question about texting and your DH

njbride0603 · August 2009

so what would you do if you noticed quite a bit of texting to a certain number by your DH? A number you didn't recognize.......a number he's texting late at night or in the middle of the night.......

He's an extra line on my verizon account so all his calls/texts are right there when I log into our account and I noticed this number so I called it and its a woman.......its been going on quite a bit since the beginning of August.

Alli3586 · August 2009

Uh oh, have you seen what any of the texts say? I would try and find out what he was texting to this woman before confronting him. I hope nothing is going on.

RaphSandra2005 · August 2009

I would ask him who that was and what was so important they needed to text so often. I don't mess around with that stuff - I would nip it in the bud right away.

chasingamyandmatt · August 2009

I'd definitely try to sneak a peak at his sent messages. That's just me...

You can also try to do reverse lookup by phone number on whitepages.com, but they usually don't provide the name for cell numbers. GL!!

pkate98 · August 2009

oh no. That would feel unsettling......

exhausted_bride · August 2009

I would be extremely suspicious and either find out what was on the texts or confront him.

Good luck and I hope it's nothing.

njbride0603 · August 2009

the only way I could find out what they were saying is if I stole his phone. Regardless of who it is for there is no reason he should be texting some woman I dont' know at midnight! I just don't know how to go about confronting him without looking like a psycho or sounding like I'm accusing him of something. Even if there is nothing physical going on I think its inappropriate.

houndbaby · August 2009

I wouldn't accuse him of anything I would just ask whose number it is and see what he says. You can also check his phone and read the text messages.

LuLu38 · August 2009

I say this in the nicest possible way...........this does not sound good. You need to confront him. And, don't be too quick to accept his denial. I hate to think this, but I do. Really not good. I hope that I am wrong.

Quazel · August 2009

LuLu38:
I say this in the nicest possible way...........this does not sound good. You need to confront him. And, don't be too quick to accept his denial. I hate to think this, but I do. Really not good. I hope that I am wrong.

I hate to say that I agree. I would try to see what the texts say though, it will help you decide what to believe.

CelticWife · August 2009

If it were me I would just ask. Just bring it up casualy and see how he reacts.

Alli3586 · August 2009

This may sound bad, but I would really try to read some of the texts before confronting him. If you have no proof he could lie and then he will be on top of deleting them and you will never know. Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

actgrl22 · August 2009

I agree it doesn't sound good and if you can't get to his phone without him knowing to look at the texts (which he could have deleted anyway), I would just bring it up. Tell him you were looking at the account online and you noticed he was texting to a number quite a bit late at night and see where it goes. It wouldn't come across as psycho since you legitimately saw the number on the online account.

eowynmn · August 2009

Alli3586:
This may sound bad, but I would really try to read some of the texts before confronting him. If you have no proof he could lie and then he will be on top of deleting them and you will never know. Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

THIS!. If he's already texting someone at midnight, he's hiding something from you already. At least figure out what it is before he slicks over it, because clearly he's good at being manipulative if you had no idea about this before.

auslyn804 · August 2009

I think since you get a copy of the bill it is a legitimate question and you wouldn't look "psycho". I would definitely try to see the phone first because like pp said....if he denies anything you might need more info. I hope all is well. Sorry you are dealing with it.

Kilts_Kimonos · August 2009

Before you fly off the handle, and to me it sounds fishy, I used to text my coworker(a male) a ton.

vab1216 · August 2009

Ok can you think back on the dates and ask yourself..where were we? Were we together? That may help. Also, try to call the number again and see if you can get a voicemail to hear a name. I will play devil's advocate here.. what if it was his friend's number but when you called a woman answered.. like it was his friends gf or something?

njbride0603 · August 2009

if I knew her this probably wouldn't be much of an issue........did you text him in the middle of the night? He was out with his friends on Saturday night when he was texting her. I was home with our baby.

vab1216 · August 2009

njbride0603:
if I knew her this probably wouldn't be much of an issue........did you text him in the middle of the night? He was out with his friends on Saturday night when he was texting her. I was home with our baby.

Could a friend have borrowed his phone? I am just trying to cover bases of excuses he may give. I'm sorry this is happening =( The only way you are going to feel better about it, is if you ask. Have you ever had a problem like this before?

adamwife · August 2009

I would give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it's nothing, but bring it up casually in a conversation to see what is going on.

Pumpkin111 · August 2009

Be careful. I would try to catch his sneaky cheating ass. If he's not being open about this insane behavior.. he's lying in some way or another so in my book - cheating.

You are going to scare him off from that behavior and push him to do it in a more secretive way like texting on the computer and you can't track that.. Get some sneaky software on your computer or stay up late and catch him doing it or something.

Be prepared though.

I am so sorry this is happening. Mother effing jerk. I am sick for you.

peanutontheway · August 2009

This is almost EXACTLY how I found out my XH was cheating. Don't confront him. Wait until you have absolute proof. See the text messages. Wait until he's in the shower and look at his phone. If you confront him now without proof he could get defensive and start deleting all the messages and being secretive and making it all seem like you're crazy.

It for sure sounds like something fishy is up. If you confront him now without proof he could play it all off as you being paranoid.

Good luck.

Sunny1inTucson · August 2009

Pumpkin111:

Be careful. I would try to catch his sneaky cheating ass. If he's not being open about this insane behavior.. he's lying in some way or another so in my book - cheating.

You are going to scare him off from that behavior and push him to do it in a more secretive way like texting on the computer and you can't track that.. Get some sneaky software on your computer or stay up late and catch him doing it or something.

Be prepared though.

I am so sorry this is happening. Mother effing jerk. I am sick for you.

I agree. Yes, communication is an issue and I generally agree that this needs to be discussed in the open. But at the same time, there is a very real possibility he will lie anyway if indeed this is what we suspect it might be. In which case, you will still be doubtful...the trust has been shaken. I would try to see what some of the texts on his phone are. If you can't figure that out - then I guess confront him about it to see what he says.

I'm really sorry about all this

Pumpkin111 · August 2009

Also... if he's utilizing one form of technology to communicate.. he's using another.. get into his email, myspace, facebook. hubby and I know each other's passwords and are open books to one another.

If he doesn't easily give this info up... he's hiding something.

I'd schedule counseling (for you your self or you both as a couple) first thing tomorrow morning so you can be prepared.

ETA: I just read your OP to my husband and his only response was: "Not good."

I am pming you.

kelbrian · August 2009

Can you call your phone company and have them print off pages of his text messages?

I'm sorry. I hope it's nothing. But if it is, you need to have proof to catch him in it.

summrbride2006 · August 2009

I say find out as much as you can on your own before confronting him. Look through his cell phone and email if you can. He WILL LIE when you confront him if he is cheating so get as much proof as you can first. And then he'll still lie... I've been there and it SUCKS!!! PM me if you need any advice. GL girl.

mrs.bridgettkay · August 2009

Unfortunately, I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. I would also try to see what he's texting but chances are he's one step ahead of you and deleted the messages. In that case you wonder what made him feel he needed to delete them. Also, if you give him the benefit of the doubt and this girl is just a friend I think his action are inappropriate for a relationship. What may start out as an innoncent friendship can spiral out of control fast. And if he is talking with a girl you don't I would expect him to clue you in. I don't even talk with my girlfriends that late so I find his behavior very odd and fishy. I hate to say it but it doesn't give me a good gut feeling reading it. Good luck and keep us posted!

tarebear9891 · August 2009

Regardless of if he is cheating with her or not it is inappropriate for him to be texting her so much and in the middle of the night. If it was nothing he would have told you about her and what the messages are about. You have every right to see what the messages say and he might try to turn it on you if you look and see but that would be guilt talking. I'm sorry this is happening to you...really I am! But don't let him walk all over you.

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