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Advice Needed re: SIL & thoughts of harm

ACRACR
in Austin Babies

So last night DH & I were with his parents, talking about BIL & SIL (who have a 6 mo old). MIL mentioned that SIL (who is married to DH's brother) has said on more than one occassion to BIL that she has had thoughts of harming herself & the baby. It's obvious she's in a serious depression (as she was pre-baby), but this was to a level we didn't realize. We're kind of at a loss as to what to do. Obviously she needs help immediately, but we're not sure what the best course of action is. BIL & SIL have veeery little money, though my husband's parents are willing to help out financially as much as they can.

SIL's parents are out of state, and not terribly supportive. Last time BIL called to talk to them about how depressed their daughter was, they went off on him and what a terrible husband he was, how it as all his fault, etc. Other than that, they don't really talk much to SIL - it's a weird relationship. They're not really open to talking to SIL about how much she is hurting.

We had a family meeting last night & BIL & SIL were open to having the baby come stay with DH & I for a little while, but obviously something needs to be done during that time to get her well. She's in therapy, but from what BIL says, the therapist is not taking these thoughts of harm as real threats. Ugh....just not sure where to go from here!

 ETA: BIL is somewhat reluctant to do anything that the thinks would upset his wife more or that would lead to his wife leaving with the baby (like going home to her parents with the baby). We've spoken to a lawyer, so he knows his rights, but he's hesitant to do anything to jeopardize their marriage

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Re: Advice Needed re: SIL & thoughts of harm

  • kiarox2002kiarox2002
    Is she on anti-depressants?  Some are safe while BFing from what I understand.  (If that's a concern.)  Could she switch to a new therapist who has experience in dealing with PPD?  No other advice, but kudos to you for taking this seriously and trying to get her help!
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  • naclh2otaffynaclh2otaffy member

    Would a new therapist be an option?  Would she be open to committing herself somewhere for a little bit?  Is there enough to go on to commit her to a facility against her will for a 48 hour watch kind of thing?    Is she on medication?  Could that be modified, since it apparently isn't working - new kind, different dosage, starting something if she isn't using any now.  If breastfeeding is an issue for avoiding meds, help to convince her that most of all the baby needs a healthy mom.  That's way more important than breastmilk (in an either/or kind of situation).

    If the child truly is in immediate danger, you could involve CPS, but I don't know that you want to go that far.

    Do they have insurance or an employee assistance program through their work?  Both of those would be resources to help.

     Good for you and your family for stepping in to help!


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  • Ruby44Ruby44
    She needs to talk to a psychiatrist or her OB or other family practice physician about getting on an anti-depressant ASAP. Zoloft is one (out of many, I think) that is safe for women who are breastfeeding (if that's a concern). Maybe SIL's parents do not know how serious PPD is. That is so sad. I think the baby staying with you for a while while SIL heals is a wonderful idea. How gracious of you to offer!
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  • lilrunnerlilrunner

    imageRuby44:
    She needs to talk to a psychiatrist or her OB or other family practice physician about getting on an anti-depressant ASAP. Zoloft is one (out of many, I think) that is safe for women who are breastfeeding (if that's a concern). Maybe SIL's parents do not know how serious PPD is. That is so sad. I think the baby staying with you for a while while SIL heals is a wonderful idea. How gracious of you to offer!

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  • PrincessBrideSarahPrincessBrideSarah

    To echo several others, if she is not on an antidepressant, she needs to be on one. If she is on an antidepressant, she needs to be on a different one or a higher dose or a secondary medication to augment the first medication.

    If she is not on medication due to breastfeeding, many of the newer meds such as Zoloft are considered reasonably safe while breastfeeding. If she needs to switch to formula, perhaps DH's parents could pay for the formula (since cost may be a factor in not wanting to switch to formula).

    Hospitalization is generally a crisis intervention and often lasts only a few days. You really need a longer term plan because the hospital is generally a short-term stop-gap solution.

    Has BIL met with her therapist? The therapist may be able to shed some light on why she does not consider these thoughts real threats.

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  • MnMShawMnMShaw member
    Hi!  I don't normally post on this board, I'm on the nest, but I was lurking and felt compelled to post.  I would suggest she go get an assessment at Bluebonnet MHMR.  They can do an assessment on her, get her some medications to level out the depression, and get her in to a different kind of counseling/therapy.  And I noticed you said money is tight and if you go there you can talk to them about working on a sliding scale fee to make it more affordable if she doesn't have insurance.
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  • ACRACR

    Thanks, all! SIL is on antidepressants (not breastfeeding), but I do agree there needs to be a change there (not sure why I didn't ask them about that last night when we were together). SIL doesn't work & BIL does handyman jobs, so they don't have insurance unfortunately (MIL pays for meds/counseling). I think that my MIL is going to call SIL's OB today to get some guidance on where to go from here. It was a draining night, and I appreciate the advice. I'll certainly mention it all to SIL & BIL

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  • jacks123jacks123
    I work as a social worker for a local hospital in Round Rock and know of some free and low cost counseling and mental health resources I could refer your SIL to.  You can email me at jlovicott at gmail dot com and I can send you the information. 
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