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3rd Trimester
brookie15
member
ladies i really need some advice please!
brookie15
member
Ok so here it is. I'm thinking of leaving my husband. I'm tired of doing everything for him and when I ask for something I get yelled at. I cook, clean, do his laundry and take care of the dog all while 8 months pregnant and when I ask him to rub my back I either have to rub his or do something in return for him. I don't get any money from him. I don't have a job right now since I'm so close to giving birth and any money I get I get from my parents or grandparents which I hate. And his paycheck goes to bills and buying things for his truck. I keep telling him that we need to save our money for the baby, but he rolls his eyes and says that its his money and he can do what he wants with it. I guess what I'm asking is if I should leave now or after the baby is born. Please help!
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Re: ladies i really need some advice please!
I think that is a huge decision and you want to give it some thought. If you've thought it out and are leaving him for sure, I would leave him before the baby is born. If he is unwilling to help now, he will be unwilling to help then.
Have you tried talking to him about this or getting couples counseling.
I"m assuming there are deeper issues than him not rubbing your back?
You don't work, he is the breadwinner, and you are upset because you have to cook clean and do laundry?
Maybe I'm misunderstanding but this sounds like my setup and I am SOO happy that this is the way it is. My DH works hard and if he doesn't feel like rubbing my back after working all day and providing for me, then yea it might suck...but I get over it.
I think if that is the only issue you have in your relationship you need to get over it and think of your child....
Only you can really make that decision, but from what you're saying, the situation will not get any better once the LO arrives.
Good luck!
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Wow! I'd definitely talk to your husband about the way you feel! I'd suggest starting with counseling! Is that an option?
Does he know how unappreciated you feel? You definitely need to communicate this to him.
If you are 8 months now, haven't you started to get the room ready and all? Has he not given you money to do that either?
But do you not have a say to where any of the money goes?
I left my DH about a month after I found out I was pregnant. Thankfully, he came to his senses and I decided to give him another chance and went back to him 4 months later. Sometimes I think they just need a little scare to see that you aren't something to be taken for granted. My DH seemed to realize all that I do for him and our household (I too do all of the cooking, cleaning, paying of bills, taking care of the dog, etc etc etc).
I guarantee you that you will get a ton of responses saying that you are just hormonal right now and to wait and see how you feel after the baby is born, because that was the response I got, but I am glad I did what I did. The situation that I was in didn't feel right to me at the time and I did what I felt was best for me and baby at the time. GL to you and let me know if you want to vent or anything!
First...big hugs to you. You're going through a ton right now, and I don't think anyone on here can tell you the "right" answer.
Keep in mind that he loved you and you loved him enough to get married. Have you talked to him about this stuff? Have to made it clear how strongly you feel about all of this?
DH and I had some problems at the beginning of the summer. He's stubborn and I'm too emotional right now. We sat down and talked for 5 hours straight. There was a lot he wasn't telling me and I wasn't telling him. We needed a re-check on our relationship. For us, things are back to how they're supposed to be.
Hang in there girlie...I'll be thinking about you.
Looks like there are some deep issues that probably only a counselor can help you sort through. Being a stay at home wife, with your husband making the money, yet he won't give you any of it? This sounds like he has a MAJOR control issue. Something that needs to be worked out sooner than later.
Asking girls here if you should leave now or later is pointless, people can't answer that for you, only you can.
1) i hope this is MUD. for your sake.
2) was he like this before you married him? before you got pg?
3) have you explained to him that it's his baby too?
4) since you're not working now, were you planning on working after LO arrives? if you left, how would you support yourself & LO? that's something to consider (unless the relationship's abusive, then that's different, imo).
Sorry to hear you're at this spot right now. There must be bigger issues going on here; issues that can't/shouldn't be properly discussed on a board of strangers.
Why did you get married in the first place and how/when/where/why did things take a turn for the worse? I would want to answer that first and foremost.
Yes I do manage the finances... I guess just from her explanation it seemed like she was upset that his job was paying the bills why she was unemployed... there have to be deeper issues here that haven't been disclosed...
I don't think the main issue is that she takes care of the house; I think it's the fact that he won't give her any money (and it is their money; they're married, for cripe's sake), which is very controlling on his part and just plain not right. Is she supposed to beg him for an allowance? I also find it troubling that he apparently won't save any $ for the baby.
That said, the OP should talk to a counselor, a social worker, or a close friend--someone who can give her a better persepctive on her specific situation than a bunch of women on an Internet message board.
ETA: Wow, I somehow totally missed the cheating post. I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't want to stay with this guy and raise a baby with him if what you say is accurate.
The part that bothers me the most about your situation is that he needs to "give you money." When DH and I got married our accounts became joint. What he makes is ours, what I make is ours. I couldn't fathom going to him and asking him for money. That gives him way too much control over your life and isn't a healthy way to live, IMHO.
ETA: Wow, I just read the cheating post. He's already checked out of the marriage. I'd leave and stay with family. If he isn't willing to go to counseling, there's not much that can be done.
"You're gonna miss this You're gonna want this back You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..."