Did I over react?

schoolsoutbride · August 2009

I thought this was a pretty sh!tty thing to say, but did I over react.

You tell me. I don't know if I'm just raw and overly reactive right now, or if my friend seriously deserves to be punched in the face (which is what I want to do to her, honestly.)

Was I a total *** in my response? I honestly toned it down a TON from what I wanted to say.

She wrote on my FB update where I linked the blog that had the "not pregnant" results:

ahhhhh I'm sorry Cathy. If it's meant to be it will and if it's not then it won't. Is adoption ever in the cards?

My response was:
I just went through a month of misery (emotional and pretty intense physical pain), and it cost me $20k to not get pregnant, but I should be ok with it because it wasn't meant to be??

As for adoption, I wrote a whole long blog entry on why it's not something we're pursuing in the blog, if you want to search back for it.

lnle · August 2009

Coming from an IF perspective, I don't think it's too harsh. She might think that you don't "appreciate" her words of "comfort" but hopefully it will open her eyes to what you've been through.

((hugs))

p.s. is it ok that I respond to your posts? you don't have SAIFW, but I don't want to just "drop" you as a friend, if that makes sense. I want to continue supporting you.

schoolsoutbride · August 2009

I used to have SAIFW.... I must have accidentally deleted it. Honestly, I'm surrounded by kids and babies all the time, so a ticker's not going to bother me in the slightest.

armywife76 · August 2009

No, you were justified. Throat punches usually work better : )

Danielle and Eirc · August 2009

I'm sorry - that is a sucky response and not comforting at all! I don't think you are over reacting at all.

hopecounts · August 2009

No you didn't react, I think your "Friend" meant well but those are the kind of comments that hurt, especially after a BFN. Hopefully your smack down made her realize that sometimes well meaning or no platitudes don't help.

FallsToClimb · August 2009

Nope, I don't think you over reacted at all. Actually, in light of things, I think you handled it very well. Your "friend" may think that you over reacted, because she obviously doesn't "get" IF, but maybe she'll think twice next time about making a comment like that. DH and I have started being straight with people...not trying to be mean, just honest...people need to realize that their comments hurt!

DaniGirl0517 · August 2009

I agree and disagree... You were justified and not overreacting (agree part), but (disagree part) I think she deserves a punch in the cooter instead! Sorry, I'm in a weird mood tonight.

SweetDahlia · August 2009

I don't think you overreacted at all. That would greatly upset me too. I think that people just don't get it. I am sure she meant well, but people just don't know what to say and don't think. hugs. I hope she takes your words to heart and lays off.

amc_banana · August 2009

I don't think you over reacted at all. Most people have no idea what to say but instead of not saying anything they go say something rude and mean! I totally get why you want to punch her in the face.

marbear81 · August 2009

I don't think you overreacted... and wanted to offer you a ((hug))

prazenjc · August 2009

i don't think it was an over reaction either.

however, it is ever indicative of the fact that people that don't have to deal w/IF are truly ignorant of what we go thru.

i hope that your appropriate explanation of your perspective/experience is received well and doesn't make your friend step further back and out of attempting to support you. i know that happened to me, when i tried to help a couple of my family members understand a portion of my struggle. luckily, w/them, b/c they are family, i continued to pursue them to make them understand to whatever extent they can, not just shy away and isolate me further.

i, too, want to offer you (((hugs))) and hope for perseverence for you and peace w/whatever next steps you and your H decide to take.

SunMoon&Stars · August 2009

No, you did not overreact at all.

I hate this "meant to be" bull$hit. If you believe that the way something ends is what is "meant to be", then you'd have to believe every atrocity ever committed is "meant to be".

igh0318 · August 2009

I love your response and I hope she understands a little better after she reads it. I would be interested to know if she responds back to it.

((HUGS))

Kiki11 · August 2009

I think that sounds like a reasonable response. . . and a lot nicer than I probably would have said. (((hugs))) People say the dumbest stuff.

Aliki · August 2009

I dont think you overreacted at all, but I also think people who haven't experienced IF are very ignorant about what they say sometimes.

I have a private blog and you'll be amazed at how many people say "have you considered adoption? You'd be a great parent!' every time I posted a BFN. They just dont understand why it hurts so much and why we take it so personally.

Good luck.

yodasmistress · August 2009

I have been told some version of that by at least a half dozen different women... all of whom have children. My favorite are the ones that somehow involve a higher power actively choosing, which inherently means they somehow deserved it and I don't.

I don't think your response was mean. I think her words were insensitive. However, if this interaction is anything like the ones I have had, you will simply be painted as bitter and insensitive. That's ok though, we know it's not true.

Jlynn3 · August 2009

Definitely not! Totally justifiable in my book!

(((hugs))) some ppl just really dont get it...

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