How do you handle...
Phantomgirl
member
SS wants to drop Martial Arts; he has been doing it for 8 months now. He is very good at it and has all the paraphernalia (suite & sword etc). He was upset last night at having to go. He had asked last week if he could leave to 'spend more time with me'. We forced him to go last night because he lied to Fi and told him I said he could leave. I didn't, I said at the end of this month if he still wanted to leave we would discuss it. I feel that he is just out of practice because he missed 3 weeks when he went away with his grandparents and is finding it hard to get back into it. Fi feels that he should be allowed to leave if he wants to. What do you think; next wed we will have to pay for the month of September. Should there be a trial period or something?
Re: How do you handle...
My DD is famous for getting all involved in an activity and then deciding that she's done with it. I ended up getting really frustrated with her because we would have so much time and money invested in something and then she would just get tired of doing it (usually the first time that there was something else going on that she would rather do!)
I made the rule that she must finish the class/season or whatever. If she didn't want to sign up again the next time, when it was time to pay again, then I didn't make her. I think it's important that she understands that once you've committed to something~you follow through!
In your case, I would say if he's finished up what you already paid for and wishes to stop, then letting him would be a good idea. HTH
When I was young I was in competitive horseback riding. I loved it! Anyways, my last year I had won 8th place in the state rankings. A few months after that I had a couple of spills, I got bucked off a couple of horses and it threw me for a loop (literally/figuratively). Going over jumps started making me nervous. I told my mom I didn't want to do it anymore and she let me quit. Looking back on it now I really wish that she had said that I needed to wait another month or two and if I still wanted to quit I could.
The reason is because I feel like I failed myself. I feel like I gave up and since that time I have always wondered how things might have been different, what I could have achieved if I hadn't just stopped.
If it is something he enjoyed I would say he needs to stick it out for another month. Try to make special time with him aside from during his martial arts time.
Well that?s the thing, I don't feel he needs to be spending more time with ME. In fact he will be over the next year or so as FI will be working weekends on our site (we're building a house). I think he needs to spend more time with FI and Martial Arts was something they went to together.
He already plays football, swims and does drama classes with BM so he won't be missing out on group activities.
I think I might suggest that at the end of Sept if he still wants to leave he can.
What taagent said. Don't let him give up so easily. Allowing him to do that is setting him up to have that attitude with everything.
For example: I suggested boxing for my SS - he loved the idea because he was being bullied at the time. However, when he realized it was physically challenging he didn't want to go. DH and I argued about it and guess what? He wasn't held accountable and didn't even get to spar at a match. I think it was then that SS realized we wouldn't hold him accountable for anything because one of us would crumble.
Exactly Flo, SS actually told us he doesn't like it because it is getting hard. Also he is playing catch up since he missed 3 weeks. Fi actually suggested to me that since it is our only eve during the week we should let him pick and choose. If he wants to go good, if not he doesn't have to - what a lesson! Nedless to say we will not be going that route.
When I was younger, my rule was - if you start it... you finish it out! I would at least make him finish out the quarter (whatever it is? 8-12 weeks? something) and then discuss it...
The "spending more time with you" statement, shouldnt have one inkling on whether he quits or not... But I would say if he quits this, he has to pick up another activity... If I remember, he is pretty dependent on you, right? I think that is just an excuse... Keep him involved in things... In the end, he'll appreciate it! I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to quit band - but my parents made me stick it out, and I am grateful... When I did quit dance, I had to pick something else up, so I did softball, etc. You get the idea.
You can't just quit everything in life, especially when it is tough or your feeling down. Teach him to finish things out
You're an awesome SM, I'm sure that whatever you decide will be the best decision for you all!