Got a tricky wedding situation, re: childcare
Bride2bMO
member
We have to attend a wedding that's about 70 miles away. It's a 5pm wedding followed by dinner reception. My ILs live in this town and they're urging us to bring DS, spend the night and let MIL arrange a sitter that DS has never met (it's a small town, and I'm sure the person would be well vouched for, but still).
DS is a stage 5 clinger -- he even cries half the time that DH holds him because he wants me. He is also a nursaholic and nurses to sleep except for 2 nights a week when I have class and DH rocks him to sleep. He has a semi-regular babysitter and even she has a tough time getting him to sleep sometimes.
So to take him to an unfamiliar environment and spend several hours with an unfamiliar person just seems like it will make for a very stressful night for DS. The only alternative I can think of is to leave him with a brand new babysitter in OUR home 70 miles away, as our regular sitter (as well as my mom) are booked. But if there was an emergency, or she even just happened to call and say "he won't calm down" it's a solid hour or more before we can get back to him. But at least he'd be in the comfort of his own house.
Unfortunately, I feel that I have to go to the wedding. If I could go back, I would decline in a heartbeat, but we said yes before we had childcare lined up (we never usually have a problem) and now we feel stuck.
To complicate matters further, DS hates the car with a passion. Last road trip I took was a normally 3 hour - turned 5 hour catastrophe that consisted of 4 hours of screaming and a 45 minute nap. So there's that, too.
What would you do, besides not be a moron like me and say no in the first place?
Re: Got a tricky wedding situation, re: childcare
Man, rereading my post I sound really uptight. I'm not normally. But I resent that MIL has this "what's the big deal?" attitude about it. She says "let us just get you a sitter so you can enjoy yourself." Well, I am very unlikely to enjoy myself knowing that my son is up past his bedtime crying with some stranger, you know?
And the ILs are invited to the wedding, too, in case that wasn't clear.
I think if it's someone whose wedding you feel like you "have to" go to, then they must be close enough to explain the situation to. That way, you can either bow out gracefully (best option, imho) or they'll say "Sure, bring the kiddo! We love screamers. Mac and Cheese or Chicken?"
I would lean towards not going. Unless it's your boss. Then you go and DH stay home!
Well, it's not someone I'm close to at all. It's some girl I've met once who's a family friend of DH's family. It's important to MIL, only semi-important to DH, and not important at all to me. I only feel stuck because the event is Sept. 12 and the RSVP date was over a month early, and we said yes at the time. So I only feel obligated in that "I wonder if they've already paid the caterers?" kind of way. I don't want to be that person, but I really want to skip.
Plus, in the time since we said yes, we have gone under contract to sell our house and have to be out by Sept. 30. If only we'd known at the time, that would've been a perfect excuse, because we really do need our weekends to pack so one person can entertain our wild little monkey of a son.
I agree. ?I would bring a babysitter with me and either set the baby and babysitter up at the church nursery or at MILs house. ?I wouldn't bring the baby to the wedding (it doesn't sound like you think that would be an option anyways). ?
Is it an option to have him at the reception? ?I think it is rude to bring a baby to a formal wedding without being invited to, but the reception seems like a reasonable place for a baby. ?Obviously not during toasts or first dance or something that would be videotaped and important, but it would be easy to go outside for a few minutes for that if baby hasn't fallen asleep by then.?
I would bring him to MIL and get the babysitter. If he's miserable, at least he's close and you could leave the wedding. DO NOT bring him or ask to bring him...it's rude if he wasn't invited and that's a crappy thing to do.
Side note: how have you (not OP, someone in the replies) NEVER gone anywhere without your kid?!?!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
In order of preference, here is what I would do:
1. Bow out, and give the excuse that you have to pack to move. Send a really nice gift.
2. Send DH and stay home with DS
3. Bring babysitter DS knows with me to MIL's house and have him babysat at MIL's house. You can leave if you need to.
Not a mother, but I think if I were in this position with a child your DSs age I would go with the MIL/baby sitter option and go to the wedding. You can't literally be with him 24/7 the rest of his life so you'll have to do this sooner or later, you may as well start when you have the option to leave if things are going really bad and not wait until you're in a position where you'll be "stuck". For your sanity moreso than his!
And I'm not your child, but I remember visiting my Grandma as a young kid and LOVING the baby sitter she would hire for us. She was my favorite ever and I always looked forward to our trips there to see her. And in general I was a baby sitters worst nightmare. But I was always a perfect angel for Grandma's sitter. So maybe you'll get lucky and he'll love her and have a great time!
He's too young to remember a favorite grandma or babysitter at this age. And as far as doing it sooner or later, he's not ready. Yes, someday he'll be able, but that someday is not in a few weeks. I bowed to pressure from my mother to leave him at her house overnight and he screamed every hour all night long. Poor kid was very upset the next day when I went to get him. You know what he's ready for and nighttime is a terrible time to experiment with new people and things. If it was a daytime wedding close to home, I'd say for it. The babysitter could distract him with activities, etc, but in the evening, he needs to go to sleep and feel secure.
I would send regrets and send a gift.
And you can leave right after dinner and go to him.....but I would probably just not go. Tell them LO has had some issues with new people, and there just isn't any way to get childcare that will work...apologize, send a gift, be honest. I would rather someone explain to me honestly than find out later that they lied. And maybe there is someone that can be substituted for you. I know for my wedding we had to give final number 1 week before the date - so there may still be time to get out of it before the couple pays the caterer...
No matter what a new sitter will be tough on your LO.
So if you decide to go the wedding and the bride/groom are not willing for you to take baby, then I think it's more important that you are nearby than your baby be in its own home.
In the event that a sitter rings and says I can't settle him, then you arriving quickly will be more comforting to him than a familiar room.
But that's just my hugely inexperienced opinion.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Really you expect your kids to be invited to every event you are?