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Infertility
Rachael07.07.07
member
Poll: How were your parents with you?
Rachael07.07.07
member
in Infertility
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger?
Do you have siblings?
Were they strict? Relaxed?
How do you think that shaped you?
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised?
To answer my own poll:
1) Divorced. I don't even remember them being married. I don't know how they were ever friends enough to actually conceive me, lol.
2) I do now, but not growing up. I am the only for both my parents. I now have steps from my dad's remarriage.
3) My dad was strict. For the majority of my life I lived primarily with him. My mom moved around a lot and wasn't always the model of stability. My dad lived in my childhood house until I was 17 and he remarried. My mom was relaxed. When I moved in with her my junior yr of hs (due to sports, nothing else) I had the freedom a 16-18 yr old shouldn't have!
4) My dad had me in sports from a young age and due to both parents working, I was a young latch key kid. Being an olny, I had to amuse myself. The neighbor's mom next door did keep an eye on me though, lol. I was always outside playing with the neighborhood kids. I had to be very independant and responsible at a young age but he was still strict even though i did have some freedom when he was gone. I think that when I moved in with my mom, her lack of strict rules definately made me take advantage of the situation. I think having had to take care of myself so young has made me very judgemental as to the way kids seem to be so incredibly spoiled and can't take care of themselves without mommy or daddy's help.
5) I love that my dad always tried to teach me something about our (both personal and as a country). We took road trips and I have seen more national parks and monuments and tourist traps and things like that than any of my friends. I think the memories are priceless and a price tag cannot be placed on that. He taught me to appreciate all the little natural and manmade wonders. My mom is very worldly, she was the first to take me out of the country to vacation. My favorite vacation spot is still the first foreign country I've ever visited (Punta Cana, DR - waaaay before it became so darn popular).
This is something that DH and I differ on. His family didn't go anywhere, not because they didn't have the means, just that they didn't think it had any value. He's slowly coming along. It's just hard to do anything when money gets tight, which is understandable.
My dad always taught me how to honor a commitment, even if you would rather be doing a million other things. My mom gave me my love of animals.
On the faults side of things, I got my intense stubborn streak from both (!!!) and am not easy to forgive, which I'm working on. I also don't want to have to make my children grow up as fast as I had to.
(ETA: my numbering skills weren't working, lol)
DX PCOS w/IR 01/08.
Currently pg with our 1st after 6.5 yrs of IF (thank you IVF)
My IF/Everything Blog
There's No Crying in Baseball
***My posts are always SAIFW**
Currently pg with our 1st after 6.5 yrs of IF (thank you IVF)
My IF/Everything Blog
There's No Crying in Baseball
***My posts are always SAIFW**
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Poll: How were your parents with you?
1. My parents are still married...they are about to hit 29 years!
2. Yep. I have an older sister and a younger (way younger....17!) brother.
3. They were more on the strict side with us girls and have laxed up a good bit with my brother.
4. 100% my parents have shaped me. My Dad is a mister and is my spiritual counselor. His faith has molded me into the woman I am today.
5. I want to bring our required family dinners and my parents family first attitude in to DH & I's family. I would like to leave the contrasting parenting styles behind (i.e. parenting girls different than boys).
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger? They are still married - I am so thankful for that. I know it hasn't been easy for them but they have managed to make it work.
Do you have siblings? Yes I have 3 sibs. 2 bros and 1 sis. I love them
Were they strict? Relaxed? They were pretty strict! I had to dress modestly and I always had a strict curfew. I have chores and responsibilities that had to be done correctly and on time.
How do you think that shaped you? I think it was very good for me. At the time I hated it but I know they did it because they loved me and cared about me.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised? I think I will take some of there parenting techniques but not all.
Baby Beau
TTC #1 for 5 years - Many years, many tears 3 Clomid IUIs all BFN IVF#1 w/ ICSI = BFP!!!! Beta #1 - 157 11dp3dt, Beta #2 - 340 13dp3dt
FET for #2 9/1/11 Beta #1 9dp5dt - 153!!! Beta #2 11dp5dt - 426!!!
Psalm 113:9 He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD.
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger? they were always married..they had a rocky relationship at times and my mom contacted a lawyer twice about a divorce but she was very sick (non-smoking lung cancer) and would get so worked up every time she ended up in the hospital so it never came about..
Do you have siblings? yes two MUCH older brothers
Were they strict? Relaxed? fairly strict
How do you think that shaped you? Hmm..I think it made me appreciate what hard work is, responsible and respectable behavior..I honestly think what shaped me the most though was having to grow up so young with my mom being so ill and eventually passing away when I was 16.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised? I hope I can pass on the appreciation for hard work to my children. My dad is the hardest working man on EARTH.
TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger?--Married and Still are. They will be celebrating their 47th wedding anniversary this coming January. They got married young. My mom was 15 and my dad was 19.
Do you have siblings? Yep. 3. 2 sisters and a brother. One sister will be turning 46 in October and the other 45 in November (if I remember correctly). My brother is 41. I am 26. Yes, I was definitely a woops.
Were they strict? Relaxed? They were not strict. I never had chores or anything. Embarrassing to say, but they spoiled me. But they were and are still are over protective.
How do you think that shaped you? My mom was very over protective and paranoid. She didn't let me go over to many friends houses or play outside much. She always wanted my friends to come to my house so that she could make sure I didn't get kidnapped or anything. I know, its crazy. Needless to say, I never had a ton of friends and because of it I was pretty shy around other kids. I have always been more comfortable around adults/older people than people my own age. DH gets aggravated sometimes because I am quiet when we go out with friends. I can't help it though, but I'm trying to work on it.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised? Hmmm...thats a very hard question. I know there are several things but I would really have to think about it. Oh wait, I thought of one. They have a good marriage; not a perfect one, far from it, but a good one. They are best friends. It's a good marriage to look up to as an example and use as a foundation for our marriage.
1. My parents separated the summer I turned 14. I was so grateful when they finally separated b/c they had been fighting for years.
2. I have one full brother. My dad quickly remarried and I have a 9 yr olf half sister and a 7 yr old half brother.
3. My parents where way strict. My dad was almost borderline abusive. Prozac is an amazing drug he is the "model" father now (I'm not bitter or anything).
4. I have very set ideas of how children should behave and the way parents should manage them.
5. RESPECT.
1. still married.... around 35 years? i forget (is that terrible?!)
2. i have one older brother
3. they were pretty relaxed about things... neither my brother nor i were big trouble makers, so there was a lot of trust. of course we had curfews, and chores, and all the rest, but nothing that felt completely unfair or uncalled for.
4. i think i learned the value of trust. and that their disappointment in me was more crushing than any punishment they could have given me. i think that translates into responsibility at work and at home now.
5. my parents didn't/don't have the best marriage. in fact, it is a good example of what we DON'T want to become. but my parents loved the SNOT out of us, and despite their issues, we never once felt that we weren't the center of their world. there wasn't anything they wouldn't do for us. i think the lesson of keeping your marital issues out of your children's business is so, so, so important.
Because we're fancy like that.
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger?
My parents divorced when I was a junior in high school.
Do you have siblings?
Yes - one sister who is 4 years older than me (and one step-sister, but big difference in age and wasn't till I was out of college)
Were they strict? Relaxed?
No - not really, but not really relaxed either. I was a "good" kid and stayed out of trouble, so there was a lot of trust there. I don't think it would have been that way if I misbehaved. My sister really paved the way for me because she never really got into trouble either.
How do you think that shaped you?
Honestly, I think I was harder on myself than my parents were. I NEVER wanted to disappoint them or let them down. So, I behaved in a manner that continued to allow them to trust me.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised?
I'm not sure...just to love my children, be open and honest with them, but don't be afraid to "be the parent." I think too many parents want to be their children's friends and not parents. As a parent, you need to make tough decisions and not always be liked. So, as much as it hurts, I think I will do the right things for my children, even if they don't like it.
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger? My parents were never married.
Do you have siblings? Yes, I have a yonger brother - we are 18 months apart
Were they strict? Relaxed? My mom was the main care giver - I only saw my dad once a week. My mom was strict and firm my dad was not around enough to really displine but I would say he was more relaxed.
How do you think that shaped you? Yes, my mom was a strong women and I think if I can be as half as strong as her - then I am good. Plus I lost them both at a young age - so I really think that help to shape me into the person I am today.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised? I will do more things that my children want to do - I always wanted my mom to take me to the mall - but she hated the mall so she would never take me - I do not want to be like that - I want my children to have all kinds of experiences even if I do not care for them.
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger? My parents are still happily married. This March will mark their 38th wedding anniversary. They are truly an example of what true love is. They are as much in love today as they were 40 years ago when they met.
Do you have siblings? I have no living siblings. My only brother passed away 6 years ago in the Station Nightclub Fire in Warwick, RI. I miss him everyday.
Were they strict? Relaxed? I wouldn't call my parents strict. They had a way of parenting that made my brother and I feel like we were making the right decision on our own. Yes, they had rules and if the rules were broken there were consequences, but they didn't keep us under lock and key.
How do you think that shaped you? I often find myself saying "What would Mom and Dad say about this?" when I'm faced with a tough decision and I make my choice based on what I think they would do.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised? The one thing I will change about the way my parents raised me is no matter what my child does as a hobby/sport/interest, I will support him/her. My parents were very much concerned about reputation and in my town, sports were HUGE. Both my brother and I were excellent athletes and my parents went to almost all of our games. However I was also very involved in the arts. I was a dancer for 15 years and I sang in 3 different choirs and my parents almost never came to my concerts or recitals because it wasn't as prestigious as being an athlete. The only time they would come to a concert is if I was a featured soloist and they would come just for my solo and leave right after. So while all my friends' parents waited for them after the concerts with flowers and took them out to dinner, I would slip out the back door and drive myself home. I hated that and I always got angry and I vowed I would never do that to my own kids.
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger?
My parents are still married.
Do you have siblings?
I have 1 sister who is 4 years younger.
Were they strict? Relaxed?
Middle of the road, I think. I was a good student so I had a lot of freedom to do whatever. My parents knew most of my friends & were very active in my life (went to my school plays, etc.)
How do you think that shaped you?
I'm pretty open minded & still very close to them.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised?
We were NOT spoiled at all. When I turned 15 my mom took me to get working papers; I've worked at least part time since then. I've always paid my own car insurance, etc. They really did a good job @ teaching me financial responsibility (although I am swimming in student loans). I plan on doing the same with my kids.
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger? My parents have been married for 38 years.
Do you have siblings? Yes, 1 sister 2 years younger than me.
Were they strict? Relaxed? Pretty strict. It was expected that we would do well in school, work hard at sports (theater for my sis) and be respectful of others. We had curfews that were enforced, chores and limits on tv and phone but we were also rewarded for our accomplishments. We were good kids so it really wasn't a problem and we were rarely punished. All in all it was a pretty charmed life. We were lucky.
How do you think that shaped you? What was helpful was that my parents practiced what they preached. They are both incredibly hard working self-less people who also made sure to take the time to appreciate life and all that we had. Work hard play hard, but get the work done first. My parents could have lived a different life-my dad turned down numerous promotions so that he wouldn't be chained to his job or move us all over the country. My mother stopped grad school to be a nursing school prof so she could have the flexibility with being a staff RN. They live in the same house they purchased 5 months before I was born. I remember looking at larger houses as a teenager but then they decided that a big fancy house was not worth sacrificing our vacations, college tuition (and eventually law school for me and medical school for sis), summer camps, swim clubs for a bigger house. And now I believe that is why my priorities are different than some of my peers. My life does not revolve around a paycheck. We are comfortable, but that's about it.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised? Treat others how you want to be treated. I've heard that phrase since the beginning and I still *try* to follow it. My parents spent time with us and did things with us.
Were they still married or divorced while you were younger? My parents got divorced when I was 6 mos. My Mom remarried when I was 5 and my step Dad raised me. My Dad was pretty absent in my life until I was 18, now we have a great relationship.
Do you have siblings? Yes. 1 older sister. 2 younger brothers.
Were they strict? Relaxed? So so strict with me and my sister, so relaxed with my brother. There is a 8 yr age difference between me and the older of my 2 brothers.
How do you think that shaped you? I was forced to be independent because my parents both worked a lot and I had to take care of my brothers. I learned early and often the difference between right and wrong. My parents spent so much time teaching me to be a good adult so when I was ready to go out on my own I was fine. My brothers on the other hand had no structure once I moved out to go to college and they were allowed to doing anything anytime. They are so unprepared for life and are totally floundering because of how they were raised.
What is something you will or wont take from how you were raised? That being strict, teaching your child to be independent and deal with consequences to their choices is better than being their friend. I might not have gotten it when I was kid but now I look at the difference between being raised by a parent (me) and being raised by a friend (brothers) and I thank my lucky stars that my parents loved me enough to be parents.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!