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What to say to DH? (Probably TMI)

renafaithrenafaith member
in Infertility

I think he's in denial. Somehow the topic of GP came up (oh yeah, we were talking about how I went to my regular doc yesterday to get something for my fever and he was not happy about my OB prescribing Provera without tests) and DH basically told me that something MAY be wrong that I might not get pregnant easy, but to not talk myself into believing that. WHAT?!? After all these discussions we've had...and you think it's all in my head?

 So, when we got home (we were walking the dogs), he was looking up something he wanted to buy on the internet.  I went in there and pulled up the PCOSbio and saved it to his favorites. I didn't make a big deal out of it, just told him to look at it when he got a chance. He asked me what it was and I said "Your second opinion" (Whenever I tell him something, he has to hear it from somebody else, too to believe it). I went to bed and I don't know that he's looked at it.

He's also said things while we're BDing (about wanting kids, won't go into ALL the gory details) and it just totally ruins it for me.

So, all that long rambling to ask this....In the beginning, how do you get it through their thick skulls? He seems to think that it'll happen rather quickly (and it still may), but I don't want him getting his hopes up and be terribly frustrated months or years down the road when we're still trying.

TIA!

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Diagnosed with PCOS: 10/03, On BCP to "treat" until: 7/09
Provera to end Cycles 1-9 (anovulatory)
Cycle #4 & 5: Clomid 50 mg FAIL
RE Visit: 2000 mg Metformin
Cycle 6:Forced Break, looking for androgen secreting tumor
Cycle 7:Clomid CD 3-10, 12-17 FAIL
Cycle 8: Clomid CD 3-10, Bravelle CD 12-24 Hyperstimmed
New RE: Put on Byetta, lost 23 lbs
Cycle 9: Financial Break
Cycle 10: Femara CD 3-7, IUI CD 17 BFP on 2/14/11, m/c 3/7/11
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Re: What to say to DH? (Probably TMI)

  • kimarino13kimarino13 member
    He was all for getting testing done to see if there was an issue.  Then the numbers came back indicating a problem and we jumped right into IVF. 

    After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
    image

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  • Temp590840000005378Temp590840000005378
    Boys seem to have a harder time understanding IF issues.  Our chances of getting pregnant on our own are almost not existent.  Yet, my husband tries to get me in the mood by saying lets make babies!  In a way, I think it's cute that he still thinks there is a chance the old fashion way, but on the other hand I wish I could snap him into our reality so he will be more on board with pursuing IVF, etc...  Perhaps your dh needs a little more time to grasp the concept, I imagine he finds it all very overwhelming!! Good luck!!
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  • BMWwifeBMWwife

    I'm not really sure what you say to them that finally makes it click. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I've had multiple conversations about how its going to be a difficult road for us and I think he just tunes me out. When I brought up to him the other day about giving this OB until Nov/Dec TGP and then Im moving on to an RE he asked my why I was in such a hurry TGP. I'm like dont you get it? I'm not in a hurry to have a baby I just know that it might take a while so I dont want to put it off any longer.

    Hang in there it will click eventually. If you DH is anything like my DH he will have to figure it out on his own.

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  • laure1122laure1122
    It look a LONG time for DH to believe something may be wrong.  It actually took about 3 of our friends/family getting KU within a few months of trying for it to dawn on him that 2 years is a long time. 
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  • Dragonfly1226Dragonfly1226 member
    We're unexplained. It took the RE recommending further treatment. (((hugs)))
    image
    Unexplained Infertility

    After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC #2
    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Surprise! Baby #4 is due in March!
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  • Jarms01Jarms01
    My DH didn't really think it was a problem we had not gotten pg.  We had a c/p 6 months after we got married.  So I talked with my GYN and she said to wait a few more months.  Fast forward to a 1 1/2 years later we had another c/p.  I had told him there might be a problem.  He didn't want to think there was.  In his head it was my body's fault.  I finally went to the RE and he did the SA.  Well his body was the problem.  I think he didn't want to believe that we couldn't get pg like 'normal' people.  We have had 8 IUIs and will be starting IVF.  It has been three years and now I think he finally gets it.  Sometimes it will just take time.  I wish you luck because it can be frustrating.
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  • TiffanyA83TiffanyA83 member

    My DH still doesn't get it. He thinks we can still do it on our own...even though we've been told multiple times by multiple doctors that the chance is 1 - 3%. I figure that he'll get it when he's ready to accept it. Until then, he'll continue the appointments with me and ask all the questions he wants, but never, ever stop making progress with IF treatments.

    TTC 7+ years - 3 failed IUI's; not going the IVF route; stopped treatment December 2013.

    Became licensed for Foster Care: March 2011
    Adoption Finalized: December 2013


    LISTEN TO THE MUSN'TS CHILD, LISTEN TO THE DON'TS.
    LISTEN TO THE SHOULDN'TS, THE IMPOSSIBLES, THE WONT'S.
    LISTEN TO THE NEVER HAVES, THEN LISTEN CLOSE TO ME.
    ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN, CHILD, ANYTHING CAN BE.
    -Shel Silverstein


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