I wish I was happy

k827 · August 2009

I want to be happy but I dont know how to get there. After yesterdays events and a my girlfriend telling me " you just need to move on"...I just feel so alone. Im really trying to enjoy this break but all I can think about is how it will prolong getting pg that much more. And honestly I dont even think about getting pg at this point.

I've lost all hope and a "normal" sence of what life is suppose to be like.

I feel like everytime in the past where i've had a goal that i wanted to achieve i just achieved it. I did whatever it was that i had to do to get there. I dont have that option in IF land.

I dont even really know what im trying to say...I just dont feel internally happy and I feel guility because I have so much to be thankful for..

ashlyrose · August 2009

I'm so sorry. ((hugs)). I have been on many breaks too & it seems like they will never end & they keep dragging & dragging on. I wish I could be all positive but IF sux & puts a huge toll on our self esteem & how we look at life in general. It's not fair at all. It's something as a woman, when we can achieve our goal, that we get down on ourselves about it. This is a "challenge" for all of us to beat. You can't let it take you down.

smilee · August 2009

Well, honey, you have been through a lot. I think feeling unhappy is , well, somewhat normal- but now you need to figure out how to help yourself.

You are doing good things for yourself by getting back to the gym. I have to tell you, my journey to lose weight is what saved me after my miscarriage. It gave me something else to focus on and it made me happy that for once, my body was actually doing something I asked of it.

Also, have you thought about going to talk to someone? Sometimes things are just bigger than we can handle on our own, and there is no shame in asking for help.

Good luck... and I really hope you are getting towards feeling better soon.

Mainer-in-Texas · August 2009

I feel the exact same way. It freaking sucks. I started seeing a therapist who specializes in IF. I've only gone to her once so far, and I can't say if it made me feel better, but I am looking forward to my appointment this week.

Dragonfly1226 · August 2009

I'm so sorry. I hate the way IF changes everything. Don't feel guilty for the way you are feeling right now. You may have a lot to be thankful for, but that doesn't take away your right to be sad over IF right now. Take care of yourself. (((((hugshugs)))))

hopeful34 · August 2009

Right there with you at this point. I'm on a break to save for ivf....I am still holding out hope that i will get pg on our own as i am apparently unexplained (no such thing..just haven't figured out what's wrong yet..lol)

I have been very depressed these past 2 wks...it's hard to get out of a slump once your in it.

Hang in there..try to keep yourself busy. That's what i plan on doing...hope it works!!

tapgirl · August 2009

k827:

I feel like everytime in the past where i've had a goal that i wanted to achieve i just achieved it. I did whatever it was that i had to do to get there. I dont have that option in IF land.

This is exactly how I explained my feelings about IF to a friend of mine not too long ago. It is so frustrating when you are doing everything "right" and nothing works. It sucks having so little control over the end results.

I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but all I can say is that what you are feeling is normal and that I hope things get better for you soon. (((hugs)))

amc_banana · August 2009

I understand how you feel. I am sorry your friend said that too you. It seems like we as IF woman have to educate those who don't get "it". When I went through my time of these kinds of feelings so strongly that I became depressed, I had to force myself to pretend I was happy until it became I could be happy. Of course I still have these feelings, but just try to stay positive. Take care of yourself. And take sometime for yourself!

bcbuttons · August 2009

I'm so sorry, these awful feelings we all have make everything worse. Don't you just want to run away and hide sometimes. I was telling a friend of mine that IF isn't like other struggles, b/c it's totally out of our control. It's not like having a goal of running a marathon where you can make it happen the harder you try. We can't motivate ourselves by saying, "you can do it! try harder!" it's all about hope.

jehnm · August 2009

I have said almost the exact same words you typed to both my DH and my mom in the last month. It's the weirdest thing because I am pretty happy with my life, but at the same time, I'm not really HAPPY like I remember being before we started TTC and found out we couldn't. We just keep going and struggle to keep the hope alive!

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