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3rd Trimester
JenniferTCU
member
Do you have older kids? Need some advice please.
JenniferTCU
member
I need some advice please. I have two stepdaughters- 6 and 8. The 6 year old will eat anything (and doesn't have a weight problem). The 8 year old is the pickiest eater on earth (and is looking quite chunky despite being involved in several sports).
The 8 year old will eat the following:
Lunchables (just the cheese, crackers and dessert- no meat)
Turkey pepperoni - this one took me forever to accomplish
Homemade pizza with turkey pepperoni
Cheese Pizza
Steak (but only this one certain kind) ::eyeroll::
Spaghettios
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal
Grilled Cheese
Chex Mix
And any carb under the sun
I am at my wits end.
Tonight we made ground turkey tacos. They were awesome. We told her she had to try the turkey- just one bite. She refused. DH told her that if she didn't take one bite, she couldn't eat anything else tonight. Again, refused. We told her no DS, no computer and no TV tonight. Still refused. I am thinking that she thinks her dad will cave (as he does often). Tonight, no caving. I've put my foot down. We get the girl 3 nights a week while the ex gets them 4 nights a week.
DH's ex does not enforce healthy eating so I have no idea how I am supposed to do that when any headway I make is demolished next time she comes over. I can't even slip something into her food because it's all so white and she picks through it all.
Any advice? I am beyond frustrated.
The 8 year old will eat the following:
Lunchables (just the cheese, crackers and dessert- no meat)
Turkey pepperoni - this one took me forever to accomplish
Homemade pizza with turkey pepperoni
Cheese Pizza
Steak (but only this one certain kind) ::eyeroll::
Spaghettios
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal
Grilled Cheese
Chex Mix
And any carb under the sun
I am at my wits end.
Tonight we made ground turkey tacos. They were awesome. We told her she had to try the turkey- just one bite. She refused. DH told her that if she didn't take one bite, she couldn't eat anything else tonight. Again, refused. We told her no DS, no computer and no TV tonight. Still refused. I am thinking that she thinks her dad will cave (as he does often). Tonight, no caving. I've put my foot down. We get the girl 3 nights a week while the ex gets them 4 nights a week.
DH's ex does not enforce healthy eating so I have no idea how I am supposed to do that when any headway I make is demolished next time she comes over. I can't even slip something into her food because it's all so white and she picks through it all.
Any advice? I am beyond frustrated.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Do you have older kids? Need some advice please.
I have one of those starch loving picky kids. I agree with pp that you need to just stick with it and tell her she eats what you've made or offer her one other healthy choice. Something like a raw veggie platter with a little bit of fat free dip. If she feels she has a choice she may be more inclined to eat one or the other.
And if you do want to sneak vitamins in her, you can do that several ways as well. Healthfood stores will sell powdered vitamins that you can slip into drinks or on food, even white foods. My kids prefer the gummi bear vitamins.
Do take a deep breath though, because even my pickiest eater did eventually come around and start trying new things. Now he eats me out of house and home
i have a 12 year old stepdaughter that is picky too. although she is very slim and a healthy eater, just picky (like she will not eat anything if it touches something else)!
i think the approach you are taking is too harsh. i guess i am the only one. she is getting to an age that is going to become VERY difficult. you will never be mom and she will start to use this as a reason to resent you. i would keep setting a healthy eating example with your dinners and maybe make something more borderline for her (will she eat a baked potato with cheese?)
this way she will know that you are really caring that she enjoys her dinner but also setting an example that you and hubby choose to eat healthy. the hope is in years to come she will come around and follow your example. this is not an overnight process, but children do eventually follow suit
Thanks ladies. She finally ate two tiny bites of the turkey meat as well as her tortilla (the tortilla was no problem). She said she didn't like it but you could tell that it was more of a defiant thing than anything. I think next time she will be closer to coming around. She's now in the gameroom slurping down a scooby doo yogurt (I forgot that on the list of things she will eat).
DH has tried to talk to the ex. Sadly she's given up. She has a fourth kid on the way and can't even be bothered to bathe the girls most days.
DH held firm tonight. I am proud of him. This is just such a struggle.
It does sound quite harsh but after over two and a half years of this struggle, we are at the end of our rope. We've tried everything. Fortunately holding out finally worked tonight. I think the fact that DH has given in so many times before made her feel he would again. When she saw an hour had passed and he hadn't, she was willing to try it.
I have an 11-year-old stepson and I don't think you're being harsh AT ALL. You need to nip that behavior in the bud or she'll be a picky eater for life, which is not a good quality. My SS isn't a picky eater in the least, but if I were in this situation, I would put my foot down, but would make sure that the rules came from DH and not myself.
I usually pull DH into another room and tell him what I think should happen and if we agree, he is the one to present and enforce 'the law'. I never say a word about it. That way, it's not coming from me and therefore cannot be met with the argument 'you're not my mom so I don't have to listen to you.' Not that I don't discipline SS every now and then, but the vast majority of it comes from DH because he is the bio parent.
I totally agree with this. But, I'll also say that we make an effort to make things that we suspect SD will like when she's here. She's picky, but not as picky as yours. She likes all the things on your list (especially lunchables) plus we buy these little broccoli and cheese things in the frozen foods section (they're packs of four one-serving sized things) that she really likes. And, we keep a ton of chicken nuggets in the freezer. We do homemade pizza (she helps), tacos (hers are only meat and shell), spaghetti and meat sauce (she just likes this), etc. She also likes baby carrots and ranch.
Honestly, she's probably testing you more than anything. When DH and I first got married this was the kind of thing SD would freak out over to see if she could turn us against each other. Luckily, I have a great DH who really backed me up and SD realized it wasn't going to work. We all get along great now and she knows what I say goes and the same with her dad.
I don't think any of this (my relationship with her, her dad, and all of us together) would work if DH and I weren't such an unbreakable team in front of her. It certainly wasn't working very well before we got that established. It sounds like your DH backed you up tonight, which is great, but also it sounds like maybe he doesn't do that all the time, which sucks. Believe me, I know. It took a lot of work for us to get to this point. PM me if you like...my first year as a step-mom was awful.
I applaud your DH for sticking to his guns. As long as you both are in agreement on rules at your house, that is all that matters. If your stepdaughter is allowed to eat whatever she wants at her mom's house, that is beyond your control. The worst you could do is cater to her unhealthy eating habits.
I have a 4 year old son that eats anything. I have a 11 year old daughter who wishes the 4 basic food groups were: candy, eggs, cheese and sugary cereal.
It's a constant struggle but, if she doesn't eat what is prepared, then she just might go to bed hungry. It won't hurt her.
Hi sweet Kari! Nice to "see" you! Hope all is well with you
Hi Jen!
I think all the ladies gave great advice and just wanted to add that I think it is wonderful that you care so much about your Stepchildren and want the best for them - this isn't always the case and I am sure that they will so appreciate you and realize how lucky they are one day!!
hang in there!!
It's rough. My 5 year old is picky too. Mostly, it's ground meat he won't eat well or grilled chicken. I think it's a texture thing for him.
He's good with fruit and veggies so I kind of let some things go because I am happy with the fruit and veggies and I am not a big meat eater myself. I try to introduce one or two things per week that he either hasn't tried or doesn't like and I make him eat it or eat a certain portion of it. I don't do it daily because I don't feel like fighting with it every day or have him dread meal time. Slowly, we are finding more things he will eat. GL!
This, totally.
This.
If she's only with you guys three days a week anyway, she needs to eat what's on the table, end of story. She won't starve by any means, and eventually, when she realizes she won't get her way, she'll cave. She can complain all she wants that you guys "don't feed her" (which, btw, know that will be a tactic she will use with her mother!), but her little sister will be able to back you guys up that, indeed, food is offered, and it is healthy, she's just opting out- not your fault. Just be careful about turning it into a power struggle- I wouldn't even say anything about it anymore- no more coaxing, no more discussion. Just set the food on the table, fill a plate for her and place it in front of her, and carry on.
The worst things you can do for picky eaters is punish them by depriving them of food, ie, "if you dont eat this now, you're not eating anything later" or bribing them with something they like, ie "if you try this, you can have that"...
Both of these situations cause children to view food as something other than nourishment. These mentalities cause binge eating, secretive eating, overeating and a myriad of other issues with food; certainly not to mention obesity & eating disorders.
For picky eaters, use the food they like and preparing it with new things. Try making chicken breaded with crushed chex mix (cereals make GREAT breading for chicken!) And let her help you prepare it so that she sees what you're making.
Also, try to make your own versions of things she likes - lunchables cheese & crackers can easily turn into a do-it-yourself version with healthier cheese & cracker options. Show her that if she likes this, she may like this version.
Hope that helps.Good luck.
The rule in our house is to eat what is set before you. And she really should be eating more fruits, veggies and lean proteins and not so many carbs. That is probably why she's looking chunky to you. Childhood obesity is such an extreme concern but it's so hard to expose it without giving the child a self-esteem problem.
Also, you should mention all of this to her pediatrician if you can. Maybe just call if you don't personally take her to appts.. Eating disorders start to pop up around these girls' ages. It'd be good to figure out if this is the way she's always eaten or if she's deliberately not eating what she should be.
As an early childhood educator, mealtime should NOT be a battleground. It's creating an environment for eating disorders when you insist a child clean their plate or try to force them to eat something they won't.
I agree- offer her choices as often as possible. That doesn't mean only serving things she likes. Keep her involved in preparing and serving meals as much as possible.