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Baby Showers
kimmyg000
member
Requesting one shower instead of two?
kimmyg000
member
in Baby Showers
My sister along with a friend of mine are throwing me a baby shower. We all picked a date that worked for everyone. I told her just to make it really simple, not to make a big deal. We discussed that we would invite both my side and DH's side. I told her if anyone else from DH's side offered to do one to just contact her to help in any way she needed. I suggested having them bring a dish. There really isn't much else to do and I thought it would be easy on everyone. So now DH's aunt said something to me so I gave her my sister's info. Now my sister wants to do just our side so she doesn't have to deal with these other people. What is the big deal? Am I being unreasonable for just wanting one shower with everyboday instead of one with these people and another with other people. I thought it would be easier for everyone involved, but should I just let each side do what they want to do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Requesting one shower instead of two?
See, that's the thing. YOU don't get to decide how big of a shower it is. The hostess does. And it sounds like perhaps your sister is concerned about how big it may get. And DH's aunt bringing a dish may really not be enough to offset the costs for your sister and friend.
Also- perhaps when your sister talked to DH's aunt, there was something in the conversation that made your sister wary (the comment about not wanting to deal w/ these other people?). His aunt had tons of ideas of what she'd like to do that didn't jive w/ your sisters plans, or she was insisting it be at her house, or.... who knows.
Plus, there is something to be said for having too many cooks in the kitchen.
YOU think "one shower" is easiest for everyone. How so, exactly? For your sister and friend, one shower means bigger and more people to deal w/, to clean up after, etc.
If your sister doesn't want to do one big shower, that's HER choice.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Well along with DH's aunt comes a place to have it for free. They are members to a boat club and can use the clubs facility for free. My sister had bought invitations and decorations already. All that needs to be bought is a cake. And she can put his aunts in charge of food. There is a lot of people who want to help so if ten people bring one dish then there will be plenty of food. Nobody has even contacted my sister yet so I don't know what her deal is. She wants to have it at my mom's house, well that just throws a burden on my mother. And last baby shower we had on DH's side was no big deal so it's not like they go all out for these things. So this is why I think everyone together just makes sense. And it's not like there is anyboday who doesn't get along. If I had two how do I decide which ones to invited my friends to?
Look- a shower is a GIFT to you from the hostess. You're trying to micro-manage it. I get that you're trying to make things easier, but for whatever reason, one big shower may not be easier for your sister.
As far as your mom goes, she's an adult and she can say "no" to your sister if it's truly a burden.
Also- having thrown a shower in a club room we rented, doing it off-sight was actually a pain. We had to bring everything. EVERYTHING. And we didn't know the lay of the land as easily as we would have at someones home. Cleaning up- also a pain because (again) we had to bring EVERYTHING w/ us. More to lug there, more to lug home. And had to make sure we left it SPOTLESS.
Where again - YOU keep seeing certain options as "easier", but you're not the one actually throwing it.
Just sit back and let them all figure it out and you show up when and where you're told and be the gracious guest-of-honor.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'll also add- "boat club" sounds fancy to me. Your sister may feel she has to make the shower fancier if it's at this club. More than people bringing dishes (which they may not even be able to do if it's at a club!). My DH is the part owner of a sailboat and it's docked at a yacht club where, yes, if I were having an event there, I would feel like I needed to make it nicer/fanicer than I would if it were at someone's house.
She may really want this to be special from HER to YOU and just doesn't want DH's family to take it over. Even if you say to us "Oh- his aunt is great, she would never do that." - I'd bet that your sister doesn't know his aunt as well as you do and she's just concerned that the aunt will try to take over. And the boat club would be her turf.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Well, perhaps behind the scenes, the one big shower didn't work out for everyone involved and people (perhaps your sister) just never wanted to burden you with it.
Also, keep in mind that "input" does not mean final decision.
My own experience- in my group, showers are always done at someones home. It's cheaper and as it's how we've always done it, "easier" in our eyes.
For my baby shower, I found out that the hostesses were thinking of doing it at a restaurant. This made my heart stop. I so appreciated the shower, but the idea of them spending so much money on me really made me feel guilty. I wanted them to know that easy and simple at someones home was FINE. 100% FINE w/ me.
But I talked to a couple of my friends about it, and each one ASSURED me that they were totally fine doing it this way, and as there were 4 of them, they were all perfectly comfortable with the cost.
After the fact, my one friend said she LOVED doing it that way - she didn't have to cook, make sure her house was clean, set anything up, and when it was over, it was OVER - no clean up, or anything like that.
So, what I had always seen as "easy" and how it always worked out fine in the past wasn't really the best way to do it this time.
That's why I say just sit back and let the hostess make these decisions. What YOU think is "easy" and worked out great may not be the case for your sister.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
"This ribbon has been reported." - lovesnina
A simliar thing happened to me and I did think it was odd but there is nothing I can do about it. My sister is planning my shower. DH's aunt emailed me and said if no one was planning a shower for me that she would like to. I told her my sister was and gave her the phone number and email address if she wanted to help. They have met each other tons of times. Well, next thing I know aunt is planning her own shower and said my other shower will be too big. I guess it really doesn't matter. The only thing that makes me mad is she is having it at a restaurant and the guests are expected to buy their own meals! I think that is rude but I refuse to get worked up about it because the only people who will be invited are DH's family.