard of that. Oh well, the point is she's waiting, even if she's not happy about it. I'm only making her wait until 10 weeks.
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  • My mother in law was the same way.  When we finally gave her the go ahead to tell people if she wanted -- she went and posted on facebook.  Thanks MIL.  I haven't even said anything on facebook and my mom still hasn't told some of her relatives.  Facebook does not equal phone.  Grrr.  But yeah -- it can be a tough situation. 
    BFP #1 7/1/2009 ~ EDD 3/9/2010 ~ Ella Adeline (7lbs 4 oz, 19.5 inches) 3/5/2010 csection (39w3d)
    BFP #2 7/13/2011 ~ EDD 3/16/2012 ~Aubree Olivia (9lbs 1oz, 21 inches) 3/15/2012 VBAC (39w6d)
    BFP #3 5/15/2014 ~ EDD 1/16/2015~Addison Isabelle (9lbs, 0oz, 21 inches) 1/25/2015 2VBAC (41w2d)
    BFP #4 7/20/2016 ~ EDD 3/25/2017 ~ Malachi Mathew (10lbs 0oz, 22 inches) 4/4/2017 emergency csection (41w3d)


  • I bet she won't be able to hold on to the secret as long as you want her too. This is why we are not telling our parents until we want everyone to know. Our mothers are horrible secret keepers. Plus, we didn't really feel like it was fair to make them wait to tell.

    Good luck. It's a tough one.

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  • I think we have the same mother!  I didn't get this reaction to this situation because I did let her tell some people but it is 100% something that I could hear coming out of her mouth.  The whole dramatic "maybe you shouldn't have told me" is my mom to a T so I feel for you!
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • I am afraid of the same thing so i do not plan on telling anyone until the end of the first tri. It's really funny to me sometimes that people forget this is no about them! Good luck!
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  • Yes!  My mom calls me every couple of days to ask when she can tell other people.  I told her we just want to be sure that everything is okay....She says that she had two children and she told everyone right away and that everything was fine...

    Arggg....we haven't got into s fight about it yet.  But I'm a little concerned about our first ultrasound appointment tomorrow.  I know it's going to start again...

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