Would you have your shower?

Million$$Baby · August 2009

So my baby shower was rescheduled for Sunday, September 13. In light of recent events, my instinct is to cancel it. I feel very strange and sad seeing people at Annaleigh's funeral this week and then at a baby shower two weeks later. The general consensus of my friends and family though is that I should still have it. After all, we have two beautiful babies who deserve to be celebrated. I really don't know what to do with this. Thoughts? I don't have to decide right now, but will need to relatively soon...

pamela-matt · August 2009

I am sure this must be incredibly difficult for you. My thoughts...as difficult as it might be, celebrate the memory of Annaleigh and the two beautiful babies you have still fighting. (((HUGS)))

MayDayGirl · August 2009

If you think you can handle it then I would have it. But honestly waiting a month or two to reschedule wouldn't be so bad either.

{{{{hugs}}}}}

DotGrl03 · August 2009

I would do whatever you feel up to. Maybe postpone it for later so you have more time... I'm so sorry...

qtpa2t · August 2009

I'm sure this must be so hard, but I think your friends and family are right - you should still have it and celebrate the two beautiful babies you have.

kammy · August 2009

oh, honey. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Of course I can't really put myself in your place, but I think I would probably cancel. Although I agree that Charlie and Lily deserve to be celebrated, I don't think I'd be able to be in a celebrating mood. I think I would be too sensitive and everyone would feel like they had to tip-toe around me.

marcuej · August 2009

In my opinion, you absolutely deserve this baby shower! It's a time for loved ones to celebrate you, Joe and the babies. It might be just what you need!

TakYelgif · August 2009

Yes, celebrate Annaleigh and Charlie and Lily!

emiannie · August 2009

pamela-matt:
I am sure this must be incredibly difficult for you. My thoughts...as difficult as it might be, celebrate the memory of Annaleigh and the two beautiful babies you have still fighting. (((HUGS)))

This exactly...if you think you can handle it. ((HUGS))

ABC-123 · August 2009

I think that a baby shower would be a wonderful celebration and would probably do wonders for you. However, I do think that you need to be ready for it; maybe this date is too early for you to feel comfortable celebrating, maybe it isn't, only you can know if you are ready. I definitely think that you should have one when you are comfortable and ready to celebrate. I think that it will be an amazing celebration of all three of your babies and you & your DH.

517butterfly · August 2009

qtpa2t:
I'm sure this must be so hard, but I think your friends and family are right - you should still have it and celebrate the two beautiful babies you have.

This exactly.

mcppalmbeach · August 2009

Are you emotionally up to it? If so, I agree with others that now more than ever would be a good time to celebrate Charlie and Lily and get some well deserved love and attention. If you're not up for it, definitely don't cancel -- postpone. You deserve a beautiful shower.

I don't want this to come out wrong but I do think if you do have the shower you should give some thought about how you want Annaleigh remembered that day and make your wishes known. Maybe you want her recognized in some way - or maybe you prefer to focus the celebration on Charlie and Lily. Whatever you want to do is absolutely ok, but I wouldn't want your guests to avoid talking about her (because they don't want to upset you) and that make you feel bad or vice versa if that makes sense. We pray for you guys every day.

smilelari · August 2009

qtpa2t:
I'm sure this must be so hard, but I think your friends and family are right - you should still have it and celebrate the two beautiful babies you have.

this

finallyreilly · August 2009

I think you should do whatever you think you can handle emotionally. I don't think it would be wrong to have it because you definitely want to celebrate Lily and Charlie and the memory of Annaleigh since you all have been through so much and it is definitely well deserved. But, if it is going to be too painful for you, then I say don't do it.

LucyPevensie · August 2009

I think having it so soon would be tough. Charlie and Lily absolutely deserve to be celebrated, and you deserve to be showered with kindness and gifts for them, but I would likely put it off for a little while. But I'm not in your shoes so can only speculate - do what feels right for you and Joe. Don't let anyone pressure you either way though. Just honor whatever it is YOU are feeling. And if it doesn't feel right - it will not be a good day for you. So don't force it if you don't feel up to it.

oct11bride03 · August 2009

I have to admit, I've been wondering about this but wasn't going to ask. I'm still setting aside the time and would love to celebrate Charlie and Lily. I'm sure we could also do something, if you wanted, to honor Annaleigh.

I think it really comes down to what makes you the most comfortable. I'm sure everyone would love the chance to celebrate with you and you absolutely deserve it, but if it's going to make you upset then I think postponing a few months is perfectly fine.

na24 · August 2009

I have no idea what I would do in your situation. If I had to imagine, I'd probably have the shower but also include a happy, positive way of remembering Annaleigh during the shower. But you should do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Also, if you have the shower, you'll probably want to have it before Charlie and Lily come home, right? I wouldn't imagine you'd want guests in your house with the babies at home when they're so young, and you probably won't be able to (or want to) get away much once they're home if the shower were to be at someone else's house or a restaurant or something. But then there's probably no real way of knowing exactly when the babies will be coming home until it gets closer to their due dates. So that's kind of tricky.

Good luck.

SeaSoul · August 2009

I understand how you are feeling. I think if there is any part of you that would like to have the shower at that time, try to concentrate on that. It would be so nice for people to celebrate you and the babies, and remember Analeigh at a happy occasion. It would provide a nice balance, I think. And it sounds like everyone wants to do it...so if your hesitation is out of how others may perceive it, you can probably let go of that. But you know what would be best for you...good luck! Thinking of you!

mrsolsenk12 · August 2009

I think you should still have it but would see nothing wrong with postponing it for a few weeks or have it after Charlie and Lily come home.

howleyshell · August 2009

You should 100% do exactly what you feel like doing regardless of what others think or feel you should do.

Trust your gut.

Postponing does NOT mean that you're not interested in celebrating your children. It just means you've got a lot on your plate and maybe want to wait until a time you feel you can enjoy the experience more.

projectkjetil · August 2009

Since the shower (now sprinkle?) is meant to be a party for you, I say postpone until you feel more celebratory. Maybe even after the babies are home from the hospital and people can meet them, if you're comfortable with large groups around them. If not, you can bring a slideshow to share.

Postponing doesn't mean you aren't celebrating, it just means you're waiting to celebrate. Do what's best for you. You've been through enough, and shouldn't be forced to make happy small talk for three hours when you're not quite ready.

LVBlvd · August 2009

YOU deserve to be celebrated as well - and your friends and family, I am sure, want very much to do that! If you are up for it, I think you might really enjoy it.

rispergirl · August 2009

ABC-123:
I think that a baby shower would be a wonderful celebration and would probably do wonders for you. However, I do think that you need to be ready for it; maybe this date is too early for you to feel comfortable celebrating, maybe it isn't, only you can know if you are ready. I definitely think that you should have one when you are comfortable and ready to celebrate. I think that it will be an amazing celebration of all three of your babies and you & your DH.

This. I can imagine how hard it is to decide.

Million$$Baby · August 2009

Thank you. I really don't want to postpone it, as this is already the second time it's been rescheduled. I refuse to ask people to RSVP again, ask my family to send out yet another set of invites, etc. I also don't want to have it after the babies come home, because I know I will not want to be away from them and I will be unable to expose them to any type of crowd. I see that most of you are as torn as I am on the whole thing. I guess I'll just wait a few days and see how I feel.

prazenjc · August 2009

if you don't think YOU can withstand it, don't feel pressured into it. could it be postponed? i would hope people would understand your need for some more grieving time. celebration can take place when you feel ready.

hugs and prayers for you!

sapphire1398 · August 2009

If it is too difficult, then there is no shame in that. What about having a welcome home Charlie and Lily party instead. Make it a shower'ish type of deal and the celebration of all of Charlie's and Lily's accomplishments? You have amazing family and friends that want to support you and they will still be there whenever you are ready for it.

mrspresley · August 2009

I think if you can handle it emotionally, you should go ahead...but if you need more time to heal, then postpone it a bit. no one is going to think anything of your decision either way.... i'm sorry you have to be in this position

nicolita14w · August 2009

I think you need to do what feels right to you. If it were up to me, I'd say have it. You've been through so much pain and you deserve that happiness that goes along with having babies, too. But if you think it will be too hard for you to get through, then I'd say go ahead and cancel it, or reschedule it for a bit further down the road.

JillRock96 · August 2009

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I agree with pp -- I think whatever you are comfortable with is the right thing. Maybe it could be postponed for a month to give you some time to adjust to the idea of a shower.

my*heart*is*his · August 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. The strength you have shown has amazed me and everyone else on these boards. I think I would go ahead with the shower - your friends and family want to celebrate all three of your babies - especially Annaleigh watching from heaven. Maybe there is something special, a scrapbook, donations to the March of Dimes, or something similar that could happen at the shower to honor Annaleigh's memory. We have friends who lost twins at 24 weeks and now are actively involved in the MoD Walk for Babies. It's a way for them to give their sons' lives meaning and carry them on. Perhaps you could ask those in attendance to become involved in some way.

But, if you really feel like you aren't emotionally ready, asking the hostesses to postpone for a month would be completely understandable.

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