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Working Moms
tnpjuly04
member
A question for managers ...
tnpjuly04
member
in Working Moms
I will try and condense:
1. I am pregnant ... and have two other little ones, so I am trying to see this from both manager and employee perspectives
2. The woman who works for me is also a close friend and our husbands are very close.
Woman who works for me is due in about a week. She's been coming in late, leaving early, taking extremely long lunches, and her husband has been spending quite a bit of time in our office. This is not due to her pregnancy (as far as I know, she has not told me). Her pg has been rather uneventful and healthy.
I have a sinking feeling, due to her behavior, that she is not planning on coming back after maternity leave. She will be back about 3 weeks and then I will go out on maternity. I am extremely worried that this will fracture our personal relationship and put a lot of stress on the other people who work for me (who will have to take on her job and mine while I am out).
Can I ask her? Should I talk to her? How am I supposed to respond if/when she tells me that she's not coming back?
This could be all speculation and me over-reacting, but I am afraid of a really bad, sad, and dissapointing situation in a few months. I am already a working mom and I completely understand what it feels like to leave an infant and go back to work (I've done it twice) - so from a friend perspective, I can completely understand if she were to feel that way AFTER she came back to work. My concern is that she ALREADY knows she's not planning on coming back, and I'm taking it personally that she would do that to me as a friend and as a professional.
Sorry that was so long! TIA for your advice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A question for managers ...
as a manager, you should speak to her regarding her lateness and the fact she is leaving early, if it isnt approved.
there is a line between boss and friend, and it seems to be she might be taking advantage of that.
Definitely this. But also I would speak to her as both a coworker and friend and let her know that you understand that people have their reasons for not letting people know if they are coming back - insurance and whatever - and she can take that up with HR, but that as a person who relies on her it would be extremely helpful if she could be upfront with you. I don't know if she will actually tell you the truth but it can't hurt to ask her. Then you could at least prepare for it somewhat by spreading some of your more important work to others. Or you could ask her to consider coming back for a little while to help out and then quitting when you come back from leave. She might be willing - you never know.
Two things:
First, ditto pp -- as a manager, I would talk to her about her tardiness and early departures and long lunches. Hey, I'm all for letting stuff slide every now and then to keep the troops happy but this is clearly taking advantage of you. That sends a very bad message to your CWs and any other subordinates that you are favoring this woman because she is a friend. You can be very nice about it and diplomatic but time to remind her that she is paid for a FULL day of work.
Second, I would talk to her as a friend -- look, not my place to ask and I'm not, but if you are intending not to return to work, that's fine but to preserve future references, etc., more notice is better to avoid basically shafting those you are leaving behind. People remember that stuff. Then say nothing more about it. You can't force her to tell you. And she may be 90% sure she's not coming back but hasn't decided definitely one way or the other yet. You never know.
And FWIW, I would take it personally too. It's unprofessional and just plain not nice to screw a friend that way. Sends a message that she doesn't trust you enough to tell you the truth and that you will not stick it to her by terminating her early.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
I know it is frustrating since you are friends, but if she does tell you as her boss that she is not planning on coming back to work than that makes you obligated to tell HR putting both of you in an uncomfortable situation. My understanding on the way FMLA works is she has to come back to work for at least a day in order to not have to "payback" the time she has used for maternity leave. If she says she is not coming back before leaving then she is no longer eligable for FMLA. You would be putting her in a very tough situation. You have to also remember that what happens at work no way should affect your friendship outside of work. Maybe you could talk to her about that. It is hard working with friends.
Since she is already being so unprofessional as to bring her husband in and come in late and so on, I wouldn't put it past her to "suddenly" decide not to come back.
As for possible resentment in the office, do you think that's already happening if she has decided to give herself a come-in-late/leave-early schedule?
Legally and professionally, I really don't see any way you can ask her if she's going to bail after her leave. You can, of course, talk up that being a terribly unprofessional thing to do that leads to a poor reference.
I am in HR and I was asked if I was going to come back or not. I am not %100 sure or not so I was honest and told my boss that. I would go ahead and ask her and if she says she isn't sure then just let her know that you would like to know as soon as she decides so you can make plans. You can't make her tell the truth but you can ask.
As her friend I would ask her what is going on that she is leaving early and coming in late. She could be struggling with something you dont know about. Just because you think it is a healthy preg. maybe it isn't. No body at my work knows what I have gone through. If she is like me she is sleepy in the morning and runs late and is antsy in the afternoon to get out of her chair and get home to dinner and other things on her mind.
My situation is different because we dont have paid leave and I dont carry the insurance here so my boss knew I wasn't holding out not to tell. I take care of a lot so she wanted to be prepared. I totally understood her asking I am sure your friend will too. At least if she says she is unsure you can start to make some plans.