Advice for pregnancy/dr visits after stillborn loss(?)

cmjv · August 2009

Hi,

My husband and I are newly pregnant after the loss of our daughter, at 37 weeks this past March. She was our first child, and no obvious cause found for her death. I was great through my entire pregnancy, no complications. I just didn't feel as much movement one day.. after some questionable non-stress tests earlier that week. We were in complete shock when they could not detect a heartbeat.

We are extremely excited about being pregant, yet I cannot help but be fearful! My first ob gyn appt is this Friday.. at 6 weeks. I also have a perinatologist appt. a week later. We are changing to different/ hospital doctor.. a group that comes highly recommended in our area.

Obviously, I am super cautious about everything... but are there any questions you feel I should be asking right away? What should I be looking out for with our new care? Any suggestons are appreciated!!

Thank you for your help!

surfergirl28 · August 2009

I have no advice, but wanted to say how sorry I am that you lost your first LO. Every time I hear a story like yours, it just breaks my heart. I wish we knew why LOs didn't make it sometimes.

BUT, congrats on your pregnancy! H&H 9 months to you.

lovesinthehouse · August 2009

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't even imagine. Congratulations though on your new pregnancy! I don't have any great advice, except a few mantras that I remind myself of:

"Your past does not dictate your future."

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles; it empties today of its strength."

csquared425 · August 2009

Welcome, and I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice, and but to say H&H9M to you.

Lanette · August 2009

I'm so sorry for your previous loss, but congratulations on your new pregnancy and I pray that you have a H & H 9 mos.

We had to switch Drs after our loss, due to the fact that my OB decided to stay home after her 3rd child and sold her practice to another Dr. I still have the same nurses and office staff which made things a little easier, but it can still be a little scary since I had been seeing my previous OB for almost 8 yrs. I can't tell you what questions to ask right away necessarily, but the best advice I can give is to talk to the new Dr about your history and be up front about your fears and apprehensions. I was with my Dr and she has been great at offering extra support: extra U/Ss, appts every 2 wks just to keep a closer eye on everything, several perinatal appts, and she even told me if I was worried just to call and they would work me in to take a quick look at or listen to our LO.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to obsess too much and GL!

BeckyS1211 · August 2009

I am so very sorry to hear bout the loss of your daughter...and congrats on the new babe!

Questions that I asked (I lost my son Noah at 22w) were: what is going to be different this time? What extra precautions will be done this time? Will I come in more? Will there be more u/s?. Can I come in regularly for h/b checks if I want?

The answers for me were things will be different. I get an u/s at every appt, I can go in anytime I want for hb checks, I will start NST around 26-28 weeks, and my bi-weekly and weekly visits will start earlier than normal. I will also be induced by 39weeks.

I wish you much luck and minimal anxiety. I would love to be here for you if you need someone who went through something sort of similar.

Becky

BeachBride72106 · August 2009

My best advice is be your own advocate. If your doctor is not supportive find another doctor (luckily mine is awesome). i agree with more appointments because it keeps you calmer between appointments. The advice on the mantras is also good. I will say being pg again after loss is very scary, but I was surprised it was also just as exciting. Congratulations and try and enjoy being pregnant again. (I know that can be easier said then done.)

mom2anangel · August 2009

I"m sorry for the loss of your daughter. It's been over 2 years since we lost our son and while it does get easier I don't think a day will go by that I won't think of him and what could have or should have been. Being pregnant again was very emotional for me - I first got pg about 5 months after I lost him and sadly that pg ended with an early miscarriage. About 3 months later I got pg again and went on to deliver a beautiful daughter who is now 7 months old. It was a very emotional time as I said before - I had some early bleeding with my pregnancy and ended up going in to the doctor earlier than I planned - he took me off work for a few weeks and that was hard too as I hadn't planned on telling work that early either. What I did though was talk to my doctor (I switched to a high risk doctor) from the first appointment (he already knew my background as he diagnosed my son at the big ultrasound) - I just made sure they would be ok if I became "that patient" who needed to come in weekly or more often. Right from the start he had us in every week for ultrasounds and then once I got further along I had weekly appts. but had u/s one week and just a doppler check the other week. Everything went great during my pregnancy after that initial scare of bleeding and once the baby was moving around I was feeling more confident about things but I still felt like I was on pins and needles. I will admit that I felt this way up until she was safely born and in my arms (and now it's a whole new set of worries). My doctor was great and his nurses and office staff were wonderful as well, I didn't call very often but when I did no one made me feel like I was crazy. I think it helped that I was at a high risk office - they are more used to patients with special circumstances. We are going to be trying again and while I am not considered high risk I know we are welcome back to that office and we will gladly go back. I think my advice to you is to be very honest with the office staff and doctor with what YOU NEED - if they can't accomodate then find somewhere else. It is a very stressful time and you need to find an office that will work with you, you are going to be anxious at times and that is to be expected. One thing I did not want to have to do was explain what we had been through, or justify anything to anyone about why I was a little emotional or whatever and I never felt that way once. GL to you for a H & H full term pregnancy.

cmjv · August 2009

Thank you all!

I love the mantras.. which I will print out as a reminder!

Also, I've printed all of your suggestions. I really appreciate it!

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Advice for pregnancy/dr visits after stillborn loss(?)

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