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Pregnant after 35
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How do you handle friends regarding pregnany stuff?

annies123annies123
in Pregnant after 35

This is an odd question. I'm 37 so most of my friends are in their mid-30s. I have a couple of friends trying for their second child. I have one friend who can't have kids at all. I have two old friends who have pretty much distanced themselves from me. I have another friend whose husband does not want kids.

So I have this group and none are pregnant. I feel odd. Like I want to talk about baby stuff/symptoms/worries, but I usually don't mention it unless they ask. We are on different stages in our lives now. So while I appreciate the bump, I do feel weird not having someone irl to discuss all this with.

And of course I discuss stuff with DH, but he is not the same as a girlfriend.

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Re: How do you handle friends regarding pregnany stuff?

  • ToshaGirlToshaGirl member

    We haven't told anyone yet, but I am in a similar boat. With the exception of one, none of my friends (my age) have kids, or are pregnant.

    For me, I am just thankful for the bump. 

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  • annies123annies123
    Cath, yeah, I said on 1st tri board that I guess there's not really an answer. I'm just trying to be careful with all of them, but it's tough. I too am thankful for the bump.
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  • ToshaGirlToshaGirl member

    I look at the future a bit, and wonder how it will be with some of my closest friends. Having a child will change some of those relationships, no matter how close we are now.

    I guess there's no avoiding that. 

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  • pinkysunpinkysun
    I am the only person in my family and among my friends who is pregnant.  They have all been very supportive, but I know what you mean.  Especially for those who can't have kids, they have been the least excited.  The farther along you get they will start asking more questions and get more excited.  It isn't a lack of interest on their part, I have just found that the more you are showing the more they realize that you are having a baby! 
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  • &&&&

    I am in a totally different boat.  All of my friends are already finished having kids (their oldest children are 7 & 8!!).  So I feel left out in a different way.  Like I am still playing catch-up...  To add to all of this, we are hoping to have 3 or 4 kids, so looks like I will be going this alone for the most part.  Except for all of you awesome women on the bump of course!!  Smile

    But I do miss having girlfriends to talk to about this kind of stuff in person~

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  • Katiedid1806Katiedid1806

    Most of my friends have children who, at the youngest, are 10 years old. The oldest is 23. Not exactly in the same point on the map, are we? still, i talk to them about things. I also have a neighbor who has a 3yo. She is younger than I am, I think around 34 or 35, but close enough to just chat. I remember relying heavily on the Bump (well, it was the Nest back then) for my first pregnancy.

    Maybe try getting into a prenatal yoga group or something and meet some other pg women in their 30's near you?

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  • outofcntrl82outofcntrl82

    I have a mixture of friends who are done having kids, still working on it, and not even married yet.

    I am just very superstitious and the only people I really talk to about my pregnancy is my family and my BFF. I cant bring myself to tell anyone until I am much further along and I've gotten most of my results back from the prenatal tests.

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  • UTKDUTKD
    SIL, a good co-worker friend of mine, and BFF had babies in the past year.  BFF is TTC with her second child.  DH has 2 friends who are PG.  So, there are plenty of ladies I could bond with.  However, I choose to discuss my PG only with BFF.  BFF is the only person who knows I am PG other than DH.  It is too early to tell anyone else. 
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  • Laura CochranLaura Cochran

    I'm very lucky in that regard. 2 of my best friends recently had babies and my BFF is expecting her first in November. So I have a lot of faith that our friendships are going to be cemented to be even stronger as we go throught his together and it is great having them to talk to about it.

    I do have a few friends who do not and most likely will not have children either through choice or circumstance and I worry about those friendships. I try not to say anything about LO when I'm with them unless they ask but that will be a lot harder when she is taking up all of my time. 

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  • maschmidt16maschmidt16

    I hear you. I seem to be in the middle. Some friends already have kids and some are still not at that stage, yet. My BFF has 14-month old. She's been helpful but really overbearing so I have a hard dealing with her at times.

    On the end of the spectrum, one of my close friends is having tough time time right now. She just lost her job, she's in a relationship with an older man who has grown children and no intention of having any more (and had the surgery to ensure that). She's been on the fence about having kids but the option is now completely off the table if she stays with him. I try not to talk too much about my pregnancy with her unless she asks. It's tough because it is an exciting time for me but I feel I can't share with her.

    Someone mentioned pre-natal yoga. I have found that to be a wonderful source of support (other than the Bump, of course). It's nice to be with other women that are at the same stage as you are. I can't wait to get together after our babies. It will be strange see them with their non-pregnant bellies!

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  • Sunsh1neSunsh1ne member

    I honestly believe that relationships/friendships evolve.  Just because the women you are closest with now are not in the same stage of life, you shouldn't feel alone.  I am lucky to have a running partner who is 6 weeks ahead of me, so since we spend a lot of time together on runs, we can share experiences.  But if I didn't, I would start enrolling in some classes.  A friend locally started a baby boutique and they offer so many classes.  When my running partner had her first, she met a great group of women all expecting their first child through one of the classes.  So I would look into that.  Also, I think if you start taking things like prenatal yoga classes, you will also meet other pregnant women.

    Keep your old friends, of course.  But I think if you make an effort, you can find pregnant women locally to share your experiences with.

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  • Bride2b2004Bride2b2004 member
    We haven't told anyone and don't plan to until 13w.  But even with DS I found that I had very few people IRL to talk to about pregnancy.  Casual mentions here and there, but really, the only people that really care to hear about pregnancies in any detail are other pg women.  That is probably as it should be and I think of it as a way to keep me well-rounded and not baby focused all of the time!  =)
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