family shower = drama
nickicl
member
Why is it that when I first announced I was pregnant everyone was so excited talking about throwing me a shower and now that its close to time to begin planning they are all ready to back out if they can't have it their way. Let me explain what I mean by having it their way. Since my husband and I both have small families (at least local family) I *suggested* that it might be nice and easier to plan if we ust have one shower. Well here's a very brief description of the issues.
My best friend has backed out of any involvement.
My gma + aunt on one side want to host at their home.
My other aunt wants to host at her home. She hosts many events at her home and I would never say this out loud but I hate it, she never has enough seating and the couch is just old, dirty and gross. She is mad that my gma suggested doing something different.
My MIL wants to host at her home. Her home is actually nice with plenty of space. However, she is only available like 2 days in the next 3 months because she is too busy with church every Sunday for the rest of the yr. She asked my husband and I to rearrange our scheduled to accomodate Saturday shower in early Oct. well we have two events on these days that are annual (one his my DH's work picnic). We can't rearrange that you either go or not.
I just want to say to them will you all please grow up and work together and leave me and DH out of the middle of it. This brings back memories from the drama at my wedding showers 5 yrs ago. Both sides of the family has a history of being less than considerate of the so-called guest of honor. This includes scheduling, food choices etc. At this point all I ask is for a place and time to be set that is within reason or not at all!
Anyone have similar issues or any advice on the topic?
Re: family shower = drama
I would just say,"thanks for offering to host a shower, but it's really not up to me to plan all the details, so I'm really happy with whatever gets decided as long as the dates work. I thought it might be easier to do one shower, but if it's not then again feel free to work it out amongst yourselves"
I don't think you get to complain about some of the plans they are making eg. Aunt's nasty couch and then in the next breath complain that "I just want to say to them will you all please grow up and work together and leave me and DH out of the middle of it."
If I was your friend I would have backed out too.Working with family who really don't seem very accommodating is not my idea of fun. It would just feel like too many cooks and I would leave the family to it.
If people keep bringing problems to you have a stock answer of, "you'll need to discuss that with...have you got her phone number?"
Good luck.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
ITA. Stay out of all the decision-making except for the date, which of course needs to accomodate the expectant parents.
If your wedding showers had drama, then why did you expect anything different with your baby shower(s)?
If your wedding showers had drama, then why did you expect anything different with your baby shower(s)?
Wow way to be encouraging!
You are right I don't need to be in the plans but honestly there most people might be quiet and polite about it (as I have been because I only said it to the Bump!) but I think every woman wants to have a nice event and not spend the day sitting around in some place that is dirty and has bad food.
I agree with you on the last part and DH has told me that he told his mom precisely this but she ignores and calls him back. She won't even call me directly to find out availability for some reason? I think we are finally narrowed down to a date so its either on or its not whatever.
I expected nothing different which is why I first responded when put on the spot and caught completely off guard with a strange look on my face followed by "um.. I'm not really sure."
At the wedding shower my aunt (who is only 5 yrs old than me so more like sister in age) made some rude comments about another friend of mine who was not showing up and why did I even ask her to be in my wedding and when I said something back of course it escalated so she was mad at me the entire time! This is typical drama for my family.
I have actually mentioned on several occasions I'm not sure I want to do this. I just. .its really sad I think. . that I can't have normal relationships with my family.
I don't know but - it sounds like you have a lot of people who love and support you despite all the drama. I wish I had people tripping over each other to throw me a shower....the only suggestions that I have other that what the other PPs suggested are a) throw the baby shower yourself or b) don't go to the company picnic (who likes going to those things anyway) and do it when your MIL can. GL.
I wasn't trying to be discouraging it's just your OP is sending mixed messages. You clearly are uncomfortable with your Aunt's house as a venue, and I'm not judging you for that. So it seems you do want to have a say in how the shower is going to pan out. But then you say you don't want to be in the middle of the Drama and decision making.
So I guess I was trying to get to, which is most important to you? Staying out of drama or having the venue of your choice.
If you'd asked, "how can I avoid the shower being at my Aunt's house?" I would have made a different suggestion.
I stand by my comment about your friend. If I was put in that situation, I would, rightly or wrongly, bow out.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Well, thanks for your input. I guess it is all hard to explain on a discussion board.
My friend backed out prior to any family drama or contact. I would guess it is because she doesn't feel like she has the time or money now that she has started school.
I suppose I am lucky to have so many people interested in throwing a shower. I am the only person in my entire family in my generation. I'm an only child and my only cousins are 9 and 6 so I guess this probably has something to do with it. Unfortunately, I've gotten the impression that for some this is more of their opportunity to cater to their own interests such as showing off their homes + money (my MIL) or my aunt wanting to stay at her house because its just easier than putting her two kids in a car seat (this was actually said once).
Ideally, if I was throwing a shower, then I would want mom- and/or dad-to-be to have some optional involvement, like a consultant ("What do you think of ?"). But I don't think they should be on the hook accountable to figure the event out and smooth over issues. When I throw parties I'm always thinking about my guests having an enjoyable time, especially guests of honor. I guess I just have high expectations. I'm not sorry for that since I hold myself to those standards as well and I have a professional job because of it.