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Working Moms
Is it really possible to be happy with a 8-5:30 work day with a LO?
I have been back to work for 9 months now - and I really thought things would have fallen into place/gotten easier by now. Those that are working 9+ hours a day - do you really feel like you get to spend time with your LOs? I know a lot of people had told me to get some time in the morning before I leave for work - but I am always rushing around trying to get ready for work..and then when I get home at 5:30 I am rushing around trying to get dinner done for us and for the baby, get bathtime done, try to play a little and then get him off to bed. By the time that's all done - it feels like there's nothing left in me - no energy to clean, prep for the following night's dinner (some people mentioned this would help) and it's also caused DH & I to be really short with eachother and bicker a ton. I am seriously considering a switch in careers to something either part-time or that would let me be home by 3-4 o'clock to buy me some time with my son and hopefully ease the tension at home. Anyone have any insights or am I just a rambling mess?
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Re: Is it really possible to be happy with a 8-5:30 work day with a LO?
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
Of course it is! It will take time to get used to things (and to divvy up responsibilities/tasks), but you can definitely work full time and have a child and enjoy your life.
DH and mix up the pick up and drop off. Also, DH is the one who prepares dinner most nights. When I get home, then I get to play with DS. Sometimes we eat before DS goes to bed. Sometimes we wait until after. Just go with the flow and make sure your expectations are reasonable. You can't "do it all" all the time, but you can certainly get things done and have some time to relax alone and with your DH too.
Yes, you can do it! You just need to make the time from when you get home until the time your LO goes to bed strictly LO time. Prepare meals on the weekends, or in the crockpot, so you don't need to spend anytime prepping dinner. Once LO goes to bed, just spend 15-20 minutes cleaning up the kitchen and prepping for the following night's meal. Then, you are done. Save all the other cleaning for the weekends.
Of course it's possible. It's all about your mindset.
Rather than feel bad about the lack of time that I get with DS on the weeknights, I cherish the time I get on the weeknights and really, really look forward to and appreciate the weekends.
And stop pushing yourself so hard. Weeknight meals at our house are whatever can be prepped and ready to eat as quickly as possible - which usually means something that can be microwaved. And DH and I try to take turns making dinner every night. I limit myself to one or two quick chores after DS goes to bed to make sure that I get some downtime to myself before I go to bed.
Some days are better than others, sure. But I try not to dwell on the bad days.
I do 7 to 4:30 and it works out well. I'm not going to lie though, there are MANY nights when I don't cook. We'll order out or else I'll fix DD something and DH and I will eat whatever we can find.
DH drops her off at daycare in the morning so I can be at work by 7. That gives him 1on1 time with her and I get my 1on1 time with her in the evenings before he gets home.
ETA: Short answer to your title question is no. I still wish I worked PT.
I do see DD a decent amount but especially in that first year, it's not a lot. Now I will add I have a flexible schedule so while I am 8-5, I can come in a bit late and leave a bit early and work through lunch or catch up at night or just telecommute for the day and no one cares really. That's a HUGE advantage, especially when DH goes OOT. But also DH helps a ton. I drop off at DC and he picks up. He has to cook dinner at least twice a week and if I am cooking, he will watch the kids so they aren't underfoot. It does get easier the older they get. But here's how I cut corners because like you, it's impossible to do it all:
* I hired a maid to come in every other week. Even once a month would be a huge help. I just don't have time to really clean.
* DH and I share chores and ask/tell each other when stuff needs to get done. Like "please do the laundry" or "could you load the dishwasher".
* Sometimes, DD gets yogurt, cereal, lunchables or take-out for dinner. Stouffer's mac n' cheese is a recurring fav. Thems the breaks when you are a working mom.
* With 2, I'm trying to menu plan for longer periods of time. It's a lot easier when I know what we are doing and oftentimes I can get DH to start stuff for me if I'm running late.
Beyond that, it's just a game of survival until the kids are more self-sufficient.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
What pesky said. It really does get easier when they can feed themselves (by hand or utensil) and you can clean the kitchen or cook while their in a highchair.
But in general, ideal wouldn't be the 9-5 job for many of us. If you love your job and get fulfillment from it, it's great. If you're doing it just for the paycheck, I think it's easy to feel trapped, especially when you're just starting the working mom thing.
I work 9-7 most days, and then continue working from home once LO is in bed. Sometimes weekends too. It sucks and I am looking for another job. I have been a slobbering mess all this week because I am realizing summer is over and I have barely been outside in months. I would kill to get home at 5:30. In fact, the one day I did, I didn't know what do with myself.
I guess it's all relative.
Is it hard? Absolutely. Impossible to be happy. No. I'm very happy and was even happy with leaving my house at 7 and coming home at 6:30. I like my job and I have fantastic children. I'm tired - that's for sure. But it's not like I'd be a whole let less tired if I got home 2 hours earlier.
You need to change your attitude or find something that works for you better. If you can afford to work PT or find something that has shorter hours, then go for it.
What does your DH do?
I *am* lucky that I have a flexible work schedule, so I usually end up working a little less than 9 hours/day. But it also helps that DH helps. For example, he packs DD's lunch in the morning, he does most pickups (I drop off), he usually cooks dinner (I occupy DD), and we split the bedtime routine so one of us does bathtime and the other does storytime/bedtime (and we switch each night). We also split chores, e.g. I handle laundry, he empties the dishwasher and takes out the trash.
I dunno, maybe you just didn't mention your DH's tasks... but the only mention of him in your post is that you're short with him. So I kinda have to wonder.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
I wake up at 5:30 and leave by 6:20 i don't get home until after 8:30 because of school and work.
Some days i have to work 12's but that is not often. I know how you feel. But i figure this they call it quality time for a reason. when my husband was here (he is deployed) I was in the same boat. You not loosing your mind. try organizing you time a little different. cook meals that don't take as long. make a day where you do laundry. Clean once a week but straighten up everyday so you do not have that much to do. I don't know what time you child goes to bed but try putting him/her down earlier like 8. and spend the rest of the evening to yourself and reserve Friday evenings and Saturday afternoons for them and Sunday is for rest.
it is not the quanity of time but the quality when you spend with them. this week i took off just to spend time with DS.