LGBT Parenting

Telling immediate family

About how long has everyone waited (or plan to wait) to tell immediate family like parents and siblings?

Our closest friends already know - and of course my internet peeps Smile, but I'm just looking at the calendar trying to plan our next visit to my family (they live an hour away) and work it around when we'll tell them.

I was thinking right after our first midwife appt (I'll be 8 weeks).

It's always nice to poll the audience and see what everyone else does Wink

Mrs._F
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer

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Re: Telling immediate family

  • Well let's see...

    K told my parents at 7 weeks.  We might have waited longer but since K was in CA and could do it in person we felt that was more important than waiting.  This is my parents first grandchild and I knew having that moment with K would mean something to them.  I'll likely tell my brother after the NT scan or the beginning of the 2nd tri.

    K's family - well only one of her sisters know.  She was coming to visit at just past 5 weeks and of course I wouldn't be drinking. Plus she's K's best friend so it made sense.  The rest of her family still doesn't know.  The current plan is for me to show up in October at 16 weeks along and tell (or show) them. I'm leaving that up to K but for now she likes that plan because it puts me in the hot spot - lol!

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  • We told about week 13 or so.  We had some issues in the beginning which had totally resolved by that time and the docs all felt good about the pregnancy.  It was early enough that it didn't feel like a hold out - but late enough that we felt pretty secure about the pregnancy.
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  • If we try again and it works we will wait until after first tri to tell just about everyone with exception of my mom.

    I would need and want her support and for her to be a part of things from the beginning. Everyone else can find out when I show up with a baby, LOL! 

  • Assuming I'm not having bad MS, we're going to tell them at the end of the first tri. C's parents...I'm not sure. She wants to show up w/ the baby but I need to talk her out of that :)
  • Sylvia and I are handling telling completely differently. Sylvia told her mom and several close friends of hers pretty early (6 wks?), and told her daughter and the rest of the family (her siblings, her daughter's sisters) at about 8 weeks. Since then she's told four more friends. She is just so excited and wants to share; I hardly realized how many people she'd told before I asked her to cool it for a little bit.

    I, on the other hand, have been very cautious about who and how many people I tell. I told one of my brothers and his wife (my awesome SIL) at 6 weeks because they have been very supportive of us as a couple and also because I was having to postpone a trip to come meet their twins (who are 5 months old now). After considerable debate, I ended up telling my parents last week at 9w4d. Those 4 people are the only people I've told. I'll probably tell my other siblings (I have 4 other brothers) and close friends when we're in the 2nd tri.

    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
  • our parents were aware of what was going on and we were keeping them really current, so we told them right away. our sisters knew we were trying and were following along on my blog, so we told them before i posted the results there. as far as our friends go we were pretty open about what was going on the whole time, so while we didn't announce it right away but we told people as they asked--but also made it clear that it was early and we were being very cautiously optimistic.

    my brothers live out of town with their families, and my parents told them in person the weekend after we found out, i believe...

    we didn't tell her brother until two weeks ago. for various reasons.

  • imagethiswillbe:

    After considerable debate, I ended up telling my parents last week at 9w4d.

    How did that go?  I know you were a bit nervous. 

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  • I think I am just overthinking things - as is usual for me.  I'm glad that our closest friends now - they knew we were trying as well.

    And I feel good about our decision to wait to tell C's parents until they visit us in mid-October - we would tell them sooner, but we know that they are going to be thrilled (they have been bugging us to have kids practically since we met!), and know it will be worth it for us and for them to tell them in person.

    With my parents - I don't know.  We just saw them this weekend and kept our lips zipped.  We see them every few weeks - if we wait until after our 1 st appointment, that's on the 21st, so I would just wait to see them until then.  I feel like I want to tell them early so that they don't feel left out, and I know it will be hard and feel weird not telling them. At the same time, I'll only be 8 weeks then, and if heaven forbid something were to happen...I would be fine with them knowing about that - but then that would make them know we were ttc for the second time, you know?  We could wait until after we tell C's parents, but then, again, it feels like leaving them out.

    See? TOTALLY over thinking.  I'll talk with C about it some more tonight.

    Mrs._F
    sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer

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  • imageTwo*True:
    imagethiswillbe:

    After considerable debate, I ended up telling my parents last week at 9w4d.

    How did that go?  I know you were a bit nervous. 

    It actually went okay. I have a lengthy recap in my blog (I didn't want to forget it), but overall it went somewhat better than I expected.

    My worst fear was that they wouldn't ask any questions at all, and that didn't happen. My mom grilled me for almost an hour and asked a lot about the details, which surprised me. I didn't get a good read on where things might go from here, but it definitely was a decent start.

    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
  • imageMrs._F:
      I feel like I want to tell them early so that they don't feel left out, and I know it will be hard and feel weird not telling them. At the same time, I'll only be 8 weeks then, and if heaven forbid something were to happen...I would be fine with them knowing about that - but then that would make them know we were ttc for the second time, you know?  We could wait until after we tell C's parents, but then, again, it feels like leaving them out.

    All of this makes sense, and these are the same sort of concerns I had to think about. One thing that pushed me over the edge to tell my parents was that my therapist asked me "are these babies real to you?" to which I of course answered "yes, very!" Afterward when I was thinking about it, I realized that I wouldn't ever want to deny the treasured existence of my children. Even if it meant opening a door with my parents that I would not be able to close again (i.e. them knowing we want bio children).

    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
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